'Glee': 30 Quippy Sue Sylvester Gems
1
Bryan (Neil Patrick Harris, pictured): You ever heard of the term 'anger sex'?
Sue: The only kind I know.
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2
''I'm gonna make it a habit to not stop and talk to students because this has been a colossal waste of my time.''
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3
''So you like show tunes. It doesn't mean you're gay. It just means you're awful.''
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4
''I might buy a small diaper for your chin, because it looks like a baby's ass.''
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5
''What's that smell? It's coffee. It's usually masked by the smell of fear.''
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6
''I will no longer be carrying around photo ID. Know why? People should know who I am.''
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7
''How do you two not have a show on Bravo?''
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8
''You don't deserve the power of Madonna.... Simply put, you have all the sexuality of all those pandas down at the zoo who refuse to mate.''
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9
''I thought I smelled cookies wafting from the ovens of the little elves that live in your hair.''
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10
''You think this is hard? I'm passing a gallstone as we speak. That is hard!''
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11
''I'm going to ask you to smell your armpits. That's the smell of failure, and it's stinking up my office.''
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12
''That was the most offensive thing I've seen in 20 years of teaching — and that includes an elementary school production of Hair.''
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13
Sue: ''Iron tablet? It keeps your strength up when you menstruate.''
Will: ''I don't menstruate.''
Sue: ''Neither do I.''
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14
''I'm about to projectile express myself all over your Hush Puppies.''
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15
''You think this was hard? Try auditioning for Baywatch and being told they're going in another direction. That was hard.''
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16
''I'm all about empowerment. I empower my Cheerios to live in a state of constant fear by creating an environment of irrational, random terror.''
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17
''You're dealing with children. They need to be terrified. It's like mother's milk to them.''
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18
Will: ''I will destroy you.''
Sue: ''I am about to vomit down your back.'' — Sue and Will, whispering into each other's ear while forced to hug by Principal Figgins
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19
''I always thought the desire to procreate showed deep personal weakness.''
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20
''I don't trust a man with curly hair. I can't help picturing small birds laying sulfurous eggs in there, and I find it disgusting.''
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21
''I can't stand the sight of kids getting emotional, unless it's from physical exhaustion.''
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22
''I am going to create an environment so toxic no one will want to be part of that club. Like the time I sold my house to a nice young couple and salted the earth in the backyard so that nothing could grow there for 100 years. Know why I did that? Because they tried to get me to pay their closing costs.''
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23
''I like minorities so much, I'm thinking of moving to California to become one.''
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24
''Look at me. Even in the heat of battle, I'm so elegant, regal. I am Ajax, mighty Greek warrior.''
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25
''I, for one, think intimacy has no place in a marriage. Walked in on my parents once, and it was like seeing two walruses wrestling.''
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26
''You sunk my battleship, Rod. And you sunk it hard.''
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27
''...I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat. And then on some dark, cold night, I will steal away into your house...and punch you in the face.''
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''Me, I never wanted kids — don't have the time, don't have the uterus.''
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29
''[Wheelchair ramps] are what I call lazy-makers. They discourage able-bodied students from getting proper exercise by using the stairs.''
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30
''If I have a pregnant girl doing a handspring into a double layout, the judges aren't going to be admiring her impeccable form, they're going to be wondering if the centrifugal force is going to make the baby's head start crowning.''