Summer Movies: Grading 2014's Posters
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Neighbors
A straightforward concept. Two very different demographics: Rogen as aging-stoner-thirtysomething, Efron-as-aging-teen-hottie. Also, incongruous babies are always funny. Simple and effective. B+
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Amazing Spider-Man 2
So you're making the fifth or sixth Spider-Man movie in 12 years. Do you try to convince people that they're about to see something new? Or do you show Spider-Man doing his Spider-Man thing, the way Spider-Man always does. ''But this time he's upside-down!'' Not good enough. The blah tagline is the rotten cherry on top. D+
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X-Men: Days of Future Past
Fox launched their campaign for the X-Men prequel-sequel with those groovy past/future overlays of Magneto and Professor X. But their latest poster is more straightforward, a bargain Drew Struzan knockoff that stresses one thing: There are lots of X-Men in this X-Men movie. Look, Colossus! C+
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Maleficent
The top half of this poster is just perfect, with Jolie cast in pale horror-movie monochrome with a few Sin City-esque splashes of color. Then there's the bottom half of the poster, which is Alice the Slaying Huntsman in Wonderland. B
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A Million Ways to Die in the West
Although it falls victim to some bad photoshopping (do actors even pose for posters in the same continent anymore?) credit Seth MacFarlane with an eye-grabbingly non sequitur image (yay, sheep!) Also, Liam Neeson gives every poster a grade bump. B
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Edge of Tomorrow
James Cameron called, he wants his exoskeletons back. Cool dirt, though. No posters have prettier dirt than this poster. C+
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The Fault in Our Stars
A familiar romantic image, given a slight twist with huge ramifications. The poster and its punny tagline were a bit controversial. Just means they're doing their job right. A
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22 Jump Street
You loved the original; now here's the sequel! Another brute-force comedy pitch, but Tatum and Hill are doing actual funny faces, and that tagline is the rare cringey pun that's actually funny. B+
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How To Train Your Dragon 2
The Sequel-As-Character-Roundup. Looks pretty, nice to see the lead character slightly-more-grown-up. Demerit: Everyone besides the girl is doing some variation on the Dreamworks Face. B
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The Signal
How do you sell a weird little science-fiction movie? With weird minimalist sci-fi imagery of course! Attention-grabbing and lo-fi, albeit maybe a bit too opaque about anything that actually happens in the movie. B+
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Transformers: Age of Extinction
So you're making the fourth Transformers movie in seven years. Do you offer people more of the same? Or do you offer up an extremely weird, disturbingly incongruous image of a lone machine marching down a lonely road, while impossible and unfathomably mega-structures lurk in the background? Fair enough, Trans4mers, fair enough. A
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Think Like a Man Too
The Sequel-As-''But This Time They're In Vegas!'' We could ponder the fact that the men's faces all look stapled onto unmatching bodies. But fun is what's promised, and fun is achieved. B
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Dawn of the Planet of the Apes
Devastating. I'm already crying. Cute Ape Baby is already a frontunner for Rookie of the Year, Summer 2014 Edition. A
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Boyhood
There's such a thing as going too minimal, and this iconic image buries the lede about the central fascination of Richard Linklater's decade-in-the-making coming-of-age story. B-
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Godzilla
If Godzilla: The Movie is half as good as Godzilla: The Marketing Campaign, it'll be the movie of the summer. A
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Jupiter Ascending
Nobody expects a simple pitch from the Wachowskis. So if the two character posters for Jupiter Ascending make it look like an unfinished Roger Zelazny short story remade into an R-rated Golden Compass reboot, then we have to assume that was their intention. It ain't boring. B+
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The Purge: Anarchy
The dorm-room poster of the summer, whether you mean it ironically or sincerely. A
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Blended
Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. F
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Wish I Was Here
2004 called, it wants its whimsy back. You can keep Kate Hudson. C
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Hercules
Crucially unclear how this isn't just The Scorpion King again. But The Rock gives good warface. C
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Sex Tape
Comedy Posters of 2014: Huge Concept Title, Stars Making Wacky Faces. Diaz and Segel's desperation to cover up the title is a nice touch, though. And gotta love how they're reclaiming Black-and-Red from action movies. B-
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Guardians of the Galaxy
How do you sell a decades-old property that few mainstream moviegoers have ever heard of, starring a motley crew of sitcom actors and trees? If you're Marvel, you turn Guardians' intrinsic weirdness into part of the joke: The billion-dollar names of their Avengers characters lead straight into the title, with a jokey ''You're Welcome'' tagline. Sure looks, pretty, too, although you could argue that they soft-pedal the weirdness a bit. Take away the raccoon and the neon skin colors, and this could be an Expendables poster. A-
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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Oh, Donatello. Always the bow staff, never a weapon that anyone actually respects. Also, while I always support the decision to go minimalist in principle, a close-up of a three-fingered green turtle hand is not particularly catchy/vaguely terrifying. C-
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The Rover
Looks cool. Meh tagline. ''But can this face still sell movie tickets?'' is the question lingering over this poster. C
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The Expendables 3
The most important image of the year, question mark? Harrison Ford. Smiling, kind of. Wearing what is supposed to be a flight suit but what, in the context of no context, looks like a very comfortable onesie. Crossed-arms, leg-up, like he just wrote a self-help guidebook to actualizing your inner reality. The lights make it all dangerously meta. BEYOND OUR MEAGER HUMAN RANGE OF MEASUREABLE QUALITY