Ugly Betty recap: ‘Million Dollar Smile’
And truly, the way the braces eventually came off — with the entire Mode staff surrounding Betty at the Guggenheim — couldn’t have been more spot on if I had dreamed it up myself. Literally, the people that helped Betty blossom into the wonderful woman she is surrounded her as a symbol of her youth was removed. It felt like such a moment. So my question: Where will I get such ”heart” on television after Betty makes its exit on April 14? Sigh. —Tanner Stransky
American Idol recap: 10 Mileys of bad road
In terms of sheer ”note”-for-”note” awfulness, no contestant could match Paige Miles’ ”Against All Odds (Take a Look at Me Now),” a track that incidentally edged ahead of ”I Have Nothing” and ”Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me” in the unfortunate race for song that’s been covered the most times by an American Idol contestant on the live semifinal and/or final stage. On the plus side, Paige certainly ”made it her own,” but only by failing to hit a single note of the laborious Phil Collins ballad. Honestly, the rendition was such a thing of disoriented wonder, I started thinking to myself: ”Did this girl get hit with a lighting fixture backstage? Is it possible she has a concussion?” —Michael Slezak
Community recap: Drown in the sea of laughter
Dean Pelton: ”From now on, April Fools’ Day is banished. At Greendale, April 1 is officially March 32 forever.”
Desperate Housewives recap: Why cant we all get along?
As for another random tangent on the Danny front, what is with this kid/young adult? He is or was in college, supposedly, but just got his first job. He doesn’t have a car. He’s fixing up his bike to ride around town. He drank a beer (or was it root beer?) with his dad. He dated a girl in high school. Which all makes me wonder: How old is he exactly? It seems like he’d be about 18 years old, but some of those aforementioned clues point to him being older. Why are producers keeping it so vague? Why do I even care about this? —Tanner Stransky
The Office recap: Kiss me, stupid
Oscar walked into Darryl’s snazzy new office and suggested that Upstairs and the Warehouse go out for a drink, just like they used to do never. Darryl could see right through Oscar: ”Be straight with me. You can be gay with Matt, just be straight with me.” That’s a lame joke, but Craig Robinson made it sound hilarious. —Darren Franich
Project Runway recap: The (custom-made) fabric of their lives
Mila and her Tee-Pee Hideaway for Mexican Serapes, Pride Flags, and Your Mom on the Patio in 1972 earned Our Lady of Severe Bangs a spot among the bottom dwellers — and rightly so. There was just no point to her maxi dress. If she’d replaced that inexplicable sea of boring whiteness with more of the custom rainbow fabric — on the bias or even with the stripes running perpendicular to those on the bottom — she would have produced a dress that was (Randy Jackson hyperbole alert!) a bazillion times more visually stimulating. —Missy Schwartz
Big Bang Theory recap: Sheldon wins award, loses pants
Yay for silly outfits on Sheldon — although, let’s be honest, we all wanted a bunch more of ’em — but boo for not giving Penny all that much to do other than immediately pick out the right sharp suit up from the rack. At the very least, the scene did give us a great explanation for Sheldon’s sartorial taste, namely, the more colors on a garment, the better. —Adam B. Vary
Grey’s Anatomy recap: Doctors, orders
A couple of the useless dudes of the moment — Alex, that Charles guy from Mercy West, the ex-Chief — gathered at the hospital entrance waiting for an ambulance to arrive while saying vaguely dirty things about the EMT who would be driving it, Nicole. Namely: She has a shapely rear end and several of them would ”hit that.” It’s worth noting the pleasant surprise that Nicole was a pretty regular-looking emergency professional with a regular-woman athletic figure. (Don’t get me wrong, she’s a perfectly beautiful woman; but they could’ve hired a girl who looked like a centerfold, when instead they hired a grown woman who looked like a believable, no-nonsense EMT. Ah, the magic of female exec producers.) Nicole had brought the useless dudes some useless dudes who’d hurt themselves skiing off a helicopter just as an avalanche hit. Go figure, skiing off helicopters is dangerous. Midlife crises are confounding. —Jennifer Armstrong
30 Rock recap: We gave to Elm Street this
Tracy: I had a dream that Kenneth and I got intimate in a jacuzzi? It was crazy, glistening black and white skin, it was like a close up of a killer whale being born!
Gossip Girl recap: Jenny almost has the time of her life
Well, we certainly know Dan and Vanessa still attend NYU or at least go to bad tropical-themed dorm parties. The pair ended up sleeping together, which did lead to one of the more amusing scenes of Dan trying to establish boundaries for their relationship. It is pretty funny/weird that Dan has dated both his almost-step-sister and his best friend who’s almost like a family member. The dude needs to date outside his immediate circle a little more. Or maybe not because that has led to Georgina and Olivia. — Tim Stack
The Real Housewives of New York recap: The pinot grigio strikes back
Can someone please help explain my growing, grudging affection for Kelly? She always struck me as crazy and not at all clever last season. So is a crazy, unclever person really capable of completely retooling her image? Is Kelly faking it or is she actually not as bad as we thought? Because suddenly her ”Stawp! Stawp! Bethenny, just stawp!” from last season has morphed into the calm, collected voice of reason during last night?s Bethenny and LuAnn snit fit. ”Honestly, stop,” she asked the two grown women, before very smoothly extricating herself from the middle so she could sit next to her pal Lisa Rinna. —Karen Valby
CLUELESS Easy on the popcorn, Colby.
The Vampire Diaries recap: Elena on a mission, Damon on a bender
Personally, I hope this bender continues because I enjoy seeing Damon rocking some heavage, and when he’s drunk, his super vampire powers do not include the ability to button his own shirt. We found this out when Elena returned from Trudie’s house and sought out Stefan. Instead, she found someone “better,” as Damon put it. Looking “dashing, gorgeous, irresistible” (his words) and “wrecked” (Elena’s), he asked her to help him dress, and I’m pretty sure she didn’t even steal a peek at his bulging biceps. —Mandi Bierly
The Biggest Loser recap: Home, Sweets, Home
Everyone else wanted to compete fairly. Daris even slammed his box of cupcakes on the floor and stomped his foot on it. And hundreds of miles away, a loud ”Nooooooo!” was heard echoing through EW’s offices from this writer’s room. Daris, why didn’t you just send them to me?! —Kate Ward
Modern Family recap: Family ties
Cameron: On paper [Gloria and I]] should be good friends, I mean look at us, one spicy, curvy diva — Mitchell: — and Gloria.
America’s Next Top Model recap: Dance, dance, meh-volution
Because seriously, holy hell, Tyra was wearing a naked-looking jumpsuit! With unfortunate crotch bunching and ankle stacking! Do I need to say that it was unflattering, or is that implied? It was, at best, an eyeball abortion, and I cannot believe I spent 25 minutes Googling around to see if I could dig it up to link to here. Rachel Roy? No. Discount website? No. I could not find it, alas. Anyway, you have to get up pretty early in the morning to be ”the weird one” if you’re going to sit next to a guy wearing what appears to be a taffeta robe of some kind and a to-the-side claw/tooth necklace the size of my hand. But somehow, Tyra has managed. —Margaret Lyons
Lost recap: Uncorked
Smokey snatched up Whitfield’s body seconds before he was going to shish kabob Ricardo. It was a deus ex machina salvation. But then he saw the face of divine intervention on The Island, and it was terrifying. Smokey snaked into the ship and slowly tikatikatikatika’d over to Alpert. Then, Smokey bent into shape so he could get a good look at Richard (Those are some amazing eyelashes, he thought) and then flashed him with his psychic strobes. After acquiring the necessary intel from Richard’s head, Smokey left — and Richard fainted. —Jeff Jensen
ANYTHING IS PASO-BLE Master choreographer Derek somehow spun gold from a ”1950s-style paso doble” assignment.