Based on the ”enduring contributions to the United States of America” criterion for getting on a stamp alone, you kind of have to include Oprah Winfrey. ”You get a stamp, and you get a stamp, and you get a stamp!”
Just like Oprah, Bono sits pretty high in the ranks of important celebrities/humanitarians. The Bono stamp would be perfect for when you mail out all of those charitable donations (which we totally do already) or for when you send someone those coveted Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark tickets for their birthday!
We’re exceptionally keen on the idea of a Matt Damon stamp, as you could have an entire series (Bald Matt Damon, Regular Matt Damon) and they would be perfect to slap on a fruit basket. (”How do ya like them apples?” you’d ask.)
Whatever your mood, there’s a Lady Gaga stamp for that. Just maybe don’t mail the meat-dress stamp to PETA. Or any of them to your closed-minded uncle.
Robert Pattinson/Daniel Radcliffe
Pattinson’s stamp would be sparkly, natch, and after one taste, you’ll get to have that particular postage for all eternity!
Come on, Harry Potter fans, you’re not going to let us get away with only suggesting a Twilight-inspired stamp, are you? Fight! Fight! Fight!
Charlie Sheen/Ashton Kutcher
It would be fascinating to see how a Charlie Sheen stamp (Caution: may taste like tiger blood) would fare against an Ashton Kutcher stamp. (Remember to use two and a half stamps for larger mailings!)
Steve Jobs/Mark Zuckerberg
There would be a wonderful irony about plastering the faces of stamp-killers like Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg on sheets that sit unused. Hey, you know what’s cooler than one Mark Zuckerberg stamp? A billion Mark Zuckerberg stamps.
Ideally, the Tina Fey stamp would have a picture of the 30 Rock star pointing down towards the address label with a quote bubble that reads, ”I want to go to there!”
Heidi Swedberg, a.k.a. Susan from Seinfeld/Newman from Seinfeld
Too soon? No, we think the time has come to honor the could-have-been-Mrs. Costanza, and what better way than with something you can use to send out your own wedding invitations? Don’t worry, though; no cheap, toxic glue here.
Hello, Jerry. Hello, Newman stamp.
Not only should Betty White be on a stamp, but we’re going to take this one step further and venture to say Betty White should be on all of our currency, too. (You’ve had your moment of glory, Hamilton! Step aside!)
Just like Damon, Harrison Ford could have a two-pack set. Only his would include Han Solo Harrison Ford and Indiana Jones Harrison Ford. Random Hearts Harrison Ford stamp most definitely not included.
How about just making Bruce Springsteen the official stamp of New Jersey already? All mailings in and out of the Garden State would have Springsteen’s face somewhere on them. And don’t even suggest Snooki! Although, at least in that scenario, you could literally send her back from whence she came.
Finally, a face to go with all your hate mail!
Robert De Niro/Al Pacino
Oh, who are we kidding? All we really want is a Jon Hamm stamp. Like his Mad Men character, the stamp would taste like booze and regret, with a hint of ham.
The opportunity to lick Ryan Gosling without getting into trouble with the authorities again? We’ll take a whole book, please! Paying bills never looked so good.