TV Recaps: 10 Highlights from the Week Ending June 4, 2010

'Hoarders' new update edition: Failures pile up. The show helps almost no one

In fact, the implicit promise of the series — that its subjects can be helped with the combination of public exposure (via the Hoarders camera crew filming) and private counseling — was shown to be a joke. Betty, Paul, Jill, and Bill all reverted to their pack-rat ways pretty much as soon as the Hoarders crew pulled out of their driveways, continuing to inflict misery upon their families. — Ken Tucker

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Bret Michaels' new VH1 reality show: Cursing, flatulence, and tears (all from his 4-year-old)

The thing is, as interesting as that turning point in Michaels? life is, the footage in this special didn?t feel 100 percent real. We?re supposed to believe that Bret hadn?t made up his mind that he was going to try to be a real boyfriend to Kristi before they decided to do this series about him being ''Poppa Rocka''? That Raine just happened to have a homework assignment that involved answering questions about her dad?s job during his surprise visit? The cynic in me wasn?t sure whether to feel sad that a camera was on Jorja when she was sobbing into Bret?s shoulder and begging him to stay another day, or to feel foolish for feeling that sad when she?d looked at the camera first. — Mandi Bierly

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'Burn Notice' and 'Royal Pains' season-premiere recaps: Are these characters still welcome?

I know that Burn Notice will never stray entirely away from its more frolicsome aspects, and no one wants it to: All those light-comedy scenes and wry, informative spy-Michael voice-overs are a big part of the series? charm. At the same time, I liked the new intensity, and hope the series can continue to juggle both tones adroitly. — Ken Tucker

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'So You Think You Can Dance' recap: Sex doesn't sell

During the first hour of last night's So You Think You Can Dance when Nigel, Adam, and new guest judge Hi Hat journeyed to L.A., I began to fear my favorite dance show on television would fall victim to the lure of the some of the Hollywood auditioners' cha-chas (hint: not the dance), and trot out a season 7 cast equivalent to The Girls Next Door. — Kate Ward

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'Glee' recap: Won't you take me to Funkytown?

Jesse, you kinda broke up with me last night, too. I need more signs or warning before a breakup. Love, Tim. Also, if you ever throw an egg at me like you did to Rachel, I would have kicked you in the balls. Rachel, take note if that happens again. — Tim Stack

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'The Bachelorette' recap: Calendar boys

She also pledged, to the camera, that she would stop the game-playing that had heretofore plagued her dating life and ''let each guy here know exactly how I feel about them.'' Do you know when it's really easy to stop playing games and let guys know exactly how you feel? WHEN YOU HAVE MORE THAN A DOZEN MEN VYING FOR YOUR AFFECTION. Just saying. — Jennifer Armstrong

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'The Real Housewives of New York' recap: Oh Ramona, give us a hug

The song is ridiculous and I like to picture LuAnn?s autotune wearing a clenched smile and shiny red cowboy boots backstage. But LuAnn deserves a big hug for getting up there on stage and asking the crowd if they were ready to rock and roll. She?s had a lousy break this past year and if she wants to sway her hips to an etiquette dance song then who are we to harsh her buzz. — Karen Valby

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'Hell's Kitchen' recap: Impossible is Nothing

The boys beat the girls in a nail-biter. While the females licked their wounds and the males gave each other friendly backslaps, Gordo sweetened the deal by announcing the stakes: the winner of this season gets to be the Head Chef at the Gordon Ramsay restaurant at the Savoy Hotel in London. Everyone acted like this was incredible news. Jason: ''In rap terms, that?s like Jay-Z!'' (Which means the Savoy Hotel used to be cool, but it?s been super lame and corporate ever since it got married to a former member of Destiny?s Child.) — Darren Franich

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'Downtown Girls' premiere recap: It's 'Sex and the City' minus Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte

Each girl will bring men she is no longer interested in, in hopes that he?ll hit it off with one of her friends. (Remember Charlotte?s own recycled men party?). Cue clinking glasses! Tequila shots! Awkwardness at seeing their exes! Jealousy at seeing their friends flirt with their exes! Drunken make outs with boys who only recently started growing chest hair! (Burning question: Where and when did Victoria meet that 19-year-old if he?s her ex-boyfriend?) — Emily Exton

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'The Real Housewives of New Jersey' recap: Friends with benefits

Teresa wants Joe to get a vasectomy. Joe says fuhgeddaboutit. Overnight it appears that Teresa is back on her feet, making breakfast and attiring her children in furiously bedazzled jeans. — Karen Valby

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