TV Watch: 33 Highlights from Sept. 18 to Sept. 24, 2009

Usually, Sheldon?s the-world-isn?t-unfolding-like-it-clearly-should-be outbursts are just plain funny, but Jim Parsons (robbed of his Emmy Sunday night, btw) imbued this one with some real hurt and disappointment, which only made Sheldon even more adorable, especially with that oddly well-manicured goatee. (At least, I think it was a well-manicured goatee; maybe that?s just the way Sheldon grows facial hair.) Of course, it wouldn?t be Sheldon if he didn?t have a spoonful of vinegar to go with his pipette of sugar; when Penny sweetly attempted to comfort him by sharing her own disappointment at not making head cheerleader, an unimpressed Sheldon questioned how she could have ever have been a ?cheer leader.? —Adam Vary

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The season premiere has us facing the aftermath of George's heroic act and Izzie's ongoing cancer crisis. And big change is in the air for Seattle Grace.

It was the perfect laugh-so-we-don't-cry moment, and it was a nice extra touch putting the four remaining of the original intern class together for their own kind of bereavement:

Izzie (still guffawing): George is dead. He's dead. They're about to put him in the ground, and the priest is doing classic rock lyrics, and that girl, that redhead, is crying harder than his mother. Cristina: You are far more twisted than I ever realized. Izzie, to Meredith: And you got married on a Post-It! Meredith: I got married on a Post-It, I did. Cristina, to Izzie and Alex: And you guys got married for real?! Izzie: And I got cancer? What? —Jennifer Armstrong

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Meet Yasmin. She claims to be a human hairstylist from Detroit. But we're not so sure.

Apparently, some chick named Yasmin is not so fond of the outdoors. She's complaining that she has to walk like she has a stick up her butt. She's complaining about being cold. She's complaining about feeling nauseated. She's complaining about the shelter. She's complaining about the food. "I've been told so many times, if you can make it in Detroit, you can make it anywhere," said Yasmin, who I am now going to assume is either from Detroit or the best non sequitur creator in the entire galaxy. "The hood is not the wood." Um, okay. —Dalton Ross

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Costume or fashion? It wasn't clear what the designers needed to go for in a challenge involving outfits for five film genres

For someone whose own personal style is a tip of the hat to silent film goddess Louise Brooks, Ms. Black sure did struggle this week, churning out a shiny flapper dress that was supposed to evoke film noir but was instead a ''cheap... convoluted mess,'' according to Zoe, who then called it a ''snooze fest.'' That's usually the kiss of death on Project Runway. Or at least it is when Nina ''Don't Bore Me'' Garcia has her say. But Nina wasn't there. So Louise dodged a bullet and Ra'mon got flogged. —Missy Schwartz

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Michael walked into the conference room while faking a casual phone call. His entrance line: ?Well, if he doesn?t like it, you can tell that S.O.B that he is fired. I love you too. Bye.? His exit line: ?Yeah? Well you tell the mayor he doesn?t have six votes!? His second attempt to listen in, by hiding in a cheese cart, was surprisingly successful, aided by Andy?s brilliant Ivy League-inflected cheese speech: ?Here you will find a cheddar-style spread, which has reacted nicely with the air to form a light rind, which I think you?ll find both challenging and delicious.? —Darren Franich

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Now, aside from the scary stuff, we also saw Nina Sharp visit Olivia in the hospital and give her the name of someone, a Sam Weiss, ?the man who put me back together.? Why isn?t Olivia a bit more suspicious of why Nina is taking such a personal interest in her? We know it?s because Nina is working with Special Agent Broyles on the whole fringe-science/alt-universe situation, but Olivia just seems to accept the robot-armed-lady?s advice as her due. —Ken Tucker

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Let?s start by celebrating the fact that Caroline isn?t dead, which, for a second, I thought might?ve been the outcome of that morning-after opening sequence in which she tried to fight Damon off with a blood-soaked pillow and he vamped out again. But then they pulled up in his car at cheerleading practice ? him wearing a smirk fresh off Craig Sheffer in Some Kind of Wonderful, her a scarf around her neck to hide the bite marks ? and all was well with the world. ?I got the other brother,? she said proudly. Love her. —Mandi Bierly

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The real MVP of this episode was actually (our favorite?) intern Wendell, who, under the pressure of Booth?s extended hockey metaphor, put the pieces of the puzzle together. I was literally ready to slap Brennan on my TV when she blurted out that he?d lost his scholarship, even after he?d indicated that Cam hadn?t told him he was leaving yet. I get that Brennan didn?t hear him refer to the scholarship as ?the miracle? like Cam had, but he did tell her that working with her was a dream come true, and she has been working with Booth for five seasons now — shouldn?t she have acquired some people skills? The ?You are one of the best interns I?ve ever had the pleasure to work with, you will be missed? wasn?t quite enough for me to forgive her. —Mandi Bierly

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Two stars go home at the end of premiere week, and Sean Kingston performs Poor Jonathan and Lady Legwarmer! It's farewell to Ashley Hamilton, mini Ritz cracker, and Macy Gray, who still will not stop talking about fruit, after a supersize three-night season premiere of Dancing With the Stars. The use of Supertramp's ''Goodbye Stranger'' at the end of the show was particularly astute, suggesting that Ashley Hamilton was pretty much a stranger to the viewing public anyway and Macy Gray is stranger than all of us. (The line ''Goodbye Mary, goodbye Jane'' was also a nice touch.) —Annie Barrett

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Basic knowledge of classic food dishes were essential for this week's elimination challenge...and some chefs were sorely lacking if Robin hadn't won immunity, she would be another one struggling with the concept. But, no, since she had immunity, Robin was taking the night off. And this is where I started drinking the Robin Haterade. I don't hate on her for using the cancer card, but I hate on her for being lazy and saying that since she has immunity, she can enjoy her moment of glory, as she put it. That is why she needs to get kicked off — because a good chef knows that just because you have immunity doesn't mean you can kick back and relax. Every opportunity to cook is an opportunity to wow the judges. —Archana Ram

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The bulk of the episode dealt with the strained friendship between Jeff (Joel McHale) and Pierce (the dependable Chevy Chase). The two had to prepare a Spanish presentation, and while Jeff wanted to get the damn thing over with as quickly as possible, Pierce insisted on imbuing the project with costumes and an elaborate story with an apparently anti-Israel theme. After two hours of going nowhere, Jeff decided to abandon Pierce and join his love interest, Britta (Gillian Jacobs), in a protest against the murdering of journalists in Guatemala. Jeff explained his plan in a brilliantly constructed line: ?The woman I kind of like is out there in the moonlight caring about something stupid, and this is my chance to show her that I care enough to act like I care about it too.? —John Young

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Robert Knepper tore it up as Samuel, the apparent chieftain of a band of traveling carnival workers. I suppose it was only a matter of time before Heroes stumbled on a circus as a natural place for the ?differently abled? to hide in plain sight. It?s a little unclear what Samuel?s power is — all we see him do is put crazy temporary tattoos on folks that have either divine wisdom or choke ex-Sith Lords (Ray Park, out of make-up for once). New blood is necessary to make Heroes work, and Samuel seems to hold more promise than that south-of-the-border sibling disaster. —Marc Bernardin

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Welcome Louis C.K.! The funniest stand-up comedian in America was the perfect choice to play a low-key Pawnee law enforcement agent, and he makes a fine entrance arresting Tom Haverford for?well, excessive sassmouth. (Or as Tom suggests, ?parked while Indian.?) Leslie takes the lead in trying to get Tom out, and in the course of her loud defense (''I think your friend might be a pervert?; ?That?s what everyone thinks when they first meet him!?) somehow entrances the local cop. He later gives his opinion of Ms. Knope in his first talking head: ?I was attracted to her in a sexual manner that was appropriate.? Love is in the air, people! —Henning Fog

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The Boston auditions found an abundance of good dancers and kept the cheese to a minimum

Someone who doesn't appeal to me? Teddy Tedholm, a self-described whimsical dancer who moves like he's a mime trapped between the vices of a paint can shaker. First of all, one doesn't have to wear a bow tie and checkered pants to prove that he's quirky. Sure, it would be funny if I showed up to work dressed like the Hamburglar, but, mostly, it would just be distracting and unnecessary, like Teddy's outfit. Secondly, to me, his moves were simply too manic, as if he graduated magna cum laude from the Tiffany school of extreme hand-dancing. Plus, I couldn't help but notice he seemed all too aware of the cameras. And that just turned me off like a pair of stupid pants. The judges, however, loved him, and sent him straight to Vegas. But I can't help but think he was aided by his awesome Jason Mraz song choice. The song, however, only reminded me of how much better Jason and Jeanine danced to it last season. —Kate Ward

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The female stars took the stage with foxtrot and cha cha relays in night 2 of the 3-night premiere Macy Gray has always seemed a little off (Jonathan politely called her ''eccentric''), but I thought maybe I kept catching her at the wrong, shall we say ''enhanced,'' times. But no, she's just always like this. It's like she was conceived and then developed within the comforting chamber of a magical womb bong, and has somehow managed to make that one massive hit last a lifetime. She could turn out to be my favorite contestant ever. —Annie Barrett

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The male pros kick off the first of season 9's 3-night premiere, and Annie Barrett sizes up the ''stars'' first spins on the dance floor

Aaron's good! So good, he can already spin around twice without losing his balance. It's almost like he's danced before or something. Aaron flares his nostrils a lot in what seems like an effort to suggest ''severe exertion.'' DANCMSTR called some of his cha cha movements stiff, but he may have been referring to Aaron's ridiculously spiked hair. Similarly, all of the judges said Aaron had potential, but they may have been referring to the chances of Karina's white feather boa one day blossoming into a real shirt. —Annie Barrett

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The contestants got a reprieve from eliminations but it came at a (not-so steep) price During the ensuing workout, Danny let out a primal scream during a lat pulldown, followed by a man cry. I thought Danny emerged in this episode as an audience favorite; the onetime high school rock god is charming, charismatic, and endlessly neurotic. —Darren Franich

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Kate and the kids enjoy some farm fresh times and food Kate waxed poetic about Henry's people (the Amish). ''They don't have a TV. They have no idea who we are. They just know me as Kate.'' (Narcissistic, self-loathing, or just the truth?) On the way home, the gang stopped at an awesome wooden fort playground. The boys went insane. The girls were ready to leave immediately. Girls never understand the wooden fort playground. Weirdos! —Darren Franich

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Don has a short-lived dream of another fresh start, while Joan is coming to terms with the fact that her fresh start is not to be

Joan was getting ready for her own Independence Day. To no one's surprise, probably not even her own, Greg snuck home drunk and sheepish. He didn't get the residency. Turns out the man doesn't have any brains in his fingers, and his only hope for being a surgeon lay somewhere in Alabama. Poor Joan, so pale and beautiful in her black nightgown — bow down before her Botticelli bosoms! — choked down the terror of such an idea. She was all business, calmly putting her husband's beaten-down ego back together even after he coldly told her that she had to go on supporting them. —Karen Valby

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Will you keep watching this?

There were some ideas I couldn?t quite buy. The notion that Fiennes and his crew will create a website called Mosaic to record and examine everyone?s memories seemed like a website that will keep crashing every day until April 2010. And the wall that Fiennes gets a glimpse at, push-pinned with clues: Didn?t Charlie on NBC?s long-gone Life have one of those; wasn?t it very Usual Suspects-y? But the premise and the acting — including the superb Sonya Walger (from Lost, from HBO?s Tell Me You Love Me) as Fiennes? wife — was far above the usual sort of semi-sci-fi this series is attempting. I?m certainly hooked, for a while, at least. —Ken Tucker

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Sometimes I think The Mentalist is clever fun; sometimes I think The Mentalist is so slight, it?s lucky to be such a hit. Last night?s season premiere was definitely clever fun. The episode, written by show creator Bruno Heller, introduced a welcome new character, Terry Kinney?s Agent Sam Bosco, to put a few worry-lines in the smooth face of Simon Baker?s Patrick Jane. —Ken Tucker

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By the final scene, Modern Family showed us how this clan can come together and still be distinctively funny, not just a laff riot. O?Neill played his character?s embarrassed self-consciousness about his gay son?s home-life with just the right amount of sweatiness; Burrell demonstrated a knack for slapstick as deft as his deadpan delivery; and? well, I could go on, but I thought this show was, in general, a mighty hoot. —Ken Tucker

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I thought the two-hour House season premiere was one long slog — a tedious, obvious drag. Putting House in a psychiatric hospital and showing the various stages of his struggles with pain and addiction was an interesting notion. But most of the premiere was spent establishing that no matter where you plop down House, he?ll always end up the smartest guy in the room. It wasn?t much fun, the way it often is with the impish side of Hugh Laurie, to see him quickly diagnose the symptoms and the stress-points of his asylum-mates. In recent years, this vaunted ability of House?s has become all-too-familiar, and in this case, it was too easy. —Ken Tucker

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But the Glee topic of the day HAS to be Chris Colfer, who plays Kurt and gave a star-making performance last night (as well as delivering a helluva cover of Beyoncé?s ?Single Ladies?). I sorta relate to this character since, as a child, I once performed a poolside routine of Madonna?s ?Vogue.? With my two female neighbors, Kelly and Molly Welsh. In front of our respective parents. Luckily, I was not wearing a sequined unitard. But how cute was it when he started jumping and waving at his dad (Mike O?Malley) at the football game? —Tim Stack

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If you haven?t seen last week's season premiere of NCIS, and you intend to, stop reading now. Do not click through to watch the clip of Gibbs (Mark Harmon) stealing the episode from Tony (Michael Weatherly), who risked his — and McGee?s — life to rescue Ziva (while working in a nice True Liesreference, as naturally Tony would). Do not get excited when Tony tells the bad guy Saleem (Omid Abtahi, who I do not find all that scary since I?ve seen him on episodes of Bones and Ghost Whisperer), ?Remember when I told you my boss was a sniper?? (Clearly, Tony was describing the team for the benefit of new viewers, which was a little frustrating for fans, but that ending almostmade up for it.) —Mandi Bierly

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The major blunders: Van cooked too many scallops and was baffled when Ramsay asked him what two times three was; Ariel (who had been nearly flawless this season) undercooked her pork; Van burned his scallops; Ariel?s ravioli dish was cold; Sabrina was a sloth at her rib-eye station; Van got scolded by Ramsay for not cleaning up some spilled sauce; Sabrina?s halibut was raw; and, finally, Van?s halibut was raw as well. Van?s halibut met a fate much worse than being tossed into that plastic trash bin. Ramsay summoned everyone to gather around and observe the undercooked halibut, and then — bam! — Ramsay smashed the halibut straight to hell with his palm. ?Halibut exploded all over my face,? Dave recalled. Just one of those days, ya know? —John Young

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In the first scene, when Dixon was in the principal?s office — a.k.a. his dad?s office — for punching that slimy guy who took Annie?s now-infamous naked picture, and he was being all coy about why he punched the guy, I thought we were in for an episode of let?s-keep-this-from-dad subterfuge and high jinks. Instead, Dixon came out and told Dad, then asked if he could go to lunch already and stop defending himself. Dad agreed. Bravo. —Jennifer Armstrong

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Maybe Chris O?Donnell didn?t seem like the obvious choice to play this guy, but his casting could turn out to be brilliant: There?s a stoic, blank-slate quality about the actor that allows you to believe he could fly under the radar (or have room to take on an entirely new persona). And yet, there?s a softness in his voice that makes you want to get close to him, to protect him like his partner, LL Cool J?s Special Agent Sam Hanna (who told G that he?ll give him his first birthday card ever this year, then joked that he?ll put a personality in it — ha!), or cover him up with a blanket like Hetty (Linda Hunt, on a step stool), who is apparently in charge of the office?s gadgets, wardrobe, and expense reports. —Mandi Bierly

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The theme of last night?s snappy episode was independence. Throw your hands up at me, Kim. Yes, she did just accept a gratis romp in the Bahamas from Big Poppa. Yes, she did have her assistant send him cell phone snaps of a $32,000 gold necklace she covets (?oh my God,? she orgasmed to her own image in the mirror, ?you are good-looking?). Yes, the man whose divorce has inexplicably drawn out for three years is back in her life. But she didn?t take him back for the money. It?s just that her daughters want to go to college one day and those satin bustiers and kegs of chardonnay aren?t going to pay for themselves. ?I?m independent,? Kim promised us. ?I?m a single mom.? Oh Kim, you very well may represent all that is wrong-headed and ridiculous and crass about the times we live in. Now go get in the pool with your cigarette and keep telling yourself this is true love. —Karen Valby

As season six ended in 2007 with the sudden spark between Loretta Black and Larry at a Bat Mitzvah, the season premiere began with Larry arguing with a bedridden Loretta over the subject of a comfortable room temperature for the house. Seventy-five degrees??? That?s way too warm! Yep, he?s back alright. As we soon found out (surprise, surprise) Larry was not in it for the long haul with Loretta, as he discussed with Jeff and Susie the urgency of breaking up with her before her biopsy results come back. Duh, you can?t break up with someone with cancer! —Paige Parker

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Jenna Elfman (Dharma & Greg) stars as Billie, a 37-year-old film critic for a San Francisco newspaper who broke up with her boss/non-committal boyfriend James (old Melrose Place?s Grant Show) a month ago when he failed to propose atop the Eiffel Tower. One night, while out with her hard-partying best friend/colleague Olivia (Ugly Betty?s Ashley Jensen) and her married younger sister Abby (Lennon Parham), she meets a younger man, Zack (Jon Foster). After determining that a one-night stand with blandly charming Zack would be empowering as opposed to desperate because he?s over 18, she goes home with him. The experience, she says, was ?Like eating candy...Young candy. I?m not kiddin?, he smelled like a Skittle. Ladies, I feel like I tasted the rainbow.? (Okay, I laughed at that.) They have sex again, and bam!, we flash forward five weeks to a home pregnancy test. —Mandi Bierly

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The season 2 opener was Det. Kate Beckett?s best episode yet. Even though she was cold to Castle, I wager that old (and, fingers crossed, new) Castle fans warmed to her. Could be the auburn hair, or the sweaters?something different, and I liked it. —Mandi Bierly

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Michael has some helpful distractions, such as his thieving son and aspiring doctor/call girl Lauren, who landed herself a spot on Dr. Mancini?s team. He?s already called her ambition ?adorable? so it?s only a matter of hours before they are sleeping together. And since this is Melrose Place, only a few hours after that until she?s also sleeping with his son. Heck, why stop there ? would a father-son-neighbor threesome be allowed in prime time? —Wendy Mitchell

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