Most Low-Hanging-Fruit Jokes
Twilight! Hunger Games! Michael Fassbender’s penis! Charlie Sheen does cocaine! I had a short-lived marriage — but not as short as Kim Kardashian’s! Russell Brand barely tried with his opening monologue. And we barely laughed.
Best Display of Chivalry
When someone in the audience shouted at Mila Kunis while she was on stage to present the Best On-Screen Dirtbag with Mark Wahlberg, Wahlberg quickly jumped to her defense with a few bleeped obscenities directed at the unknown heckler. ”And here I thought I was going to have to slap Russell,” he added.
The Reese Witherspoon Award for Most Unexpected F-Bomb
Last year, Reese Witherspoon shocked us with her unladylike description of sleeping with Robert Pattinson. This year, Emma Stone dropped a quick ”motherf——” on stage. Yet it was Andrew Garfield who blushed.
Most Kristen Stewart-iest Hair on Someone Not Named Kristen Stewart
Seriously, Shailene Woodley must have run out of shampoo and lost her brush right before she had to leave for the show.
Most Likely to Fuel the Hunger Games vs. Twilight Feud
Kristen Stewart and Chris Hemsworth presented the award for Best Female Performance (something Stewart herself has won) to Jennifer Lawrence. But it was Stewart’s shout out that may rile fans. ”She couldn’t be here, which is such a bummer what? Sorry, yeah,” Stewart said.
Most Improved Stage Presence
After her cringeworthy dig at Jennifer Lawrence, Stewart actually delivered when she picked up the award for Best Kiss. Sans her on-screen and off-screen paramour to make out with, Stewart called upon several other costars — from Chris Hemsworth to Taylor Lautner and Charlize Theron — to do the job. Unfortunately, they all declined, leaving the Twilight actress to her own devices.
Coolest Guest Guitarist
Johnny Depp played guitar with The Black Keys. Yes, this really happened.
The We Wish Andy Samberg Had Done a Digital Short Award
Joel McHale, Jennifer Lawrence, and J.J. Abrams starred in a skit about ”Lester Boonshaft,” Hollywood’s pre-eminent archery coach that mostly fell short. But, Lawrence did say ”tits.” So there’s that.
The Darth Vader Award for Best Deep Breathing
Whoever did the sound effects for Charlize Theron and Michael Fassbender’s entrance.
Harry's Last Hurrah
Eight movies and many Golden Popcorn statues later, the Harry Potter series received its final honors at the MTV Movie Awards — Best Cast and Best Hero.
Most Likely to Be Sleeping on the Couch Tonight
The big prize for Elizabeth Banks was not her win for Best On-Screen Transformation. Nope. It was dirty dancing with presenters Channing Tatum and Matthew McConaughey, and stroking Joe Manganiello’s ”golden popcorn” that made the night for Banks. At least she acknowledged her husband’s existence before Manganiello picked her up and carried her away.
Best Emma Stone Looks Like Lindsay Lohan Joke
”I’ve never really been a fan of her acting. Except in The Parent Trap. She was pure potential at that point. But that was when she peaked.” —Jim Carrey
Oddest Sorta Kinda Acceptance Speech
MTV honored Emma Stone with the first-ever Trailblazer award. And how did Stone respond? By telling us that she’s doesn’t want to be a trailblazer. ”I looked up the actual definition of trailblazer. It means someone who blazes a trail to be followed by others. And that’s an honor to hear that you’re being associated with a concept like that. But the only thing I can hope that something like this award inspires is originality. Because the trailblazers I’ve looked up to and been inspired by are Gilda Radner, and Bill Murray, and John Candy and Charlie Chaplin and the Beatles and J.D. Salinger. And Lorne Michaels, who reminds me of the importance of comedy. And Cameron Crowe, whose work consistently reminds me of why I want to be an actor. And those people are my creative trailblazers but I’m not following any of their paths.”
Tearjerker of the Night
When tough guy Christian Bale breaks down, we all shed a few tears. ”Man, great to remember Heath in that moment. Wonderful to see Heath Ledger there,” Bale said, after watching a montage from the previous Batman films. He then took time to regain his composure before introducing Christoper Nolan.
Best Unexpected Reunion
What was more surprising than The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Part I beating The Hunger Games for Best Movie? Kristen Stewart’s Panic Room costar Jodie Foster showing up to give the award.
Most Likely to Confuse Teen Mom With Teen Wolf
The first time Russell Brand said that Teen Mom was on next, we thought it was just part of his schtick. But when he closed the Movie Awards with an off-color jab about the series ”starting late,” he clearly didn’t know that it was actually Teen Wolf that followed. Or maybe he just didn’t care.