Pull yourself together — it's Virgo season

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September Horoscopes IT: CHAPTER TWO aka IT: CHAPTER 2 BILL SKARSGARD as Pennywise CR: Warner Bros. Pictures Inset: Virgo Zodiac sign
Credit: Warner Bros. Pictures; Inset: Getty Images

It’s time to say goodbye to summer, and with it, the lifestyle of wasting time, accomplishing nothing, and casually ignoring your responsibilities. That’s right, Virgo season is upon us, and it’s not messing around. September is the time for going back to school and getting back on track — so here’s the pop culture that will help you put your life in order this month!

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ARIES (March 21 to April 19)

You love a new beginning, so you’ll kick off this season with the story of the start of something legendary when you enter the Wu-Tang: An American Saga (Hulu, Sept. 4). The scripted miniseries — co-created and produced by RZA and produced by Method Man — chronicles the formation of the Wu-Tang Clan, who came together amid the crack cocaine epidemic of the ‘90s, overcoming their turbulent environment to make something that has endured. Creation borne out of chaos — this one was made for you, Aries.

TAURUS (April 20 to May 20)

The Dutch House by Ann PatchettPublisher: Harper
Credit: Harper

As a great lover of home, you’ll spend this month getting cozy in The Dutch House (Sept. 24). The new novel from Ann Patchett follows a family over the course of half a century, from the purchase of the lavish property of its title to the decades-later despair of the children who grew up there. Invoking the familiar — both in the sense of well-worn fairy tales and of sharp insight into human nature — The Dutch House tells a story of an ever-changing world and, at its center, a building that stands as sturdy as a stubborn Taurus.

GEMINI (May 20 to June 20)

September brings the birthday of sisterly duo Tegan and Sara, but it’s always Gemini season for famous twins — and appropriately, the pair is releasing a twin pair of projects that harken back to their teenage years, the age associated with the third sign of the zodiac. The indie pop stars will celebrate their 39th with the release of the memoir High School (Sept. 24) — which has a real Gemini-trick of a cover — followed by an album comprised of tracks the singers wrote as teens called Hey, I’m Just Like You (Sept. 27). Hey, doesn’t that sound just like you, Gemini?

CANCER (June 21 to July 22)

You love the familiar, darling Cancer, but doesn’t everyone crave something new? Fall TV season will hit your sweet spot this year every Monday night, when you can fire up your DVR and make a weekly marathon (maybe with some baked goods, get wild!) of All Rise (CBS, Sept. 23), Bluff City Law (NBC, Sept. 23), and Prodigal Son (Fox, Sept. 23), all of which will arrive at the end of the month. Because is there anything at all that ticks all of your boxes — high-stakes but safe, emotional but so very stable — than a network drama? How about three network dramas?

LEO (July 23 to Aug. 22)

If you’re ever feeling deflated and in need of some big Leo energy to restore you, look no further than fellow lioness Charli XCX on Twitter. (Or Instagram.) Haters (ahem, earth signs) may hate, but when you’re a dazzling creative-genius fire sign, why shouldn’t you own it on social media? Now, five years after her sophomore album Sucker (with a handful of singles and mixtapes in the interim), the maverick pop star is dropping Charli (Sept. 13), her collab-heavy third album. Say goodbye to your birthday season with a star who shines as bright as you do.

VIRGO (Aug. 23 to Sept. 22)

Dearest Virgo! For an extra-special birthday surprise, we’re giving you two items for your to-do list (who doesn’t love a to-do list?!) — but keeping them thematically linked, obviously, because mismatched cultural consumption just makes fools of us all. Spend this month celebrating your own sign-mate, the prolific Stephen King, first with the release of It Chapter Two (Sept. 6), the follow-up to 2017’s immaculate adaptation It, then tear into the writer’s latest chilling novel, The Institute (Sept. 10). You might as well embrace the terror of aging by accompanying it with some scary stories, right?

LIBRA (Sept. 23 to Oct. 22)

Let everyone know how highbrow you can be this month, Libra, by first of all seeing The Goldfinch (Sept. 13), and second of all obsessively debating (first with yourself, then with your friends, then probably with yourself some more) how you think it compares to Donna Tartt’s novel, all 976 pages of which you read, thank you very much. It’s not every year an adaptation of this magnitude — with Pulitzer-winning source material, an elegant cast, and above all, an appreciation for the enormous power of a single work of art — hits theaters. You’ll need to be there the second it does.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23 to Nov. 21)

You’re familiar with the hustle, Scorpio. So get familiar with Hustlers (Sept. 13), Lorene Scafaria’s cinematic retelling of the New York magazine article about a group of strippers who orchestrated a scheme to steal thousands from their wealthy clients. The lows of the women’s desperation, the highs of their moments of sisterhood, and the darkness of the whole story will resonate intensely with you — and that’s not to mention that J.Lo, an iconic Leo, is so magnetic you’ll think she was one of your own.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 to Dec. 21)

Year of the Monkey by Patti Smith
Credit: Knopf

Patti Smith is a Capricorn, but the lingering influence of the sign that precedes her own comes through in everything she does. This month, the punk poet laureate releases a new memoir, Year of the Monkey (Sept. 24), which looks back on 2016 (a tumultuous year for everyone, famous or otherwise), which she spent, after a string of New Year’s concerts at the Fillmore in San Francisco, traveling America alone. It’s a sprawling Sagittarian journey if there ever was one — both geographical and philosophical.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 to Jan. 19)

We hear the distorted, disembodied refrain “I want that trophy” no fewer than six times over the course of the two-and-a-half-minute trailer for The Politician (Sept. 27), and the effect is (we can only imagine) what it must feel like to live inside the head of a Capricorn. The first season of the Netflix series (created by the Glee and Scream Queens trio of Ryan Murphy, Brad Falchuk, and Ian Brennan) dramatizes the high school student body presidential campaign of a teenager whose outsize ambitions could only belong to a person of your sign. Let the games begin.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 to Feb. 18)

The Water Dancer by Ta-Nehisi CoatesPublisher: One World
Credit: One World

For the water bearer, this month brings The Water Dancer (Sept. 24), the first foray into literary fiction from Ta-Nehisi Coates, a distinguished Libra. The Genius Grant- and National Book Award-winning writer’s new novel revolves around a slave with a strange, magical power that first saves his life, then inspires a journey that sweeps him up in the fight against slavery. Bursting with imagination and humanity, The Water Dancer will speak directly to your Aquarian soul.

PISCES (Feb. 19 to March 20)

Aquarius is the sign of the future, but as the last sign in the zodiac, gorgeous Pisces, you are a step even beyond them. Both psychic and nostalgic, you represent eternity, so you’ll look backward and forward and inward and outward and, above all, skyward this month, when Ad Astra (Sept. 20) hits theaters. Brad Pitt (a Sagittarius, and a true explorer) stars in James Gray’s sci-fi adventure as an astronaut whose mission is no less than to find his own father in the far reaches of outer space, and also possibly to uncover the truth about human existence in the universe. This one’s for you, the fishes who can touch the stars.

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