Fall TV Report Card: We Grade the Ads

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Once Upon a Time

ABC

''Is the town on a cloud?'' one confused network insider asked. You shouldn't need to be a Once fan to understand the show's poster (for the record, that purple stuff is a magic spell). Gotta love Jennifer Morrison accessorizing jeans with a sword, though.
Grade: B

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Beauty and the Beast

My god, he's hideous! How can she stand him? The ad is attractive, but deeply generic. It's all perfectly fine, even if Beast has nothing wrong with him that some colored contacts and a little Bio Oil can't fix. C+

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Elementary

CBS

Handsome. The purple socks are a playful touch. The tagline is perfect, perhaps the best of the year: ''New Holmes. New Watson. New York.'' B+

Continued on next slide.

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The Mindy Project

Fox

Happy and modern. Nice use of self-improvement mission statements. Mindy Kaling looks beautiful. Um...can I say this? When your show's star isn't a dress size 0, it's an interesting decision to completely vanish her torso. B-

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Arrow

Nobody's hiding this torso! Here's a brooding and scarred Stephen Amell and his six-pack. This is a hilariously effective ad that's shamelessly pandering and takes itself so very seriously. You can imagine the conversation between two mallrats walking by this poster: ''He's, like, what, a superhero or something?'' ''Who cares, I'll watch.'' A-

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Go On

NBC

A smart, warm ad. Matthew Perry looks nicely awkward, and a group hug is a clever way to communicate group therapy. The other cast members closing their eyes keeps your focus on Perry. ''Feel the love'' fits. B+

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Chicago Fire

NBC

''Looks like a Chippendales ad,'' snarked one network insider. I like how the team is smudged with soot, as if they just left a burning house, yet their hair is perfectly styled and few of them apparently fought a fire wearing only their sexy tank tops. (If they had worn protective overcoats, their chests and arms wouldn't be so dirty...right? Am I over-thinking Chicago Fire? Somebody's got to!) C

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Last Resort

ABC

Like the show. Dislike the ad. It's a submarine drama without a submarine (maybe it's under the water?). A show with two great stars — Andre Braugher and Scott Speedman — and you don't see either of them (at least, not clearly). Feels too much like a direct-to-DVD military movie. C

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The Neighbors

ABC

Dislike the show. Like the ad. Clever dashes of alien green against a stark backdrop. This tells you exactly what this comedy is about (even if nobody reads newspapers in bed anymore). Shouldn't ''down to earth'' be hyphenated in that usage? Who cares. It's a show about suburban aliens, for god's sake. B

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The Walking Dead

AMC

The first two seasons had gorgeous key art. This is still cool, just feels a bit static. B-

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Dexter

Showtime

''It's all on the table'' is a fitting tagline, so why throw in a second (dumb) one like ''He Saw. She Saw.''? The bloody cut is bad Photoshop. This is a game-changing season for Dexter. It deserves a game-changing ad instead of one that looks like a retread. C

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Revolution

NBC

What the hell are they looking at? Each actor is staring intently in a different direction. I mean, I get it — they're warily strolling through a post-Apocalyptic landscape that's filled with peril. It's just odd. You get the feeling each was cut from another photo and plopped into this background. Yet when you see this ad from a distance on a billboard, it registers as an exciting and colorful adventure poster — you don't feel the awkwardness. And can we really slam this ad after the show delivered the biggest drama series premiere rating in three years? B-

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Made in Jersey

CBS

Jersey Turnpike Barbie! Perhaps the simplest ad here. Attractive. Doesn't tell you a lot about the show but there's not a whole lot to tell — she's a lawyer from New Jersey...annnnd that's it. B-

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Homeland

Showtime

The portraits pop nicely. I like the colors. But if you didn't know anything about Homeland, you would think it's a Washington-insider political series instead of an intense roller coaster ride. And ''It hits home'' is lazy. Try saying this to yourself in a deep movie-trailer voice: ''Homeland: It hits home!'' See? B-

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Emily Owens M.D.

Oh no! Mamie Gummer has butterfly-shaped cancer tumors! ... Sorry. This is cute idea, though I'm probably not the only person who has a slightly negative reaction (so to speak) to X-rays. Gummer's expression is supposedly anxious, but looks pinched. B-

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Boardwalk Empire

HBO

Did I say Made in Jersey has the most straightforward ad? This is so simple but...man, the photographer treats Steve Buscemi's face like it's a dangerous alien landscape. Conveys power and darkness. A-

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Partners

CBS

We're some big city friends hanging out in the back of a cab and having a great time — want to join us? That's the playful message here and, if you think about it, it also captures most successful sitcoms — We're having fun, come watch. The tagline ''Four Friends. Three Couples'' is a fun tease. B+

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The Mob Doctor

FOX

Ugh, Jordana Spiro is putting those bloody gory gloves right next to her face. I liked this ad a bit better after I got it — she literally has blood on her hands. Provokes a reaction, but that reaction is ick. Hang in there, I'm saving the two best ads for last this year... C+

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Vegas

CBS

Dennis Quaid is the cowboy in the white hat with a rifle. Michael Chiklis is the mobster in the black hat with a wad of cash. Oh, I'm still so confused, CBS, which is the good guy and which is the bad guy? Can't one kick a dog so I'll know? B-

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Animal Practice

NBC

Yup, another NBC multi-directional-gazing-group ad! This has some playful energy, though. The ad clearly showcases the undisputed star of the series, riding the gurney, while also allowing space for those human co-stars. B

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666 Park Ave.

ABC

When we first posted this curiously sexy key art, I noted this triple sixes-inspired hellish descent stairwell vaguely suggested, um, something else...let's just say if Georgia O'Keeffe and H.R. Giger got married and built a house, their staircase might look like this.... Are those references too obscure? Fine. I'll just say it: Evil Vagina Stairs. Happy? B+

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Revenge

ABC

Loved this art — last year. Emily VanCamp is once again a wicked chess piece, only this time with different colors. Still groovy, but I gotta dock the grade for recycling the idea. ''Her next move'' works. B

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Glee

FOX

Another loser-hand ad for Fox's Glee. At least this time, the musical drama is showing what's new: Hey, it's Kate Hudson, looking all devilish. And a stunned Lea Michele with her Lady Liberty crown. B-

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Nashville

ABC

I'm all over the place on this. Connie Britton is the queen of country music on The Chrome Throne (perhaps a better tagline would be: ''Country Is Coming''). Hayden Panettiere is the sultry usurper at her feet. The metallic colors were off-putting at first, but they also help Britton and Panettiere pop. Britton is almost stroking Panettiere's legs with her heel and toes — or is she stepping on her to keep her down? It's an ad that gets weirder and sexier the more you look at it. A-

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Fringe

FOX

Whew! What a relief. Last year, readers ripped us for the bad grade for Fringe (that poster was stale, it just was). This season's rebel graffiti poster is a fresh departure and sets up the final conflict. ''Fight For the Future'' takes a cue from The X Files movie title ''Fight the Future.'' B

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The X Factor

FOX

After last year's monstrous Simon-zilla ad, Cowell wisely takes a step back and lets his new girls have center stage. Britney Spears looks like a Britney Spears impersonator. Simon needs a few gold medallions if he's going to have his shirt that far open. Looks more negotiated than photographed. B-

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The Voice

NBC

What's the big difference between these two singing competition posters? X Factor takes itself seriously. The Voice looks like its judges are having fun. Plus, that tagline confidently smacks the competition. B+

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It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Funny, weird and a little creepy — just like the show. B+

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New Girl

FOX

Instead of simply looking pretty or staring off into space, everybody in this ad is interesting — and looks pretty. Spoiler alert: Zooey Deschanel becomes a zombie in season two. A-

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The New Normal

NBC

Déjà vu! Another Tuesday sitcom bathroom mirror ad. Something in the water this year? Cute, but lacks New Girl's charm. B

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Guys With Kids

NBC

When grading these, you have to put aside your feelings about a show. I say this because I run screaming from Guys With Kids. The ad, however, is slick and colorful and knows its audience. Reminds me of The Hangover, which is probably intentional. B-

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Sons of Anarchy

Everybody in the gang is now looking to Jax — literally. You could nitpick that having all the actors so far away weakens the impact, but after four seasons we know what these guys look like. B-

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Ben and Kate

FOX

This ad dares you to find something interesting about it...and hey, you're now on the cusp of the grand final two ads! C+

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American Horror Story: Asylum

Fantastic. You got a creepy nun. A crazy inmate. Some unlikely physics. You have a conflicting sense of motion (one figure going up, the other going down), that keeps your eyes glued to the image. And the tagline? This ad doesn't need a tagline and knows it. Yet as awesome as this ad is, it's not FX's official key art. A

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American Horror Story: Asylum

The main art. The crying nun is more striking and you can see why FX choose it — you're flipping through a magazine, this is going to jump off the page and freak you out. Yet the stairs ad makes me more intrigued to give this show another shot. This shocks, but does it make you want to watch? A-

Thanks for reading. See the fall 2011 ads graded slideshow (featuring The Playboy Club, Terra Nova, Charlie's Angels, and more), or go back to the start of this gallery and start leave your own critiques under the ads.

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Fall TV Report Card: We Grade the Ads

1 of 35

Once Upon a Time

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Beauty and the Beast

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Elementary

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The Mindy Project

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Arrow

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Go On

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Chicago Fire

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Last Resort

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The Neighbors

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The Walking Dead

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Dexter

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Revolution

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Made in Jersey

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Homeland

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Emily Owens M.D.

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Boardwalk Empire

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Partners

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The Mob Doctor

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Vegas

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Animal Practice

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666 Park Ave.

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Revenge

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Glee

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Nashville

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Fringe

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The X Factor

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