Summer Movies: 11 (Im)posters
The Golden Girls
The Gray Wolfpack hits the big screen in this inevitable adaptation of everyone's favorite geriatric sitcom. Miami better watch its back, because these gals are going to party all night! (Or at least until Jeopardy!)
Over the years, Pixar Animation Studios has introduced us to the secret worlds of toys, insects, monsters, fish, and rats. Now let Pixar show you what's been going on right under your collar with Ties, featuring the voice of Paul Giamatti as Windsor. Cravat are you waiting for?
Your fourth-favorite '80s cartoon characters get lost in modern-day Hollywood in this possibly anticipated 3-D remake. The whole family will find something to barely enjoy, as the cuddly Care Bears learn to rap, skateboard, and use product-placement smartphones. Also: fart jokes!
Home Alone: Legacy
Jeremy Renner brings an incredible (and unnecessary) intensity to the role of Kevin McCallister's cousin Devin, in a gritty reboot that dares to answer all the questions you never asked about the Home Alone mythology.
Is your mind really your own? Can time stand still when it's running out? Are we dreaming a reality or living a dream? How many licks does it take to get to the center of your consciousness? Joseph Gordon-Levitt stars as a man with a three-piece suit and a serious look on his face in this highly anticipated film about?something. The title's a little ambiguous, as is the poster, and I can pretty much guarantee you the trailer won't be much help, but it'll probably have lots of crazy shots of melting clocks and Möbius strips, so there's that.
Expulsion: The Wickerlamp Quartet — Part One
Based on the bestselling and awful series of YA novels by Carolyn St. Marie, this heart-pounding romance takes us into the future city of Tempest, where all love has been outlawed under penalty of death. Starring two actors you had never heard of eight months ago but now won't shut up about, the 16-part saga follows a pair of teens from two different worlds — one a Groundling, the other a Skylord — who must fight the powers that be for their right to stare longingly into each other's eyes for a full quarter of the movie. Look forward to Dreamchaser: The Wickerlamp Quartet — Part Two, hitting theaters in six months, and Harvest Sun: The Wickerlamp Quartet — Part Two (Part Two) six months after that.
She's just a twentysomething girl who never felt comfortable in her own skin?so she wore someone else's! Mila Kunis stars as Alyssa Banks, a serial killer whose four-state murder spree left 15 dead before she was finally apprehended. But just when she thought there was nothing left to hope for, she meets Colin Rogers (Ryan Reynolds), the federal marshal tasked with transporting her to maximum-security prison. Rogers may be good with prisoners, but he's got a problem with commitment, and these two are about to find out that you really can't choose who you love. She's going to win his heart if she has to cut it out of his chest herself. Adorable!
Tyler Perry Presents Penny Saved
Penelope Walker (Gabrielle Union) is a hard-working career woman who thinks she has it all. But after she makes some bad investments and sleeps with her married boss, her life begins a downward spiral. But hope appears in the person of Gerald Jones (Tyler Perry), a lovable single father and entrepreneur. Will Penny learn how to be a better person? Will the unlikely moral stakes of the film make you feel like there's some higher power trying to teach Penny a ham-fisted and conservative lesson about gender roles and family values? You know what they say: A Penny saved?is a Penny learned.
Family Ever After
Jason Sudeikis and Cameron Diaz make a desperate play for indie cred in this dark-but-not-really comedy. They play a quirky engaged couple who want to elope. But there's an eccentric twist: They want to elope?in Disneyland. For witnesses, they bring along their parents: Sudeikis's widowed father (Ed Harris) and Diaz's divorced mom (Julie Christie). But there's an even-more-eccentric twist: Back in the '60s, Harris and Christie used to know each other?and I mean know each other! Cross-generational awkwardness and randy senior-citizen tomfoolery ensues in this R-rated family film, which won the Audience Award at Sundance and is positively guaranteed to slightly shock your mother.
Taylor Kitsch tries one last time in this gritty real-world update of the faintly beloved '90s cartoon about environmental awareness. The year is 2013, and the world is beset by natural disasters. But that's all going to change, now that Captain Planet is back! Features an all-star slumming cast, including Philip Seymour Hoffman as Hoggish Greedly, Lee Pace as Sly Sludge, and Andy Serkis as Suchi the monkey.
At long last, the videogame about a flying ostrich gets the big-budget ultraviolent adaptation absolutely no one ever asked for. Loosely based on the legend of King Arthur and other stories in the public domain, Joust stars Michael Fassbender as Sir Cloudblade, the last of the noble Flyriders. Astride his noble steed Stratospherix (voiced by Keith David), Sir Cloudblade must save the citizens of Featherwall from an attack by Lord Vulturis (Tom Hiddleston) and his army of buzzards. Hey, it can't be worse than Prince of Persia!