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  3. 'Glee': 30 Quippy Sue Sylvester Gems

'Glee': 30 Quippy Sue Sylvester Gems

As McKinley High's ego-tripping Cheerios coach, Jane Lynch gets to deliver some of TV's best one-liners -- recall her best so far as we anticipate what's ahead in season 2!
By EW Staff
Updated December 02, 2009 at 09:00 PM EST
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Bryan (Neil Patrick Harris, pictured): You ever heard of the term 'anger sex'?
Sue: The only kind I know.

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''I'm gonna make it a habit to not stop and talk to students because this has been a colossal waste of my time.''

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''So you like show tunes. It doesn't mean you're gay. It just means you're awful.''

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''I might buy a small diaper for your chin, because it looks like a baby's ass.''

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''What's that smell? It's coffee. It's usually masked by the smell of fear.''

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''I will no longer be carrying around photo ID. Know why? People should know who I am.''

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''How do you two not have a show on Bravo?''

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''You don't deserve the power of Madonna.... Simply put, you have all the sexuality of all those pandas down at the zoo who refuse to mate.''

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''I thought I smelled cookies wafting from the ovens of the little elves that live in your hair.''

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''You think this is hard? I'm passing a gallstone as we speak. That is hard!''

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Credit: Fox

''I'm going to ask you to smell your armpits. That's the smell of failure, and it's stinking up my office.''

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''That was the most offensive thing I've seen in 20 years of teaching — and that includes an elementary school production of Hair.''

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Sue: ''Iron tablet? It keeps your strength up when you menstruate.''
Will: ''I don't menstruate.''
Sue: ''Neither do I.''

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''I'm about to projectile express myself all over your Hush Puppies.''

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''You think this was hard? Try auditioning for Baywatch and being told they're going in another direction. That was hard.''

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''I'm all about empowerment. I empower my Cheerios to live in a state of constant fear by creating an environment of irrational, random terror.''

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''You're dealing with children. They need to be terrified. It's like mother's milk to them.''

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Will: ''I will destroy you.''
Sue: ''I am about to vomit down your back.'' — Sue and Will, whispering into each other's ear while forced to hug by Principal Figgins

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''I always thought the desire to procreate showed deep personal weakness.''

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''I don't trust a man with curly hair. I can't help picturing small birds laying sulfurous eggs in there, and I find it disgusting.''

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''I can't stand the sight of kids getting emotional, unless it's from physical exhaustion.''

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''I am going to create an environment so toxic no one will want to be part of that club. Like the time I sold my house to a nice young couple and salted the earth in the backyard so that nothing could grow there for 100 years. Know why I did that? Because they tried to get me to pay their closing costs.''

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''I like minorities so much, I'm thinking of moving to California to become one.''

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''Look at me. Even in the heat of battle, I'm so elegant, regal. I am Ajax, mighty Greek warrior.''

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''I, for one, think intimacy has no place in a marriage. Walked in on my parents once, and it was like seeing two walruses wrestling.''

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''You sunk my battleship, Rod. And you sunk it hard.''

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''...I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat. And then on some dark, cold night, I will steal away into your house...and punch you in the face.''

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''Me, I never wanted kids — don't have the time, don't have the uterus.''

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''[Wheelchair ramps] are what I call lazy-makers. They discourage able-bodied students from getting proper exercise by using the stairs.''

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''If I have a pregnant girl doing a handspring into a double layout, the judges aren't going to be admiring her impeccable form, they're going to be wondering if the centrifugal force is going to make the baby's head start crowning.''

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