Advertisement

In the wise words of the great Luke Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson), "Above all else, we don't ever, ever, let them get into cars."

This was a big weekend for vehicular warfare thanks to the releases of The Fast Saga's F9 and Liam Neeson's The Ice Road. Beyond it just being nice to have big action flicks back (the movies!), Neeson and Fast & Furious both added to their unparalleled résumés of fighting bad guys on different modes of transportation. For Vin Diesel and the Fast family, we got a few new options, including the surprised-it-took-this-long armored truck, while Cold Pursuit star Neeson returned to the snow for his own truck, this one being of the ice variety.

With past EW investigations already looking into such important issues as "Who is the fastest and furiousest in Fast & Furious" and "These are the modes of transportation that Liam Neeson should fight bad guys on next," the momentous occasion of a Fast and Neeson movie coming out on the same day meant only one question still needed to be answered - Who's better at fighting bad guys on modes of transportation: Fast & Furious or Liam Neeson?

The Fast & Furious case

Vehicles of choice: Cars, boat, plane (not in the air, but rather on the longest runway in history), more cars, boat, nuclear submarine (on the ice), a helicopter while on a pickup truck, and an armored truck.

Fast Five (2011)Paul Walker (L) and Vin Diesel
Credit: Jaimie Trueblood/Universal

Fast has been fighting on more than just cars since the very beginning, even though unfortunately they were probably considered the bad guys when they were hijacking those semi-trucks for their prized DVD players. But upon shifting gears to the good side, they didn't slow down, with the climactic scene of 2003's 2 Fast 2 Furious finding Brian (Paul Walker) and Roman (Tyrese Gibson) driving their car onto a fleeing boat to stop drug dealer - and top flight villain name-haver - Carter Verone (Cole Hauser). While the family stuck mostly to cars in the next few films, albeit flashier and flashier cars as they went, things started escalating after they famously dragged a safe through the streets of Rio de Janeiro. We soon saw them checking plane, nuclear submarine, and helicopter off the list, and that isn't even counting all the other uses they found for cars, whether it be flying, jumping skyscrapers, and going to space.

What should be next: Before F9 officially went to space, a previous EW investigation asked, "Who should go to space first: Fast & Furious or Tom Cruise?" Yes, Cruise lost this one, but it's not over for him! There was no actually fighting when Roman and Tej (Chris "Ludacris" Bridges) went where no Pontiac Fiero had gone before, so throw in a spaceship and let's lock this past Fast pitch in: Fast & Furious keeps upping the ante, both with their villains and stakes, and no one likes to up the ante more than Cruise. Imagine Cruise as a rogue astronaut who is traveling the galaxy and building his own alien army - who better to call to race after him?

Sign us the hell up.

The Liam Neeson case

Vehicles of choice: Trains, plane, snowplow, ice truck, battleship (kind of).

Forget saving kidnapped teenage daughters, Neeson's very particular set of skills is finding new modes of transportation to kick ass on. Technically the 69-year-old has the age advantage over Fast, but his record is even more impressive considering this is a talent he only started tapping into over the last decade or so. And while Fast clearly specializes in cars, Neeson can roll with anything. He's constantly bouncing between different vehicles, as evidenced by his recent four-year stretch with movies centered on him being an ice road trucker, snowplow driver, and train commuter.

The Ice Road
Credit: ALLEN FRASER/NETFLIX

What should be next: This is a question that your chief investigator asks Neeson in every interview - and the man always has an answer! Last summer, he replied with news of Ice Road, and he recently shared this gem: "I'm going over to Berlin next Monday to start a film where my fat Irish ass sits in a Mercedes or BMW for 98 percent of the film, with my two kids in the back. I've been told it's a bomb-pressurized seat, because I'm in the financial markets and I've lost a customer a lot of money and he's taking his revenge... It's kind of Speed. It's Speed-ish."

And let us not forget when EW shared our list of suggestions, which featured an Uber and cruise ship among others. "You've got me thinking," reacted Neeson, coming up with a new franchise on the spot. "Okay, a family station wagon that I use for Uber to make extra money, and then something happens. And the sequel is getting away from all that. I need a break and I'm having a nervous breakdown, so somebody pays for me to have a cruise. I'm thinking, 'Oh, this is bliss,' and then it isn't."

Sign us the hell up.

The Verdict

Oh, wait, I forgot we have to make a ruling! This is hard, especially knowing that just a new Fast movie or a new Neeson movie alone would have made Friday a national holiday for us. You know what, as much evidence as we have, it's still not enough. At this point, it's all hypothetical, kind of like the LeBron and MJ debate. We can't definitively pick either as the greatest basketball ever player because we never saw them play against each other. But while we'll never get that face-off, there's an opening here to see these two GOATs together.

F9; Ice Road
Credit: Giles Keyte/Universal Pictures; Netflix

"We haven't seen Papa Shaw - and he's going to be terrifying," recently pointed out F9 star Helen Mirren, who plays Queenie Shaw in the mega-franchise and happens to be a longtime friend of Neeson.

"Helen is in them too?" asked Neeson when EW brought the idea to him. "Oh, good. She's obviously giving it a bit of class. This must be Fast & Furious 15, right?" Not quite, but what would it take to get him in Fast 10 or 11? "[Gives money signal by rubbing fingers together, before miming a phone call] 'I'm sorry, guys, I'm not hearing the figure. Show me the money!'"

Vin, it's time to go full Jerry Maguire.

To listen to EW's BINGE: The Fast Saga, subscribe via Apple PodcastsSpotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. You can also subscribe to EW's YouTube page to catch all the video interviews, and stay tuned to EW.com for even more Fast coverage

Related content:

Comments