Brett Loewenstern: ''The Fool on the Hill''
The self-proclaimed oddball with his head in a cloud of curls could undoubtedly pull off a song about a wise soul who knows better. He never listens to those high school bullies. He knows that they’re the fools. They don’t like him….
NOTE: Fox’s promos for Wednesday’s Las Vegas round indicate that the contestants will perform in pairs or groups — but here are some sacred Beatles tunes I would have picked for 20 of the remaining hopefuls to (hopefully not) massacre.
Lauren Alaina: ''Ticket to Ride''
She’s got one, issued by Nigel Lythgoe himself. My baby don’t care if you think he’s playing favorites.
Scotty McCreery: ''Help''
He needs it. And he can always just improvise the lyrics when he suddenly ”forgets” them. When I was younger, not much younger than today / I never needed to learn more than one song, no, no way….
Casey Abrams: ''Blackbird''/''Piggies''
I’m sure one of the 700 instruments he plays could make some pretty sweet animal sounds, and if there’s one thing American Idol loves, it’s social satire!
Jacob Lusk: ''I Am the Walrus''
If any contestant can do justice to one of the Beatles’ most bizarre tunes (and my No. 1 go-to karaoke choice), it’s Lusk, who enjoys mangling words and switching voices entirely. Only a loon could pull this off. Ho ho ho, hee hee hee HA HA HA!
Ashley Sullivan: ''Maxwell's Silver Hammer''
I’m not saying ”emotional time bomb Ashley Sullivan” is a serial killer; I’m just saying this would be fun. Doo-doo, doo-doo-doo….
Robbie Rosen: ''Because''
The 16-year-old originally auditioned with ”Yesterday,” so he shouldn’t be afraid to take on the eerie, vocal-heavy ”Because” with some backup singers and his trusty piano.
Molly DeWolf Swenson: ''Taxman''
I’d like to hear a nice ‘n’ throaty political ditty from the girl who’s working for no one but Obama.
John Wayne Schulz: ''I Want to Hold Your Hand''
Putting a country spin on the Beatles’ best-selling single would be easy enough; plus, all the women in the theater would pass out from a wish fulfillment overdose. What could be better?
James Durbin: ''Fixing a Hole''
There’s a hole in James’ bucket, and if he patches it up, he can afford to provide water and diapers for his son. The Lambert-esque wailer would have a ball improvising on the ”Hey, hey! Heyyyyy” portion of the Sgt. Pepper’s classic. Careful, though, James. In Idol, it really does matter — when you’re wrong, you’re sometimes just wrong.
Ashton Jones: ''She Came In Through the Bathroom Window''
Since we didn’t see Ashton (who may or may not have worked at 15 clubs a day) in the audition episodes, it’s like she just suddenly showed up (in our…bathrooms?). Wednesday’s on the phone to Thursday, whispering ”She’s in.” Oh, yeah.
Clint Jun Gamboa: ''Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds''
The boy with kaleidoscope eyes would power through this trippy dreamscape with way too much gusto. It’d be a total disaster, but great TV. What do we care? He’s the season 10 bully!
Jacee Badeaux: ''Mean Mr. Mustard''
The 15-year-old cherub could nudge the key up a few notches — and sing directly to Clint Jun Gamboa, of course.
Carson Higgins: ''Revolution No. 9''
Can you imagine? This guy is so wacky!!!
Haley Reinhart: ''I Want You (She's So Heavy)''
Watching her attempt to hit the low notes might be so bad, it’d drive us mad — but she asked for it with her exceedingly guttural performance of ”God Bless the Child” during Hollywood Week’s solo day.
Hollie Cavanaugh: ''Penny Lane''
The British-born teen probably misses fish and finger pies, men in macs, and the Queen, so this would be a good chance for her to reclaim her heritage. Yep, I’m reaching here!
Thia Megia: ''Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band''
She already dresses like their long-lost, possibly homeless member.
Naima Adedapo: ''A Hard Day's Night''
According to Fox’s promo, Casey Abrams and Chris Medina sing this Wednesday night, but the hard-labor theme would not be lost on the modelesque Nigerian who works long hours doing grounds cleanup.
Chris Medina: ''Here, There and Everywhere''
”While My Guitar Gently Weeps” and ”Julia” are too obvious, while ”Cry Baby Cry” is too directive to viewers. Best to go with ”Here, There and Everywhere,” a sweet love song with the potential to seriously wreck all of us forever, should we happen to pay attention to how the lyrics take on new meaning for a man who acts as caregiver to his brain-damaged fiancée, Juliana. Read ’em and weep. (I know, I know, I’m as bad as the producers.)
Paul McDonald: ''Nowhere Man''
Self-explanatory. More screen time for this
dreamboat dreamy yellow submarine, please.