TV Recaps: 14 Highlights from March 28 to April 2, 2010
Grey's Anatomy recap: Bundles of joy
''We are talking about pound cake because I want a kid and she doesn't,'' Callie said to Mark. Mark described his recent sexual exploits with Teddy thusly: ''I pounded her cake, she pounded mine.'' With the hesitation I'm still sensing from Teddy about this relationship, how much longer before Mark and Callie just have a kid together already? Just saying. —Jennifer Armstrong
Survivor: Heroes vs Villains recap: The Rob and Russell feud heats up
He couldn't even keep a dude with the biggest man-crush I've ever seen in my life in line. Poor Coach, trying to give his dream lover a hug after Boston Rob was voted out, only to be rebuffed and told ''You're a little man.'' I don't know if that was more or less humiliating than being told by Tyson that people didn't believe his stories about being attacked by Amazonian dwarfs dispatched by the nefarious Serpentor from the old G.I. Joe cartoons, but I do know that it hurt a lot. And if I were more technologically savvy I would be creating a YouTube video right now of all of Coach and Rob's special moments edited together into slow motion to the sweet sounds of Foreigner's ''I Want to Know What Love Is.'' It would be my tribute to Coach. And to love. And to Foreigner. —Dalton Ross
Supernatural recap: Knocking on heaven's door
Dean's happy place included things like shooting fireworks with Sammy circa 1996 and consuming crust-less PB&Js prepared by his mom. Sam's heavens included a Thanksgiving with someone else's family, his two-week turn as a runaway (complete with a stray dog named Bones), and the night he left for Stanford. Insulted that Sam's nirvana consisted of all things not family, Dean got angry with his brother. Pouting and brooding ensued. —Sandra Gonzalez
Dancing with the Stars recap: Trust your pro
Evan really played up that Grease look, flinging his leather jacket over his shoulder Danny Zuko-style. I'm glad he never formed a triangle of light with Buzz's mirrored bowtie and the mirrorball trophy; the blinding effects could have been fatal. —Annie Barrett
Fringe recap: 'Peter' and the 'Walternate': a gas, a trip, a mind-blower
In the alt-universe, Back to the Future starred Eric Stoltz instead of Michael J. Fox; does this mean Fox starred in Mask? —Ken Tucker
The Real Housewives of New York recap: Oh, Jill, for shame!
Jill ought to be ashamed of herself. I hope she is, and I hope she delivers a heartfelt, unconditional apology at the reunion show. I'm embarrassed to admit that last season I was so taken by her daffy charm that I became a fan on Facebook of the woman. I took it back this morning. She doesn't deserve me. —Karen Valby
Bones recap: Reading between the lines
Cut to Sweets finally coming to her in the Bone room. Seeing her standing on the ladder was the first time it hit me that maybe he wasn't going to crush her. He'd been deciding that he didn't want to spend another minute apart from her. He knelt and proposed using his mother's ring — which represented 60 years of love. I cheered. I'll admit it. It could be because the idea of making a strange setting suddenly romantic with a ladder reminded me of Singin' in the Rain, or because I can't wait to see if Daisy tries to make Brennan, Cam, and Angela a part of the wedding party. —Mandi Bierly
Project Runway recap: 'Here she is, boys!'
The look of joy on Anthony ''the Ambassador of Second Chances'' Williams' beaming face made my heart sing. Everything was right in the Runway world again. 'Twas the greatest triumph since Chris March's return in season four. I swear I heard birds chirping. —Missy Schwartz
American Idol recap: All the sinking ladies
''I don't think he understands,'' Kara barked when the subject turned to the judges' eviscerating critiques of the season's most unexpected top-nine finisher. ''Do you get what we're saying?'' she demanded in the tone of voice favored by a culturally insensitive cow asking for directions from a pesky ''foreigner'' during an Amazing Race challenge. —Michael Slezak
The Biggest Loser recap: Drama club
As soon as Jillian saw Melissa walk through that door, she cracked her knuckles, stared her down and told her ''I will break you,'' before downing a can of Steven Seagal's Lightening Bolt energy drink, stepping in Melissa's grill, and emptying a pouch of Biggest Loser protein powder in her eyes. ''Hope you enjoy your 40 calories of whoop-ass!'' the trainer screamed. —Kate Ward
The Amazing Race recap: A lovely bunch of coconuts
Steve made an aggressive move when he chose the shelled centenarian. ''I never met an ox that I could trust,'' he said darkly. ''Turtles are cool, man.'' Allie discovered some kind of turtle-whispering skills, and charmed their hero in a half-shell over the finish line. Steve: ''That's what her mom does to me all the time. Maybe with a beer or something.'' If season 16 of The Amazing Race had its own drinking game, ''someone mentions how much Steve likes beer'' would be worth a shot of tequila. —Darren Franich
The Vampire Diaries recap: Damon meets his match, Jeremy meets his maker
Personally, I don't think anyone who has to go into a chatroom and ask ''How do you become a vampire?'' and ''How do you kill a vampire?'' deserves to be turned. I know he's young, but COME ON! If Interview With a Vampire and bad Paula Abdul jokes exist in his world, so does the vampire craze. If he's so interested in vamps, wouldn't he have put on a freakin' Buffy repeat by now? —Mandi Bierly
Celebrity Apprentice recap: Rod Blagojevich is elected reality TV superstar!
Darryl Strawberry, getting tired of waiting for Skippy Smile-a-lot (although Darryl seems to get tired a lot) attempted to explain that it was unnecessary to stop and greet every single person. ''This is New York,'' he told Blago. ''Everybody says hi. You gotta keep moving.'' Blago's response: ''I got you.'' But then, just 2.5 seconds later, as he passed his very first person, he couldn't resist. ''Hi!'' I mean, that was one of the most genuine and hilarious things I've ever seen on TV. —Dalton Ross
Lost recap: The complete 'Package'
Jin threw on some pants and hid in the bathroom while Sun threw on a robe and checked her face in the mirror, making her the latest Sideways character to be given a long, lingering encounter with their looking-glass self. She answered the door. It was Martin Keamy, the creepy crook with the Mayan death-god last name and the Christopher Walken disposition. —Jeff Jensen