Movie/TV Colleges: We Grade 'em!

Claim to Fame: Pitch Perfect
Major Perks: Spontaneous a cappella battles in the quad; great campus radio station; tons of cute, musically inclined boys; supportive girlfriends (eventually!)
Minor Flaws: Simple mistakes (like getting sick on stage in competition) will continually resurface; strict dating rules between singing groups
Final Grade: A (for Aca-amazing!)
—Erin Strecker

Claim to Fame: Undeclared
Major Perks: All-you-can-eat cafeteria food, thanks to Steven and Marshall's side-gig; a future Son of Anarchy masquerading as a British Chad Michael Murray; Amy Poehler as your RA (even though she might date your dad); a very droll, very young, very Canadian Seth Rogen.
Minor Flaws: That aforementioned dad (while played by the awesome Loudon Wainwright III) is always around; Will Ferrell will sell you some seriously suspect term papers; Jason Segel is the world's creepiest ex-boyfriend (''How was sexual intercourse with my girlfriend, Steven?''); a gnawing longing for the glory days of Freaks and Geeks?er, high school.
Final Grade: A
—Katie Atkinson

Claim to Fame: Monsters University
Major Perks: Top-notch Scaring Studies program; progressive sustainable energy policy; thriving Greek life; incredibly diverse student body; home to lasting friendships; everybody loves a good prank against Fear Tech
Minor Flaws: Strict social pecking order; terrifying Dean (even for students studying to be professional Scarers); all non-Scaring majors are pretty dull
Final Grade: A-
—Lanford Beard

Claim to Fame: A Different World
Major Perks: Open discussion of social issues (date rape, race relations, domestic violence); likelihood of true love connections, even between princesses and dweebs
Minor Flaws: Poor retention rate (what happened to Marisa Tomei and Lisa Bonet?); RA often makes lame jokes
Final Grade: A-
—Abby West

Claim to Fame: PCU
Major Perks: Lots of diversity; quaint New England atmosphere; lax graduation deadlines for late bloomers; occasional George Clinton concerts
Minor Flaws: Touchy-feely campus groups; freaky secret societies; a conniving president (Jessica Walter)
Final Grade: B+
—Adam Markovitz

Claim to Fame: Beverly Hills, 90210
Major Perks: All your friends — even the really smart ones who should be at Ivy League schools, Andrea — are there; TV station(!) and newspaper boast an unlimited budget
Minor Flaws: Professors are not above seducing students — and failing them if those students don't submit (just ask Valerie)
Final Grade: B+
—Kristen Baldwin

Claim to Fame: Saved by the Bell: The College Years
Major Perks: An ex-NFL player as your RA; A.C. Slater as your busboy at the Falcon Nest; hilariously large coed common rooms; plenty of time over Spring Break to elope with your high school sweetheart; plus you're standing at the edge of tomorrow...today!
Minor Flaws: Dorms don't have Jacuzzis like Zack's room back home; the future mom from Two and a Half Men as an overbearing Dean of Students; Lisa and Jessie apparently couldn't get in (a general lack of diversity, in fact); did we mention teachers have no qualms hooking up with students?
Final Grade: B
—Katie Atkinson

Claim to Fame: Drumline
Major Perks: Historically black college offering full scholarships for musical talent; nationally ranked marching band and drumline; hot cheerleader marching band groupies; strong sense of school spirit
Minor Flaws: Allegations of hazing within marching band, especially the drumline; lacks emphasis on academic pursuits; alumni include Nick Cannon
Final Grade: B-
—Maricela Gonzalez

Claim to Fame: Boy Meets World
Major Perks: Small, close-knit student body; tiny student-teacher ratio; firm but fair administrators; hip, cozy student union; prime Philadelphia location; Feeny
Minor Flaws: Loose admission standards (seriously, how did Shawn get in?); limited facilities (all classes take place in the same lecture hall); predatory professors; is not Yale; crappy married student dorms; coed bathrooms; TV series killer
Final Grade: B-
—Hillary Busis

Claim to Fame: The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
Major Perks: Affluent, diverse student body great for networking; Tyra Banks attends; talent show dress code in favor of crop tops and fringe; you can get anything you want at the Peacock Stop
Minor Flaws: Selling used cars might seem more appealing than going here after a while; rough fraternity hazing process; your family members might be entirely different people when you return home for Thanksgiving break; it'll never be Princeton
Final Grade: C+
—Lanford Beard

Claim to Fame: Animal House
Major Perks: Active Greek life; well-funded toga parties; sweet deals on nondescript sweatshirts; top-notch American cinema classes; strong improv troupes; school spirit; frequent food fights (anything goes!)
Minor Flaws: Campus has no PETA chapter; lax academic standards; In general, not a lot of activities for women; frequent food fights (unsanitary lunchroom conditions)
Final Grade: C
—Sarah Caldwell

Claim to Fame: Community
Major Perks: One?on-one attention from the Dean; wide selection of class options; one good study room; top Air Conditioning Repair School; world class paintball teams; strong documentary film program; excellent morning programming; delicious lunch sandwiches
Minor Flaws: Weak background checks for teachers; questionable admission standards; school flag is literally a butt; terrible glee club; trampoline of bliss out of commission; grades primarily based on diorama-making abilities; prone to takeovers by dictatorships; South Park was student president at one point
Final Grade: C
—Sarah Caldwell

Claim to Fame: Revenge of the Nerds
Major Perks: Panhellenic Games include beer-soaked Big Wheel races, foster scientific innovation and features spectacular talent shows; attracts leaders of tomorrow, including child prodigies; potential for dating up (especially in bouncy houses)
Minor Flaws: Frequent instances of vandalism and bullying, even among administration; panty raids commonplace; dating up possible — but strongly discouraged; you will be classmates with someone named Ogre
Final Grade: C-
—Lanford Beard

Claim to Fame: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Major Perks: Flexible roommate relocation policy; seriously wild frat parties (like, orgy-wild); plenty of hot guys to take to said frat parties
Minor Flaws: Located on a Hellmouth, thus demons, vampires, and the like run rampant; seriously scary frat parties (like, lizard king-/fear demon-scary); hot guys most likely involved in secret, subterranean military experiments (or just one-night stand jerks); The Grotto is not The Bronze; school under massive, indefinite reconstruction
Final Grade: D+
—Lanford Beard

Claim to Fame: Sorority Boys
Major Perks: Excellent retention rate (maybe too good, Doofer); playful Panhellenic names; open-minded student body regarding gender and sexuality issues
Minor Flaws: Lackluster student judicial process; unwelcoming to feminists and aesthetically challenged students; no apparent adult oversight of fraternity and sorority life; founders couldn't be bothered to give it a proper name
Final Grade: D-
—Lanford Beard

Claim to Fame: The Roommate
Major Perks: Unusually friendly students; prime Los Angeles location close to museums, running trails, and nightclubs with unenforced ID-checking policies; art department taught by ace Professor Billy Zane; active Greek life
Minor Flaws: Zero tolerance stalking policy clearly not enforced; safety of pets not guaranteed; ineffective health services and campus police departments; predatory faculty members; surprisingly dim lighting; Facebook banned in favor of Frienderz.com; active Greek life
Final Grade: F
—Hillary Busis