Glee recap: The most Madge-ical hour ever!
Also, it is now official, my new show crush is Jesse St. James (played by Jonathan Groff). It used to be Puck, but Jesse is kinda stealing his bad-boy mojo, although I’m not sure you can classify someone who uses the term ”melancholia” as a bad boy. — Tim Stack
South Park: Episode ‘201’ is ‘CENSORED’
But back to CENSORED. Toward the end of the half-hour, Kyle stepped forward to deliver the episode’s moral affirmation: ”I learned something today,” he began — and what followed was one extra-long BLEEEEEEEEEEP. Apparently, the lesson was so profane or irreligious or obsessed with CENSORED that it could not be heard by an audience of impressionable South Park fans. Or, more likely, I think: Matt and Trey were just messing with us and took out some harmless pious blather. — Ken Tucker
America’s Next Top Model recap: Shining, gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen
Part of the challenge was also heckling each other, which didn?t really make sense, nor did anyone do a particularly good job of it. For example, no one mentioned that Angelea looked like she had a hair-tit. (Enjoy your nightmares!) Raina was wearing a coat made of Chewbacca fur, and Alexandra wore what appeared to be orangutan pelts. And everyone else’s outfit was worse. — Margaret Lyons
Lost recap: Reunited and it feels so KABOOM!
”The Last Recruit” didn’t blow me away. Some of it really bugged me, actually, but it was a necessary staging episode for the final act of the season (and the series!), and I won’t judge it too harshly. But can I just say that the Lapidus quip ”Looks like someone got their voice back” was maybe the most cornball line ever uttered on Lost? — Jeff Jensen
American Idol recap: The power of a good cry
Crystal covered her face, whispered a ”sorry” into the mic, then tried to lighten the mood by asking an audience member for a pair of shades. I know there’ll be naysayers who call this performance unprofessional at best, or calculated at worst, but I think they’re missing the point: I’ll sacrifice a bit of vocal perfection any day if it means I get to experience genuine emotional release in the process. Crystal had her dad in the audience, her homemade antique mic stand on the stage, and an actual message of inspiration in her heart. There are worse circumstances under which one can lose one’s composure, no? (I’ll start the confessional by admitting I once began blubbering while relating the story of Shel Silverstein’s The Giving Tree to my mother-in-law. #IBlameTheWine!) — Michael Slezak
The Biggest Loser recap: Testing their strength
The rest of the cast filed into the eating room and ate their sub-1,500-calorie meals solo like sad crazy-haired cat ladies in a segment I can only describe as?boring. I know temptation challenges are never riveting to watch, but I felt like I had parked my couch in front of an Old Country Buffet line during the whole thing. — Kate Ward
Celebrity Apprentice recap: Can someone please get Donald Trump a freakin’ bandanna already?
The task was for each team to make over a country music artist, get him/her ready for a live performance, and prepare him/her for an interview with a People magazine reporter? WHAT?!? PEOPLE MAGAZINE?!? You mean, some other writer from some other magazine is going to be living out my fantasy by appearing and judging on Celebrity Apprentice? Oh, the pain. It cuts deep. — Dalton Ross
16 and Pregnant recap: 10 reflections on an infuriating episode
This is where I could make fun of Kailyn’s dad putting a lock on his fridge to keep his $200 worth of meat safe and secure. But as a Texan, all I can say is that’s what we do. — Sandra Gonzalez
Desperate Housewives recap: Killing me softly
The storyline strikes me as strange because I don’t feel much affinity for this serial killer — or the women he’s targeted so far. Julie? I could take her or leave her — she’s mostly annoying and seems so inconsequential. The coffee shop girl? I didn’t even know who she was. And Preston’s former fiancé Irina? Good riddance to bad rubbish! (Last night’s hour only sealed my hatred for her, what with her continual plot to screw over Preston and all.) Why, exactly, should I care that this guy is killing non-important characters on Wisteria Lane? If anyone can tell me that, I’m honestly all ears. — Tanner Stransky
Castle recap: Beckett gets a love interest. Let the games begin!
How do you feel about Demming? I like that he’s a good guy. I always hate it when shows make characters fall for people beneath them — it makes you lose respect for them. — Mandi Bierly
RuPaul’s Drag Race recap: Top moments from the clip show
The catchphrases! Of course, no recap show of Drag Race would ever be complete without at least a quick spotlight on the show’s genius catchphrases. They hit on all the long-running faves — ”Don’t f— it up!” and ”The time has come for you to? lipsync for your life!” — but I’ve become more obsessed with a new one that has seemed to emerge this season: ”Are you going through some psychological changes in your life?!” I can’t even begin to try to get the intonation of the phrase right, but if you saw the show, you get it. — Tanner Stransky
Project Runway recap: The Bryant Park showdown, plus a reunion of bitchery
No way this unflattering symphony of mismatched olive, gold, red, and blue is gonna beat Seth Aaron?s bold ode to? uh? Hitler and Stalin? (No, no, I don’t really think that’s what he meant.) — Missy Schwartz
30 Rock recap: Single and fabulous
”Then tomorrow is the wine and cheese tasting?or as I like to call it, ‘singles fart suppression.”’ — Liz, whose paychecks are a different color than Howie Mandel’s — Emily Exton
The Office recap: Me want cookie!
The breakout characters for this episode were definitely Erin and Gabe, two of the newer faces at DMHQ, and one of the things that keeps me optimistic about The Office, even if I sometimes wonder about its lifespan, is its ability to integrate new people. Will there ever come a time when the show doesn’t include Dwight, Jim, Pam, and Michael? I really hope not. But knowing that new characters can make sense within the show — without seeming like straight-up replacements, Law and Order-style — is encouraging. — Margaret Lyons
Supernatural recap: Good gods, y’all
Dean: You know what? Bite me, Gabriel
Gabriel: Maybe later, big boy.
I couldn’t just ignore that one. — Sandra Gonzalez
Community recap: Drunk with chicken power
Abed’s highly entertaining Goodfellas-esque voice-over told the story of the group abusing its newfound power, trading fingers for favors. Pierce got an entourage, Troy got a monkey (named Annie?s Boobs), Shirley got the attention of her dreadlocked mancake, Annie got a free fancy backpack, and Britta got a British hairdresser. I don’t have to tell you that the house came crashing down. — Sandra Gonzalez
Survivor recap: Bring on the boneheaded moves!
Of course, J.T. bought Russell’s act ”hook, line, and sinker.” So much so that he said ”it’s a known fact” that there were no immunity idols left in the game. Rupert, however, was a different story. Recognizing an opportunity to get in good with the Heroes, Sandra approached the tie-dyed one, and told him that Russell and Parvati were running the show. Russell was the kingpin, and Parvati was the second-in-command. (How many more metaphors are they going to come up with to describe the duo? Russell’s the bee king. Parvati is the helper bee. Russell’s the Oprah, Parvati’s the Stedman.) — Kate Ward
Dancing With the Stars recap: Tony and Kate plus Fate
?On the Week 5 results show of Dancing With the Stars season 10, Kate Gosselin was beamed from Planet Mirrorballus back to a world in which an abundance of pastel, sequins, and ’80s fashions are an aberration instead of the encouraged norm. A nation gasps, but does not quite weep. I can’t decide which makes me more perplexed — that Tom called this week’s fallen Star ”fan favorite Kate Gosselin,” or that the Free Tony T-shirt I ordered might have a weaker shelf life than I’d suspected. I’ll just call it a ”vintage Dancing With the Stars collector’s item” and wear it as a bottom layer… in bed. — Annie Barrett