Bones recap: A wedding and a Wiccan funeral
Cam came for them, just as Angela was getting an orgasmic massage from Hodgins (it’s kind of awesome that a scientist on TV is portrayed as having magic hands and other parts — page 187!). —Mandi Bierly
Grey’s Anatomy recap: Sensitivity training
Like Callie, I, too, barely noticed the details of her injury, because I was too wrapped up in how cute she was — and the fact that she started right in on Callie by telling her that her friend bet her she’d have a sexy doctor: ”Now you show up, so I owe her 20 bucks.” I’d grown very protective of Arizona and Callie as a couple, so this brought up a lot of feelings for me. Uncomfortable ones. Made even worse by their hand-holding later. — Jennifer Armstrong
Survivor: Heroes vs Villains recap: Russell turns on his own
And as much as people both inside and outside of Survivor may not like Russell, I also know there were plenty of folks who enjoyed hearing him mock the bearded wonder: ”The great, powerful Rupert. The good guy. The second coming of Christ… You’re such a dumbass, Rupert.”—Dalton Ross
Community recap: Movie clichés have never been so good
Much like the characters battling it out for the chance at priority registration, the episode became a game of Name That Movie. —Sandra Gonzalez
Real Housewives of NY recap: Alex vs. Jill
I wish we had been able to see the clothes, but since they can’t fight, they stayed zipped up in their garment bags. —Catherine Garcia
Fringe recap: ‘Northwest Passage,’ Violet Sedan Chair, and Walternate revealed
The hour was not so much Twin Peaks-y (the misty Northwest setting; the slice of pie in the diner) as very X-File-y: the way Peter and Mathis made their flashlights cut through the dark woods in the time-honored manner of Mulder and Scully, and most obviously, the way Mathis’ lawman colleague (and lover) told her, ”You want to believe.” —Ken Tucker
The Dudesons in America: Finding Jackass-stye fun in foolery
I got a good cringe out of the ball-busting banister gag, appropriately called Stairway to Hell. (Like with Jackass, I take almost as much delight in seeing these guys dread the stunt they’re facing down as I do in witnessing the big hurt.) —Dan Snierson
30 Rock recap: A mother knows
”I walked on your face!” —Buzz Aldrin, who doesn’t believe in barriers? because he always breaks them —Emily Exton
The Office recap: Exploding printers last all summer long
Dwight knew only one way to tell if Donna was cheating: seduce her. I think I saw this movie, and it was called Chloe. Except I didn’t see Chloe, and this was way better. —Darren Franich
Glee recap: Every now and then I fall apart
Last night, you could actually hear the psychic nuclear explosion sweeping the nation as ”Run Joey Run” suddenly became the awesomest song ever. —Darren Franich
American Idol recap: Chairman of the Bored
You got a whopping two minutes to present your musical case to the voting jury on ”Summer Wind.” When you finished, four ”expert” witnesses got called to the stand to testify. And it doesn’t matter if you objected, if you thought all of ’em were off the mark. And it doesn’t matter that there was no judge on hand to bang his gavel and yell ”order in the court!” You needed to plaster on a nice big smile, nod your head, and accept the panelists’ critiques with the humility and grace of an industry amateur trying to land herself a major-label record deal. —Michael Slezak
Dancing With the Stars recap: Celebrate
”’Strong, powerful, sexy, dominating — everything a girl would want,” cried Bruno, politely substituting ”a girl” for ”I.” —Annie Barrett
Celebrity Apprentice recap: Bret Michaels Refuses to Stop Talking About Plumber’s Crack
And it certainly seemed headed that way as Bret’s original inspiration for the plumbing spot seemed to consist of him and Sharon Osbourne making various pooping noises. But amazingly, Bret was eventually able to find the middle ground: sexing up his One Hour Heating and Air Conditioning ad with a ’70s porn soundtrack and talk of being ”hot and sticky,” while also creating a 1930’s swing sound spot for Mister Sparky (which only sounds like the name of someone’s pet vibrator). —Dalton Ross
The Vampire Diaries recap: Quicker than a Maury DNA test
Seriously, why was Damon the only one who pieced together that John was Elena’s father when Isobel made no secret of the fact that Uncle John and she dated when they were teens, which is when she got pregnant, delivered a baby, and handed it over to John’s doctor brother? —Mandi Bierly
America’s Next Top Model recap: Back in the hobbit
I’m starting to wonder if he gets his ideas the same place he gets his outrageously massive cloaks. (A bespoke couture insanity boutique on Nonsense Road in Crazytown, just a little past the Is That Really A Word? Expressway. If you get to Paula Abdul Avenue, you went too far!) —Margaret Lyons
![<p><strong><em>Modern Family</em> recap: Come fly with me</strong> </p>
<p>Cam: [tearing up] All he wanted to do was dance! That’s my story!<br /> Mitchell: Five hours of this.<br /> Cam: [in a Billy Elliot accent] I just wunna dance at the ballet! —<em>Margaret Lyons</em> </p>
<p><a href="http://popwatch.ew.com/2010/05/06/modern-family-recap-ep-22/" target="_new">Read the whole recap</a></p>](https://ewedit.files.wordpress.com/2015/01/modern-family-airport_400.jpg)
Modern Family recap: Come fly with me
Cam: [tearing up] All he wanted to do was dance! That’s my story!
Mitchell: Five hours of this.
Cam: [in a Billy Elliot accent] I just wunna dance at the ballet! —Margaret Lyons
Castle recap: Food for thought
”You have no idea how hard it is to love someone knowing they’re gonna break your heart,” she told Beckett and Castle. Castle thought she should have gone with the chef — the heart wants what it wants. Beckett said she understood why she played it safe: Some men make you feel alive, but if you know they’re gonna let you down in the end, why risk it? —Mandi Bierly
The Real Housewives of New Jersey recap: Danielle, Danielle, Danielle
Apparently ”Garbage” is the new ”Countless” when it comes to grievous insults. —Karen Valby
Gossip Girl recap: Chuck and Blair save each other… and the episode
Ugh, I can’t believe I’m kind of defending Rufus of all people. Gross. Although, that is not as revolting as Serena clinging to her dad at the gala like a trophy wife instead of a daughter (creepy?). —Sandra Gonzalez
Big Bang Theory recap: Not coitus-ing around
Sheldon wanted to have dinner with Leonard and Penny, and figured the best way to do it was through careful stealth and emotional subtly?or, as it worked out, terribly conspicuous covers and gratuitous lies. —Margaret Lyons
24 recap: An SOB of an episode
Moments after Dana cursed out Bledsoe, Cole was uttering his own ”son of a bitch” after discovering how Jack slipped a sleeve of bullets out of his gun while Cole wasn’t looking. ”Yeah, I know,” replied Jack — and that’s when I whispered a well-deserved ”nice” to exec producer Howard Gordon and his band of 24 writers. —Lynette Rice
1
Bones recap: A wedding and a Wiccan funeral
Cam came for them, just as Angela was getting an orgasmic massage from Hodgins (it’s kind of awesome that a scientist on TV is portrayed as having magic hands and other parts — page 187!). —Mandi Bierly
2
Grey’s Anatomy recap: Sensitivity training
Like Callie, I, too, barely noticed the details of her injury, because I was too wrapped up in how cute she was — and the fact that she started right in on Callie by telling her that her friend bet her she’d have a sexy doctor: ”Now you show up, so I owe her 20 bucks.” I’d grown very protective of Arizona and Callie as a couple, so this brought up a lot of feelings for me. Uncomfortable ones. Made even worse by their hand-holding later. — Jennifer Armstrong
3
Survivor: Heroes vs Villains recap: Russell turns on his own
And as much as people both inside and outside of Survivor may not like Russell, I also know there were plenty of folks who enjoyed hearing him mock the bearded wonder: ”The great, powerful Rupert. The good guy. The second coming of Christ… You’re such a dumbass, Rupert.”—Dalton Ross
4
Community recap: Movie clichés have never been so good
Much like the characters battling it out for the chance at priority registration, the episode became a game of Name That Movie. —Sandra Gonzalez
5
Real Housewives of NY recap: Alex vs. Jill
I wish we had been able to see the clothes, but since they can’t fight, they stayed zipped up in their garment bags. —Catherine Garcia
6
Fringe recap: ‘Northwest Passage,’ Violet Sedan Chair, and Walternate revealed
The hour was not so much Twin Peaks-y (the misty Northwest setting; the slice of pie in the diner) as very X-File-y: the way Peter and Mathis made their flashlights cut through the dark woods in the time-honored manner of Mulder and Scully, and most obviously, the way Mathis’ lawman colleague (and lover) told her, ”You want to believe.” —Ken Tucker
7
The Dudesons in America: Finding Jackass-stye fun in foolery
I got a good cringe out of the ball-busting banister gag, appropriately called Stairway to Hell. (Like with Jackass, I take almost as much delight in seeing these guys dread the stunt they’re facing down as I do in witnessing the big hurt.) —Dan Snierson
8
30 Rock recap: A mother knows
”I walked on your face!” —Buzz Aldrin, who doesn’t believe in barriers? because he always breaks them —Emily Exton
9
The Office recap: Exploding printers last all summer long
Dwight knew only one way to tell if Donna was cheating: seduce her. I think I saw this movie, and it was called Chloe. Except I didn’t see Chloe, and this was way better. —Darren Franich
10
Glee recap: Every now and then I fall apart
Last night, you could actually hear the psychic nuclear explosion sweeping the nation as ”Run Joey Run” suddenly became the awesomest song ever. —Darren Franich
12
American Idol recap: Chairman of the Bored
You got a whopping two minutes to present your musical case to the voting jury on ”Summer Wind.” When you finished, four ”expert” witnesses got called to the stand to testify. And it doesn’t matter if you objected, if you thought all of ’em were off the mark. And it doesn’t matter that there was no judge on hand to bang his gavel and yell ”order in the court!” You needed to plaster on a nice big smile, nod your head, and accept the panelists’ critiques with the humility and grace of an industry amateur trying to land herself a major-label record deal. —Michael Slezak
13
Dancing With the Stars recap: Celebrate
”’Strong, powerful, sexy, dominating — everything a girl would want,” cried Bruno, politely substituting ”a girl” for ”I.” —Annie Barrett
14
Celebrity Apprentice recap: Bret Michaels Refuses to Stop Talking About Plumber’s Crack
And it certainly seemed headed that way as Bret’s original inspiration for the plumbing spot seemed to consist of him and Sharon Osbourne making various pooping noises. But amazingly, Bret was eventually able to find the middle ground: sexing up his One Hour Heating and Air Conditioning ad with a ’70s porn soundtrack and talk of being ”hot and sticky,” while also creating a 1930’s swing sound spot for Mister Sparky (which only sounds like the name of someone’s pet vibrator). —Dalton Ross
15
The Vampire Diaries recap: Quicker than a Maury DNA test
Seriously, why was Damon the only one who pieced together that John was Elena’s father when Isobel made no secret of the fact that Uncle John and she dated when they were teens, which is when she got pregnant, delivered a baby, and handed it over to John’s doctor brother? —Mandi Bierly
16
America’s Next Top Model recap: Back in the hobbit
I’m starting to wonder if he gets his ideas the same place he gets his outrageously massive cloaks. (A bespoke couture insanity boutique on Nonsense Road in Crazytown, just a little past the Is That Really A Word? Expressway. If you get to Paula Abdul Avenue, you went too far!) —Margaret Lyons
17
Modern Family recap: Come fly with me
Cam: [tearing up] All he wanted to do was dance! That’s my story!
Mitchell: Five hours of this.
Cam: [in a Billy Elliot accent] I just wunna dance at the ballet! —Margaret Lyons
18
Castle recap: Food for thought
”You have no idea how hard it is to love someone knowing they’re gonna break your heart,” she told Beckett and Castle. Castle thought she should have gone with the chef — the heart wants what it wants. Beckett said she understood why she played it safe: Some men make you feel alive, but if you know they’re gonna let you down in the end, why risk it? —Mandi Bierly
19
The Real Housewives of New Jersey recap: Danielle, Danielle, Danielle
Apparently ”Garbage” is the new ”Countless” when it comes to grievous insults. —Karen Valby
20
Gossip Girl recap: Chuck and Blair save each other… and the episode
Ugh, I can’t believe I’m kind of defending Rufus of all people. Gross. Although, that is not as revolting as Serena clinging to her dad at the gala like a trophy wife instead of a daughter (creepy?). —Sandra Gonzalez
21
Big Bang Theory recap: Not coitus-ing around
Sheldon wanted to have dinner with Leonard and Penny, and figured the best way to do it was through careful stealth and emotional subtly?or, as it worked out, terribly conspicuous covers and gratuitous lies. —Margaret Lyons
22
24 recap: An SOB of an episode
Moments after Dana cursed out Bledsoe, Cole was uttering his own ”son of a bitch” after discovering how Jack slipped a sleeve of bullets out of his gun while Cole wasn’t looking. ”Yeah, I know,” replied Jack — and that’s when I whispered a well-deserved ”nice” to exec producer Howard Gordon and his band of 24 writers. —Lynette Rice
