History...If the CW Shot It

For soulful young political activist Max Robespierre (Logan Lerman), the French Revolution was the best of times and the worst of times? and all because of a girl. While terror reigns on the streets of Paris, and the guillotine’s razor beckons anyone who runs afoul of the ruling factions, Max falls in love with the beautiful and mysterious Josephine (Lucy Hale). But he’s shocked to learn her secret: Josephine is Marie Antoinette, the supposedly deceased Queen of France. They’ve lost their hearts — but will they lose their heads?

Two of the greatest American icons of female empowerment finally get their own TV show, in a series that dares to ask the question: Doesn’t every woman deserve the right to man-candy? Kristen Bell is Liz Stanton and Nina Dobrev is Susie Anthony, while Anson Mount plays the dissolute soldier-turned-mercenary Ulysses Grant, in this dramedy about the suffering behind the suffrage.

Sure, Joan of Arc was a fascinating and controversial woman, a brave soldier who altered the scope of European history. But Joan was also a teenager. And for a teenager, the only thing harder than first love? is two first loves. Torn between dashing French prince Charles (Torrance Coombs) and the nerdy English monarch Henry VI (Toby Regbo), can Joan (Katie McGrath) save her country and her heart?

You think it’s hard being a single lady now? Try finding a husband in a town where a gal can get accused of witchcraft just for smiling at the wrong man. Katie Cassidy tries one more time in this sudsy soap opera as Sarah Osgood, the dreamy unmarried daughter of town elder Randolph (a bearded Grant Show).

Before he was Ghenghis Khan, he was Temujin, just another Mongolian warrior with pecs the size of his head. Jason Momoa plays the young Khan in this origin story, while Camilla Belle plays love interest Lilandra, the extremely fictional warrior woman with an axe to grind? literally.

Have you ever wondered what life was like for the heir presumptive to the Austro-Hungarian throne before he was assassinated in Sarajevo? No? Go to hell! In this prequel to World War I, Gaspard Ulliel plays young Nando as he goes to crazy parties across Old Europe with fellow royals. It’s Gossip Girl on the Danube, and all bets are off!

Did you ever realize that Cleopatra spent her youth solving crimes in Alexandria using archery? No? Then this exciting action-dramedy is for you! Phoebe Tonkin plays young Cleo during what historians generally agree is the absolute least essential time of her life, doing things that never happened in such a manner that arguably constitutes a complete existential offense against the actual historical figures involved. But will Cleo ever find a boyfriend?

At long last, the perverse saga of the psychopathic Roman Emperor Caligula gets the sanitized retelling it so desperately deserves. Twilight meathunk Kellan Lutz plays Cal, a young aristocrat with big dreams and bigger biceps, who’s sent to live in Rome after his father’s death. Alongside hard-partying sis Drusilla (Taylor Momsen), Cal tries to survive the political machinations at court? and tries to woo his true love, the anachronistically athletic Juna (Analeigh Tipton).

The mythic city of El Dorado was real all along. That’s the hazy argument put forward by this long-awaited reboot of Aguirre, the Wrath of God. Richard Madden is Leo Aguirre, the brave Spaniard on the road to El Dorado who bears no resemblance whatsoever to the real-life historical figure but who is hot. J.D. Pardo plays his frenemy Pedro, and Shay Mitchell plays the mysterious love interest, or maybe she’s Pocahontas. Maybe you’re Pocahontas. Who can say? History isn’t really an exact science, y’know.