Fast & Furious 9 should be out now, instead we're left with these burning questions
"WTF?!?! Holy s---! Whaaaaat?! LOL. WTF again?!?! Haaaaaan!"
That was an almost exact transcription of my live reaction the first time I saw the Fast & Furious 9 trailer. And this is back when we left our houses, so I was in the office with headphones on, and as the bonkers and shocking four-minute(!) video ended, I realized that a crowd of my coworkers had formed around me, very concerned about my well-being.
But how could I not be losing my mind? John Cena is playing Dom's brother?! And his name is Jakob with a k?! And Han (Sung Kang) returning from the dead for some justice?! And according to director Justin Lin, who returns after previously helming Fast 3 through 6, there are many more surprises to come.
"We’re not going to be reusing and doing things that we’ve done before," he told EW in an exclusive chat tied to the trailer launch. "The great news is that even with the trailer, there’s still a lot that’s not being shared, so that’s something I’m very proud of."
Between that trailer and conversation, I was so hyped that I wanted to immediately speed to the May 22 release date. And yet, here we are on May 22 and we're left with no answers. In early March, as the spread of COVID-19 began to prompt shutdowns and delays around the world, Universal pushed Fast 9 almost a year to April 2, 2021. It was the right move, but still a bummer.
So, I did what any reasonable person would do. I watched all of the films again — and wrote about whether Fast & Furious or Tom Cruise would go to space first. This only further enhanced my need for answers, so much so that I've put together our full list of burning Fast 9 questions. PSA: The only order that these are in is how they came through the psychotic mind of someone who has seen Fast Five more than any other movie ever. Now let's ride:
1. “I used to live my life a quarter mile at a time…but things change. I’m a father now." This is how Dom (Vin Diesel) opens the trailer. But is it really possible for him to not live a quarter mile at a time anymore? Regardless, can't he just do it still but drive slower?
2. “It’s for protection…from what’s coming,” says Letty (Michelle Rodriguez) when she gives the all powerful necklace to little Brian. So, what's coming?
3. Could it be Hobbs? Or maybe Shaw?
5. Speaking of the Shaws, Helen Mirren is seen in a car, so will she finally get her wish to drive in the series?
6. Will Shaw be mad that his mom is hanging out with Dom?
7. After being completely absent and not even referenced in Hobbs & Shaw, will Owen Shaw (Luke Evans) be allowed to exist in this movie?
8. Speaking of family, after Jordana Brewster sat out Fast 8, how does Mia come back into the mix?
9. Mia is back, little Brian is around, "See You Again" is played at beginning of trailer, and Cody and Caleb Walker have expressed interest in continuing to help play their late brother, so is there anyway that we get a Brian (Paul Walker) appearance?
10. How would I feel about that? Important note: I've watched Brian's goodbye scene in Furious 7 more than 50 times and I've cried every time. Let's actually all go pause and watch and have a good cry.
11. Okay, we're back. And if Brian isn't back, then how will Mia's presence without him be explained?
12. With Michelle Rodriguez threatening not to return if they didn't "show love to the women," what progress will be made there?
13. Previously speaking to EW, Rodriguez said, “I’ve been making movies with Jordana, who plays the sister of Dom Toretto, for 16 years and I can count on one hand how many lines I’ve had to her. I think that’s pathetic and it’s lack of creativity." So will we finally get some much-needed development in the Letty and Mia relationship?
14. Speaking of the Torettos, what's the deal with John Cena? He's legit Dom's blood brother?
15. Who the hell are these parents?
16. Nothing is more important to Dominic Toretto than his family, so what could have possibly happened to cause him to never even mention his little brother Jakob?
17. Why the k in Jakob?
18. John Cena has proven capable of many things (how delightful was he in Blockers?!), but taking on this role may be the biggest challenge of his acting career to date — can he pull it off?
19. Does Cena have it in his contract that he can’t lose a fight?
20. Speaking of fights, how does Dom survive a beatdown from like 30 dudes in the trailer?
21. How much does Oscar-winner Charlize Theron just love showing up for a few days, getting a new hairdo, working in one location, and chewing scenery in the best way?
23. Can we think up a different title than just F9 or Fast 9? We need to be more inventive. It's hard to expect that we can get one as good as 2 Fast 2 Furious, but we should be able to land in The Fate of the Furious ballpark.
24. Is this the new Indiana Jones? It feels like we've officially turned this into Indiana Jones meets Avengers meets Twins.
25. How the hell does Dom complete an island jump over water with no bridge? To be fair, though, I've previously asked how do you fly cars or jump from skyscraper to skyscraper to skyscraper or take down a submarine with a car?
26. Is Justin Lin the greatest action director of all-time?
27. How many times will I scream “holy s---" during the movie?
28. Will it feel weird if Corona is still the official drink of Fast & Furious?
29. Han? How? Why? Huh?
30. Considering how much time he's had to just snack, how is Han still in such good shape?
31. The trailer tells us "Justice is coming" for Han, but what does that look like?
33. Speaking of Han's people, is Sean (37-year-old Lucas Black) still somehow in high school?
34. And why did they put him in the trailer for 0.1 seconds?
35. Also, IS BOW WOW IN THIS MOVIE?! (If so, good for him)
36. Magnet plane, Pontiac Fiero strapped to a rocket engine — what will they think of next? Space?
37. Is it April 2, 2021 yet?