TV Watch: 25 Highlights from Sept. 11 to Sept. 17, 2009

Survivor: Samoa recap: The face of evil

One contestant socks it to the rest of his tribe. Socks...get it? Oh, never mind.

We heard Russell telling a tear-jerking tale about being a firefighter and surviving Hurricane Katrina but losing his beloved German shepherd Rocky. Only thing being, Russell is not actually a firefighter. Nor has he ever lived in New Orleans. Nor has he ever owned a German shepherd. To a lot of people — and especially those who lived through the horror of Katrina — using such a tragedy to further yourself in the game is despicable. I am not one of those people. Lying about your dead grandmother, dead dog, whatever — in this context it does not bother me one iota. Hell, I would kill off my whole family if it got me a step closer to the million dollars. Okay, that didn't come out right. I wouldn't actually kill anyone, per se. But I wouldn't be beyond embellishing personal tragedy for a good ol' fashioned sympathy vote. — Dalton Ross

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Project Runway recap: Steamed

Johnny's big tale of a steamer gone bad even ticked off Tim but it couldn't overshadow some of the fabulous newspaper outfits that did come down the runway

Before you could say ''bruised ego,'' Johnny was flinging around a big ole wallop of a tall tale, claiming that he deep-sixed his bunk bird garment because steam from the iron ruined it. Yyyyeah, right.... Jeez Johnny, I get that you were embarrassed about your blunder, but if you're gonna resort to outright lying, you might want to check the logic of a story in which you are using steam to iron a substance that any fool knows will dissolve in water. For cripes sake, dude, your excuse makes the ole dog-ate-my-homework chestnut sound like the work of Plato. — Missy Schwartz

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Bones Season 5 premiere recap: ''This all works out eventually''

I got giddy when Booth took Cam out for a drink so he could confide in her and she guessed, ?You?re in love with Dr. Brennan,? and he didn?t correct her. It was one of the most gratifying moments of the series, even if I knew it wouldn?t last. Cam warned him that he had to be 100 percent sure he really felt love for her — that it wasn?t just leftover emotions from his coma dream — because if Brennan let him in and he hurt her, she?d die alone before she?d ever trust another man. — Mandi Bierly

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Community recap: Class is in session

We first meet our protagonist Jeff (Joel McHale from E!'s The Soup) as he was in the middle of hearing what sounded like the entire life story of Abed (Danny Pudi), an overly talkative half-Palestinian geek. Jeff?s snarky response: ?Abed, nice to know you and then meet you, in that order.? — John Young

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Vampire Diaries recap: Damon gets US to bite

Part of me feels like Damon does get lonely, and that's when he goes looking for Caroline, but then I'm just a romantic. After, um, pleasing her, he worked his way back up her body to, where else, her neck. Will he try to make her think Stefan bit her, or is he just going to keep using Caroline for sex and a warm meal, then make her forget? — Mandi Bierly

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Real Housewives of Atlanta recap: Kim falls down

The very kind and calm Kandi got Kim in a [recording] booth and she told us all not to be tardy a couple hundred times. Kim emerged from the booth with her wig askew and her face flushed. She had conquered her fears. She realized her dreams. She needed a cigarette. When they played the track back, Kim was so thrilled she immediately decided to shove NeNe and her damn verse out of the scenario. She made a couple crawl strokes with her arms and did the old plug your nose dance move. ''Don't do that,'' her producer told her. ''We gonna get you a choreographer next,'' Kandi said. I'm starting to like Kandi more and more. — Karen Valby

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Fringe: 'We're done reacting'

The episode, co-written by J.J. Abrams and Akiva Goldsman and directed by Goldsman, did a very good job with difficult, multiple tasks: Reintroducing the characters to newbies, reminding us where Olivia?s been even if she doesn't remember, and implanting in us the show's new mandate going forward. Whereas last season the episodes were constructed as ''Monster in the pre-credits/Fringe division gets called in to solve the case/weird s--- happens/case is solved but deeper mysteries deepen,'' the new season was summed up by Josh Jackson's Peter Bishop to Lance Reddick's Special Agt. Broyles: ''From now on, we're calling the shots; we're done reacting.'' — Ken Tucker

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America's Got Talent recap: The final countdown

I'm going to be real for a second and say that in my perfect vision of Wednesday's finale, Hairo Torres wins it all. Of anyone left in the competition, he's easily the most original and exciting performer — his moves continue to impress as he tweaks and changes aspects of the routine — and one you could honestly feel growing as the show wore on. It wouldn't be a ''Most Improved'' trophy, either — he's simply very good, and has been from the beginning. — Henning Fog

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America's Got Talent recap: Surprise!

It's not that Skinner's a bad singer, or even undeserving of a place in the Top Five (Top Two...we're sort of pushing it.) He's clearly a talented guy with a unique ability to connect with an audience. What he isn't, though, is a Vegas performer. Or even a consistent performer. Did you hear him sing on Monday, or tonight with Thelma Houston? That Skinner received more votes than any other contestant speaks more to his audition round performance than any he's given since. He was, in that brief moment in time, a revelation — the American Susan Boyle we were all desperate to claim for our own. — Henning Fog

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Glee recap: Acafellas bring down the house!

The thing that I loved most about this episode was that it gave the spotlight to characters who hadn't had big moments yet. Matthew Morrison, for one, really came alive last night. He just showed what a charismatic performer he is. And hello, Mark Salling, a.k.a. Puck. Or I guess I should say hello, Mark Salling's abs. Sweet mercy. I think it's kinda hilarious that he joined Acafellas just to meet cougars. — Tim Stack

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Top Chef recap: Roughing It

The cheftestants had to contend with a viewers' choice ingredient (cactus-yum!) and desert cooking in a ''rustic'' kitchen

In the end, Mattin's raw fish had the judges reeling, especially chef Love, who said he was actually sick from it. I think unintentionally poisoning the judge warrants the boot, and the boot Mattin got. I was a bit surprised because I never thought Mattin would go home so early in the game — Ron and Robin seem like much weaker chefs. — Archana Ram

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The Office recap: An affair to remember

''How do you untell something?'' Michael mused. He settled on just spreading as many fake rumors as possible. Once this scheme went into place, it was pretty clear where everything was headed — what's that line? if there's a secret pregnancy in act one, there's going to be a reveal of that pregnancy in act three, and someone gets shot? I think that's it. He tells Erin that Kelly is anorexic, Kelly that Erin is a bad employee, and that Andy is gay, and Meredith that Pam is pregnant. — Margaret Lyons

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So You Think You Can Dance recap: Stupid Good

Mia Michaels returns (along with her sayings) as the second week of auditions brings us one banging b-boy and a few duds

Jonathan ''Legacy'' Perez: I only have one bone to pick with this guy — his name. Who calls himself ''Legacy'' besides an American Gladiators contestant? Or Kanye West? Self-important or no, Legacy totally brought it. I would even go on record saying the guy was one of the best b-boys SYTYCD has ever seen. The way he assisted himself across the stage using only his hands? That was some crazy Exorcist shiznit happening there. And I was glad to see Nigel & Co., give Legacy his ticket to Vegas, as the crew all too often allows only contemporary dancers to pass through on the first round. Let's just hope he lives up to his name in Vegas, since Jonathan ''Temporarily Memorable'' Perez doesn't quite have the same ring to it. — Kate Ward

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Big Brother recap: Three's A Crowd

The final HOH is decided by a wild final guess, and that lucky winner bounds all the way to the $500,000 check

And so, after ten weeks of countless got gottings and one banana suiting, we have a winner for Big Brother 11: sweet, sweet Jordan. On a superficial, good-triumphs-over-annoying level, I feel good about it. How can you not? A slightly dim all-American girl who is as blonde as a cornfield and just wants to buy her evicted momma a house? You try rooting against that! You might as well root against babies with kittens on their heads. And yet, when I disengage all personal and social reflexes, I find myself feeling that strategic justice was not done. I don't like anything that Natalie stands for in the game, but at least she stood for something. — Josh Wolk

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The Biggest Loser recap: Weighing In

The show's heaviest crew ever starts their journey on season 8 and an old face returns

Back at the ranch the other participants swapped backstories. Social worker Shay had been homeless and living on the streets with an addict mother and spent her teens in foster care. Dina can't get pregnant ''because of my weight.'' But Abby, a high school teacher, had the most tragic story: Her family died in a fatal car accident. Tears flowed. (Sean, in the understatement of the year: ''Abby's story punched me in the face.'') — Darren Franich

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The Jay Leno Show: Talking to Kanye

When Leno asked West what his late mother might have said about this controversy, West seemed either startled into speechlessness or too moved to speak. There was a long silence that became dramatic — you rarely hear such dead air on TV. — Ken Tucker

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Oprah: Whitney Houston: 'I was so weak'

For a star who has many times in her career seemed regally aloof from the petty concerns of the world that you and I endure, Houston spoke to Oprah in the manner so many of the abused women that Winfrey has interviewed over the years have spoken. That she was ''trying to please'' an ''emotionally abusive'' husband. That ''I would become a little girl'' in his presence. That there was an element of masochism to the abuse: ''I was very interested in having someone have control over me.'' — Ken Tucker

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Jon & Kate Plus Eight recap: The Great Outdoors

The kids got in touch with nature as Kate pulled off a backyard movie night and Jon taught them how to fish

Cue the Jon portion of the episode. Jon had a fun activity planned: Backyard Death March to the Neighbor's Fishing Pond! There was crying and general exhaustion. Jon defended his choice of activity: ''I expected all this. I didn't care. I'm taking my kids fishing. They have to get over that fear and comfort of their own house.'' Cries of ''Daddy, can I go to the bathroom?'' and ''Daddy there's no fish here!'' went unanswered. Leah: ''I want to sit down and watch TV.'' Jon: ''TV? That's boring.'' Viewers, how right he was! — Darren Franich

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Parks & Recreation recap: Change we can believe in

Leslie defended her position on local news show Pawnee Today, debating the woman who had earlier asked her to resign. The host, a non-confrontational woman easily charmed by Tom Haverford (Aziz Ansari) on her show many times in the past, tried to stay out of the fracas. When calls started coming in, Leslie manned the phone. ''I think you should resign,'' said one. And the next. Leslie kept taking new calls. ''I like the zoo,'' a little girl told Leslie. ''That's so sweet!'' ''...And I think you should resign.'' — Henning Fog

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America's Next Top Model: Private smeyes, watching you

Then something weird happened: The show had its single most instructive, interesting, reasonable, and worthwhile segment perhaps ever. Tyra went down the row of contestants and actually taught them how to smile with their eyes. ''It's amazing what Tyra can do with her eyes,'' one said solemnly, and as badly as I want to laugh at that, it is totally true. Tyra acts pretty crazy — see: Super Smize [sic] — and says bizarre, sometimes incoherent things, but holy crap, does she ever know how to model. — Margaret Lyons

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90210 recap: Fun with rock-bottom Annie

It was all about the neat little Naomi/Liam/Annie dilemma this episode. This was, incidentally, exactly the kind of soapy plotline this show was sorely lacking last season: Naomi, jealous and with a sext bomb in her control. Liam, wanting Naomi but needing to keep his hookup with her sister, Jen, a secret. Annie, screwed by all of it. — Jennifer Armstrong

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Melrose Place recap: Mommy dearest

Thank god Violet is starting to show her true colors, because Riley and Jonah's colors seem to be beige and ecru. They may provide the show's sense of normalcy but they're also way too boring right now. The newly engaged pair had a pivotal talk about their jealousy stemming from opposite-sex friendships, but made up too quickly and were all smiles. And don't get me started on how she sorted through his Lucky Charms — that is NOT the stuff of a nighttime soap, we need rat poison in the Cheerios! — Wendy Mitchell

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Gossip Girl recap: Love on the Upper East Side

Chuck and Blair are finally together. Yay! They even used his past philandering ways to spice up their relationship. Yes, some good ol' fashioned role playing with Chuck as the cheating cad and Blair as the scorned girlfriend. They even visited go-sees (model-ese for auditions) to find prospective suitors. Kind of cute, kind of twisted. But when Serena warned Blair about the perils of an open relationship like theirs, they stopped these faux threesome shenanigans and kept with the role playing, just on their own. — Archana Ram

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The View: Kate Gosselin co-hosting

Sitting in Barbara Walters' usual chair, Kate Gosselin began the first of two days as a guest co-host on The View this morning. She dodged Sherri Shepherd's blunt question, ''How do you feel about [Jon] bringing that [girlfriend] around your children?'' But she did address the people who tell her to, as she put it, ''just stop'' filming Jon & Kate Plus Eight. At this point in life, she said, she can't exist with ''the lack of a paycheck.... I need to be out there working hard.'' — Ken Tucker

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True Blood finale recap: A white Wedding, a black heart, and a blood-red cliffhanger

Beginning with Maryann wearing the white wedding dress of Sookie's grandmother and ending with Sookie in a purple gown given to her by Bill (with a choice shot of Lafayette in drag as well), True Blood made good on most of the stories it told this season. — Ken Tucker

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