TV Watch: 15 Highlights from Oct. 16 to Oct. 22, 2009

Bad news for the Pritchett clan, good news for us: Phil isn't the only family member harboring an inappropriate crush on an in-law. Seriously, was there anything better on last night's dangerously funny installment of Modern Family than Cameron's overly enthusiastic admission about his attraction to Mitchell's dad Jay? ''For the record, you're smokin' hot. One hundred percent. You're totally my type. You're dangerous. You're gettable. You have a little cashola in your pocket?.the whole kit and kaboodle.''— Michael Slezak

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The medical team has their hands full as a scary moment at a challenge changes everything

I feel really bad for Russell. Sure, the guy made a few bonehead moves, but he's one of those people that you could tell was just dying (not literally, thankfully) to be out there. I actually came close to shedding tears when he started to breakdown. Me! Tears! How dare you crack my heart of stone, Dreadlocked Russell? It especially killed me when he said how ''I played every minute to win this game, and to have my body fail me is utterly demoralizing.'' It killed me because that is exactly how I would have felt had the same thing happened to me. (Of course, my 148-pound weakling of a body fails me on a daily basis, so I'm quite used to it by now. Hell, I have trouble picking up a gallon of milk.) — Dalton Ross

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The judges pick the top 20 on a night filled with plenty of drama but little dancing

Really, unless Russell makes like Mariah and has an ice-cream-cart-style meltdown, he's pretty much a lock for the final four, if not the win. Who doesn't love the underdog? No, seriously, tell me who doesn't. Because then I'd like to invite that person over to my apartment so I can ask him/her, ''Do you have a heart?!'' before forcing him/her to watch a slew of feel-good, inspirational movies like Remember the Titans, or Pod People. — Kate Ward

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It's an evening of interesting pairings as Will tries to marry Ken's and Emma's wedding song choices, Puck and Rachel give it a go, Sue finds love, and Quinn and Finn meet unpopularity

Props to Puck for his response when Rachel told him in the heat of the moment that she couldn't do this anymore (''Why? We're a couple of good-lookin' Jews. It's natural''), and his excellent wooing with Neil Diamond's ''Sweet Caroline,'' or, as he called it, a ''personal tribute to a musical Jewish icon.'' (Note the longing look that Quinn shot Puck during his performance.) Alas, Puck and Rachel couldn't quite get on the same page. He chose football over Glee Club, closing the door on Rachel, but then changed his mind, only to have her close the door on him. While he got her to admit that she'd hoped that their fling would make Finn jealous, she called him out for harboring a crush on Quinn. (Keep digging, Rachel — there's a little more to that story....) — Dan Snierson

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Last night, we saw how good Lie To Me can be. With a superb guest appearance by Garret Dillahunt (Deadwood) as a gun-wielding hostage-taker, Roth and co-star Kelli Williams really got to show what they can do. Lie To Me has all the makings of a solid, maybe even surprisingly original series. — Ken Tucker

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Michael bragged to Jim that he had a ''lover,'' and confessed immediately that it was Pam's mom. Jim didn't believe him until Michael correctly identified that Mama Beesely drives a green Camry, at which point we got a glorious blurred-out expletive from Jim. Jim implored Michael not to tell Pam, but it was clear from the get-go that that plan would never, ever work. It didn't. Moments later, Pam accidentally teased the info out of Michael. Jenna Fischer crushed this scene, veering from playful to shocked to livid to run-out-of-the-room screaming with impressive naturalism. It's sort of a hokey moment to play, but it worked. ''That could have gone one of two ways, but I never expected her to get upset,'' Michael confessionalized soberly. — Margaret Lyons

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It's been building to this for weeks: The lumbering arthritic bear Clay wants violent revenge on Adam Ethan Zobelle. The dexterous blond Zen-master Jax wants to go a more strategic route. Put these two SAMCRO pros in orange jump-suits in prison, and things were bound to get ugly. Last night's lengthy, climactic Sons of Anarchy fight — complete with elbows to face, boots to face, choke-holds and bear-hugs — was pretty close to better than anything on Ultimate Fighter. Kudos to Charlie Hunnam and Ron Perlman (and their stunt-men?) for really tearing into each other. — Ken Tucker

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Turns out Kim and NeNe ran into each other at Lil Bow Wow's mom's clothing store. French tips wagged, spittle flew....The conversation over who was the biggest bitch escalated to the point where NeNe allegedly choked Kim and shoved her wig up against a wall. The Bravo production team still cannot believe they weren't on hand for the heavyweight championship that NeNe swears was a 10. So instead of another demoralizing scene of a street fight we got to hear about the confrontation in double-speak, as Kim gleefully tattled to Kandi. ''She's a f?ing moose!'' she said, the bleeps badly missing all their marks. NeNe, her bravado exhausted, seethed to the ever faithful Dwight. ''We're not going to be friends ever!'' Karen Valby

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Now we find a Hiro hobbled by a brain tumor, taking time from his righting-his-life's-wrongs tour to counsel Emma, the sound + vision power-noob. And, suddenly, Hiro regains purpose. See, THIS is what his role should've been these past few years: Hiro should've been the hero who'd been through his war, defeating Sylar, and now served to guide others. He should've been Heroes' Yoda. The brain tumor only would've bolstered that. And then, at the end of this season, Hiro could have come off of the sidelines and showed exactly what ''a master of time and space'' is capable of, one last time. Heroic death. Trumpets fade. Of course, that didn't happen. And probably won't. — Marc Bernardin

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The remaining dancers take on a group hustle and Maks makes a surprise return

I'm not sure why Kelly was so worried she wouldn't do justice to her father's song ''Crazy Train'' — doesn't she know there's an entire band for that? Bruno's critique of Kelly was spot-on: When she is ''on it,'' she delivers; she just needs to get there and stay there. I'm loving the rapport between Kelly and Louis (they're so comfortable with each other, he even blows his nose into her mouth) and their shared commitment to the heavy metal qualities of slate gray. The extra-voluptuous Kelly had total Sharon hair for the paso, and Louis loves any excuse to wear eye makeup, so that worked out well. — Annie Barrett

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Kate and the three younger girls go on a Florida adventure, while Jon stays home with the rest

When she took her trio on a hot air balloon ride, Kate gave us a nonstop charm offensive. She told us how hot it was in the balloon, and how hard it was to wake up early, and how silly she was for her choice of footwear. ''I had heels on,'' said our gal. ''It doesn't surprise me, I really only pack heels.'' Tee-hee! That's real cute, Kate! But save it for your talk show! — Darren Franich

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Don wins accolades while living his double life, and Betty catches on to the bigger lies

So he scurries off to the garage apartment, where Miss Farrell waits with gold stars on her cheeks and loaves of fresh date nut bread cooling on the stove. We zoom back to Betty, left alone at home to read a Mary McCarthy novel about largely unhappily married women. Back to Miss Farrell's we went, where Don and Teach enjoy some cozy pillow talk in bed about her student's questioning of the color blue. How do we know your version of blue equals mine? ''The truth is people may see things differently but they don't really want to,'' said Don. He's so intrigued by this wild woman, the anti-Betty, who dares to scream during orgasms and likes it on top. — Karen Valby

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Gaby shares a secret with her niece, Lynette keeps her secret from Carlos, and Julie's secret is revealed...at least to us

Even though they are a bit boring, Carlos and Gaby continue to be my favorite couple on Wisteria Lane. Tom and Lynette, who are still keeping her pregnancy under wraps, need to step it back up if they want to get back into my good graces. This week, the Scavos really just provided some really cheap laughs, like when Tom called Lynette's pregnancy-enlarged breasts ''The Supremes'' and referred to his own parts as ''Benny and the Jets.'' I mean, wow. Wow! We're going there? ''The Supremes'' was kind of funny, ''Benny and the Jets'' seems to take it one step too far. But there was even more: ''The kids get snow days,'' Tom told Lynette, trying to convince her to stay home so he could play with ''The Supremes.'' ''We could call it a Boob Day!'' Wat wat. Yes, it's true, fans! The Scavos story line was all about Lynette's big boobs. — Tanner Stransky

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Teams face heat and cold in the Persian Gulf, while we wonder what's going wrong with the challenges this season

Lance then ended up angrily pacing the desert, muttering deliriously to himself like Chevy Chase in Vacation. Finding an empty urn, he lifted it over his head and threw it on the ground. Urn make Lance angry, Lance crush urn! I'm guessing that in Lane and Keri's home, there is a giant pile of broken toasters with Lance's fistprints on them. When he finally finished the Roadblock, he dropped his stuff off with the clue-giving Bedouin, saying, ''Have a spoon, have a ladle, have a nice life'' and quickly turned to leave. Gee, Lance, as you're so close to Iraq, is there any way we can get you on a USO tour, 'cause you've got goodwill shooting out of your ass!— Josh Wolk

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And then there was Chuck's man kiss. Loooooved that whole sequence. Where the hell is Chuck Bass when I saunter up to the bar by myself? Damn. He was so hot in that scene. Loved when Josh asked if he could help him and Chuck responded, ''Oh definitely.'' Although, Josh needs to learn some better pick-up lines than ''Where do you get your hair cut?'' Way to kill the mood, NYU guy. But Chuck had the best line of the night when he asked Blair, ''Did you really think I never kissed a guy before?'' Genius. Let's have some flashbacks ASAP!— Tim Stack

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