Bradley Cooper's onscreen characters ranked from nicest to most terrible

Everyone loves Bradley Cooper the man, and everyone loves Bradley Cooper’s movies. But his characters themselves occasionally leave something to be desired on the nice-human front. Maybe it’s because we’ve never gotten over the fact that Sack’s name isn’t Zack, but it’s become apparent to the editors at EW that we have a thing or two to say to some of these characters about the level of douchiness they’re contributing to society. Click through to find out who’s the nicest and who’s the, well, douchiest. 

He offers his limo to Julia Roberts so she can go meet her son and he supports his boyfriend — a famous football player played by Eric Dane — as he comes out on national television. Holden is seemingly Bradley Cooper’s nicest character, but he’s also the nicest person in this movie who isn’t played by Hector Elizondo or Shirley MacLaine. 

It depends on who you ask, but to a lot of people, this  Bradley Cooper is the best Bradley Cooper. It’s a point that’s irrelevant to this ranking, but still worth mentioning. More specifically, Pat is great, and thinking about the letter he wrote Tiffany makes us want to cry on the spot.

Everyone in this movie is kind of a d-bag, but, at least in the first film, Phil is more of a bro than a full-on, categorical douchebag. He’s also pretty loyal, considering he continually puts himself on the line to track down his friends. (Friends that his own toxic partying helped disappear, but who’s keeping track?)

Sneaky, snarky, a heart of gold, has a friend that’s also a houseplant, helps the Avengers: All things that are true about Rocket. 

He’s not always the best friend to Ally (or his brother), but he’s also an artiste with complicated emotions. He would be douchier if he wasn’t a famous musician. Plus, it’s not polite to speak ill of the [spoiler alert] dead.

He’s a crooked FBI agent entangled in an art scam, yet oddly not the worst offender on this list — which means hold on to your hats, people. Also, it’s worth pointing out that whether or not his hairstyle helps or hurts his cause depends on what kind of mood we’re in. 

Behold, the list of overly a-hole-esque qualities of Sack’s:

He dropped the Z for an S (why is his name not Zach?). He takes touch football too seriously. He cheats on Claire. His only redeeming quality is that he looks good in a striped polo.

This is a picture of Ben and the woman with whom he cheats on his wife. (The cheatee is a yoga instructor).

He also tells Ben Affleck’s character that “No guy actually wants to get married, and when they do, all they’re thinking about is the women they’re gonna miss out on.”

Cringe.

It’s nearly impossible to be a genuinely nice person with that slicked-back hairdo. Oh, and Henry is also an arms dealer who illegally sells Albanian ammunition to two people who are practically teenagers to be used in the Iraq war, presumably killing innocent civilians.

“His name was Jake, he was everything I was looking for that night: single, straight, and a smoker.” — Carrie Bradshaw

Plus, he has a Porsche that he drives while intoxicated. We rest our case.