Reality TV Recaps: 11 Can't-Miss Moments from the Week Ending Oct. 22, 2010

Dancing With the Stars performance recap: Title Sequins
Cheryl got it exactly right by letting the Hill Street Blues theme song and their sequin-accented police uniforms take care of the dreaded SHOW YOUR PERSONALITY AT ALL COSTS element of the dance. Somehow Cheryl and Rick Fox managed to make a foxtrot set in a '70s-era locker room work. Nothing was over-the-top — she could have had Rick be more suggestive with his gun or have him ''pat her down'' as if she were under arrest; instead we got a keep-'em-guessin' holster (did I really just write that? yes) and a sensual full-torso-trace. —Annie Barrett

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The Amazing Race recap: Ice Ice Baby
Elsewhere in the Dating world, the Prince of Darkness gleefully noted upon receiving the Detour instructions, ''We could easily bypass this and just kill everybody.'' They briefly opted to visit Tentville, but when they realized that building a tent would actually involve, you know, building a tent, the Prince of Darkness finally decreed that he would his Express Pass. The little Swedish children probably cried when they learned that they wouldn't have a Swedish Tee Pee to sleep in, and the Prince of Darkness probably collected their tears into a water bottle. (The two were very proud of themselves. Getting fifth place off an express pass? I give them two weeks.) —Darren Franich

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The Real Housewives of Atlanta recap: Southern Exposure
The bulk of the episode dealt with Kim's nerves about sliding out of an oversized martini glass so she could stomp side by side and sing along with Auto Tune at her first real concert. She wore a black pouf of a dress, size 3T, and worried that her nipples would plop out. Then she worried that the tulle of her skirt would drift upwards in the wind and she'd be exposed. (Not buying this sudden demure streak, Miss Kimberly. You just peed standing up while wishing you had a wiener while barking at your assistant in hooker heels while your rented yellow Lamborghini sat nearby in park and a limo followed closely behind with your bags of wigs and face wash. I've seen more Bravo-blurred shots of your boobies than I can count.) —Karen Valby

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Jersey Shore recap: Trust No One
We can all have a good laugh about The Situation's inability to take it vs. his varsity-level ability to dish it out. And yet, somewhere in that whirlwind of fifth-grade emotion, we will see a look of genuine fear cross Sitch's impeccably manicured face. In order for The Situation to exist, he needs people to believe that he is real. He's like Tinkerbell, only with prettier eyelashes. Also, Tinkerbell never had any toilet threesomes. —Darren Franich

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Project Runway recap: And Then There Were Three
Sometimes, I just want to grab the girl by the shoulders and say, ''Gretchen dearest, much like the word fetch, harem pants are not going to happen.'' And yet... and yet... that wasn't the worst of what Our Lady of the Slouchy Boho Mumbo Jumbo presented. Those granny panties! Yes, those nappy-like things that, schizophrenically paired with a shiny leather jacket, Nina deemed the most glam of Gretchen's looks. Nina, I'd have to question your taste level and your sanity were it not for your invocation of wholesome breakfast foods (''It feels a little country granola'') and Teutonic comfort footwear (''I wonder where the Birkenstocks are''). Those comments countered the bonkers. A bit. —Missy Schwartz

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Survivor recap: Marty Lives on the Edge
We saw a major poker play in tonight's episode. Marty sitting there with an immunity idol. He thinks the plan is to vote off Jane, but then Brenda starts attacking him at Tribal Council. To use the idol or not to use the idol? That question has bedeviled many a Survivor contestant. (Hi, James!) I thought for sure Marty would use it at that point. But he didn't panic. He stayed seated as Probst asked if anyone wanted to use a hidden idol. Then the votes revealed a 3-3 tie with him and Kelly B. And you and I and everyone else out there thought the exact same thing: Dude, you are sooooooooo screwed. —Dalton Ross

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The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recap: Crazy Train
Kyle, who I can't help but like a little, despite the fact that I think that might make me a bad person, didn't have her sister's back. Sorry, it's just that she has to keep it real, and real involves taking nine pairs of shoes on an Easter weekend trip to Palm Springs. Kyle worried about serving Lisa a baked potato, and considered relieving her tension by going for Kim's jugular. ''I'm telling you right now,'' she said, her eyes lasering onto Kim, ''you may be skinner than me but....'' Lisa kept her from unleashing the fill-in-the-blank insult, and we were all spared a crying scene out by the pool. But Kyle got some thrills later on when a facialist suggested that Kim was her mother. —Karen Valby

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Top Chef Just Desserts recap: Black Cake Moan
As much as I loved hearing Yigit wax adorably about his supportive parents, seeing Zac run through the kitchen was the best. His trot is as wee and dainty as you would've imagined. Counterbalancing all the aww moments was Morgan's display of brute force. You'd think he was rescuing his child from a burning home the way he grabbed those beets. In the process, he elbowed Heather H. in the lip, caused a bump, and she, of course, went on to complain, then complain some more. —Archana Ram

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America's Next Top Model recap: Designing Women
Liz's shot was awesome, and Tyra praised Liz's androgyny — which Liz didn't seem too psyched about. Embrace the gender-bending, Liz. Free yourself of the shackles of a binary, proscriptive gender system and live a little. —Margaret Lyons

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Dancing With the Stars results recap: Hustle and Flo
Florence and what Tom Bergeron called her ''childlike glee'' will never truly leave the ballroom...because she will refuse. As well she should! Mama Brady had fully assimilated into Planet Mirrorballus' unique, otherworldly atmosphere long before her season 11 tenure had even begun. Formerly Caucasian, she is now 100 percent Sparkalien. Her eyes are giant, glassy gems. When she breathes against any surface, glitter appears. This is all as it should be. See you soon, sexy senior. —Annie Barrett

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The Real Housewives of D.C. recap: Reunion, Part 2
The head of the Redskins cheerleaders said Michaele was never a cheerleader for the team. You don't own it. The FBI said Mary's daughter Lolly was never under any investigation. You don't own it. The communications director for the Congressional Black Caucus Dinner said you were escorted out by security. You don't own it. E-mails from Michele Jones at the White House make clear that your invitations to the State Dinner had not cleared. You don't own it. Cat, Lynda and Andy's Bravo buddies all saw Tareq shove Michaele in your zeal to splash wine in Lynda's face at a promotional event. Not only do you not own it Tareq, you claim it was all to protect your wife in her delicate condition. You two have a bad thing cooking, and one imagines that your internal lives are fetid and lonely. Well, good luck. Now get gone. Straight to bed and no more TV for you! —Karen Valby

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