Best Total Miss
The Olympic ring on the far right just had to be a special snowflake.
Best Near Miss
This momentary high five/double thumbs up confusion between Shaun White and a polar bear.
Biggest Ralph Lauren Ad You've Ever Seen
Team USA! Some of the U.S. athletes referred to the festivities as the Opening Sweatermony.
Antonio Pardo, 43, Venezuela’s sole athlete in Sochi, is also its best skipper.
Craziest Footwear Choice
Olympic Stud of the Day/Best Mariachi Suit/Longest Name
Mexican skier Hubertus von Hohenlohe-Langenburg is 55 years old and competing in his sixth Olympics. He’ll be wearing this outfit. He’s also a pop singer and a prince. He’s already won.
Most Distinctive Flagbearer Costume
Don't Hate Them Because They're Beautiful Even in Orange
Coolest Fashion Hats
Fiercest Claudia Schiffer in Love, Actually lookalike
Alpine skier Tina Weirather
Best Second Wind
Oh, now you wanna dance, now that Russia is about to come out.
Most Compelling Reminder to Play CandyLand
Actual Russian architecture
Best Guess at When She Broke her Arm
Our 11-year-old tour guide, Liza Temnikova, was injured as some point rehearsing for the ceremony. This scene?
Best Moment in the War and Peace Ballet
It was the most dramatic wave we’ll ever see.
Most Revolutionary Mode of Transportation
This pizza bagel pogo ball seemed fun. (Runner-up: scurrying teapot.)
The avant-garde Russian Revolution segment set to ”Time, Forward!” (Runner-up: Whatever music was played during the Olympic sport constellation star show.)
Hipster dance party
Our Favorite Animal
The ”Dove of Peace” performed to Swan Lake, which is apparently teeming with jellyfish.
Saddest That NBC Didn't Include Them in Broadcast
Yulia Volkova and Lena Katina of t.A.T.u.
Happiest That Miley Cyrus Wasn't Around
The animal kingdom
Best Reason to Stay in Shape
Former pairs figure skater Irina Rodnina and hockey star Vladislav Tretiak, who’ve each won three Olympic gold medals, had a long way to jog to light the cauldron after inheriting the torch from medal-winning rhythmic gymnast Alina Kabayeva (who’s allegedly romancing Russian President Vladimir Putin).