By Derek Lawrence
August 05, 2019 at 12:10 PM EDT

Through nine films, the Fast & Furious franchise has given us the answers to many important questions, such as can cars fly, or how many times can you say the word “family”? But, there’s one crucial question that they’ve left for us (okay, me) to decide: who is the fastest and furiousest of them all?

Giles Keyte/Universal

This has been a long overdue investigation, which was finally spurned by the release of Fast spin-off Hobbs & Shaw. So, to forever answer who most lives their life a quarter-mile at a time, EW has come up with a very scientific system of ranking how “fast” and how “furious” the characters are on a scale of 1 to 5 Coronas. And only characters to appear in multiple films qualify, so apologies to Idris Elba and Charlize Theron (having previously played a Furiousa would have been worth something). No apologies to Bow Wow, whose Twinkie would have fallen about 33 spots short of the top 10.

10. Tej

FAST: 1 Corona

FURIOUS: 1 Corona

We all love Tej, but he’s not exactly known for being fast or furious. Now, if this was a ranking of how fast someone can suddenly become a genius hacker, then he’d run away with it.

9. Han

FAST: 3 Coronas

FURIOUS: 1 Coronas

Han was such a chill, easygoing guy — until Gisele died, which surely made him furious, but he then died not long after. Speaking of, if Han is somehow revived to finally get justice against Shaw, then revenge Han’s furious rating will skyrocket!

8. Hobbs

FAST: 1 Corona

FURIOUS: 4 Coronas

There’s been some sick, souped-up cars in the Fast franchise — and Hobbs has driven none of them. This government agent sticks to big trucks, whether he’s chasing down fugitives in Rio de Janeiro or wrangling a helicopter. And there’s a reason why people don’t drag race in trucks.

7. Sean

FAST: 2.5 Coronas

FURIOUS: 3 Coronas

Hey, look at two Tokyo Drift alums making the list! Thanks to a cameo in Furious 7, the not-so young Sean Boswell qualifies and lands in solid positioning due to his anger issues and impressive driving skills through construction sites. Honestly, he might have been higher if he didn’t slow down and become the new DK.

6. Gisele

FAST: 3 Coronas

FURIOUS: 3 Coronas

I would argue that Gisele was the perfect balance of fast and furious: just fast enough, but not too furious. I’m guessing that is what Han loved about her.

5. Brian

FAST: 4.5 Coronas

FURIOUS: 2 Coronas

It truly hurts me to put Brian here. His fast bonafides are clear — even if his one win over Dom was a baby gift — but, thankfully, our original hero is just not that furious. Like, look at that smile!

4. Roman

FAST: 5 Coronas

FURIOUS: 2 Coronas

I know what you’re thinking: “Five fast Coronas for Roman?!?!” Yes, and I stand by it, because the resident Fast comedian is also the ultimate fast-talker, which I factored into his score. And he could have had a similar furious ranking if this was still 2 Fast 2 Furious Roman, but he’s wildly mellowed over the years.

3. Shaw

FAST: 3 Coronas

FURIOUS: 4.5 Coronas

Hobbs ain’t going to like this one! The Furious 7 villain more than earned his furious points in that film, while also proving to be very fast as he managed to keep up with our crew. And his controversial turn into a protagonist (#justiceforhan) hasn’t taken away any of that furiousness since he always seems to have a scowl on his face.

2. Letty

FAST: 4 Coronas

FURIOUS: 4 Coronas

To be honest, this is who I wanted to be No. 1, considering Letty is truly the definition of ride-or-die. And her résumé is very strong, between furious fights with Ronda Rousey and Gina Carano, but we needed the writers to give her at least one more big driving scene.

1. Dom

FAST: 5 Coronas

FURIOUS: 4 Coronas

Admittedly, this is a boring pick — but it’s the right one. I mean, he’s literally the guy who declared that he lives his life a quarter-mile at a time. Case closed.

Related content:

Advertisement

Comments



EDIT POST