Fall TV Report Card: We Grade the Ads

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Ringer

When EW.com first posted this art, I told The CW: ”You do realize every other comment is going to be ‘Side boob!’ right?” Sure enough, readers did not disappoint. The reflected images effectively suggest SMG’s twin sister conflict. Grade: B+

Next: A sexy Chuck…

Ringer: See clips and get the inside scoop

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Chuck

Nerd begone! This Chuck poster plays things straight, embracing the sort of action-movie cliché that the show (and its posters) have always subverted. Beyond that, it sins by omitting any reference to the show’s biggest new hook: This is the final season. Grade: C+

Next: Two and a Half Men get naked.

Chuck: See clips and get the inside scoop

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Two and a Half Men

What’s really unusual here: No title. After all, it’s not needed. The covered nudity is right in line with Two and a Half Men‘s humor, and this nicely teases the mystery surrounding the ninth season premiere. Grade: A-

Next: A frozen Zooey Deschanel in Fox’s New Girl…

Two and a Half Men: See clips and get the inside scoop

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New Girl

Putting Zooey Deschanel front and center with an awkward expression is the right idea. But her makeup, frozen grin, and eyes nearly turned to whites have Zooey looking like she was given a paralyzing drug and is on a mad scientist’s operating table. Grade: C+

Next: NBC’s Playboy Club loves bunnies.

New Girl: See clips and get the inside scoop

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The Playboy Club

Feel that hot bunny breath on your ear? Here’s Amber Heard getting cozy with ~~Don Draper~~ a 1960s Everyman, offering him a key to the Playboy kingdom. You can almost hear her whispering ”You’re not a member of the Parents Television Council, are you?” Grade: B

Next: A clunky Terra Nova…

The Playboy Club: See clips and get the inside scoop

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Terra Nova

Fall’s most visually dramatic series has a clunky poster. The layout makes Jason O’Mara look like he has a little Stephen Lang action figure sitting on his shoulder. Plus, O’Mara is really mad at us for some reason. We just want to watch your show, don’t have Mini Lang shoot us! Grade: C+

Next: The Good Wife gets naughty…

Terra Nova: See clips and get the inside scoop

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The Good Wife

Nice. Plays off the chaste title and Julianna Margulies’ liberation on the show and makes us wonder what else is going on here. And with The Good Wife facing Desperate Housewives this season, spicing up the marketing makes sense. Grade: A-

Next: A heavenly Charlie’s Angels…

The Good Wife: See clips and get the inside scoop

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Charlie's Angels

They’re not saints, they’re… heavenly fashion models? It’s an interesting choice to make the Angels look like lovely high-society girls rather than tough crime fighters in the marketing, but the result feels less dramatic. Grade: C+

Next: The Office gets artistic…

Charlie’s Angels: See clips and get the inside scoop

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The Office

Okay, you can nitpick and say this omits James Spader, whose key hire came after this poster was created, but we just can’t hate on this re-creation of the Georges Seurat painting A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte. Viva la Dwight. Grade: A

Next: Maria Bello, hatless in Prime Suspect…

The Office: Get the inside scoop

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Prime Suspect

Where’s Maria Bello’s magic hat? Oh, in her hand. Phew. Also: I suspect real police officers are discouraged from wearing scarves. Strong pic and tagline ”Cop. An attitude” works. Grade: B+

Next: Deadly fashion from ABC’s Revenge…

Prime Suspect: See clips and get the inside scoop

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Revenge

”…And next we have lovely Emily VanCamp wearing a unique black evening gown with a 20-foot-wide spike-laden base that’s perfect for drawing a crowd while keeping potential suitors at a distance.” Not to sound like a professor but…darkly crafty use of a surrealistic-looking metaphor. Grade: A-

Next: CBS’ Person of Interest…

Revenge: Get the inside scoop

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Person of Interest

J.J. Abrams’ latest high-concept drama is a tricky idea to illustrate — solving crimes before they happen. So CBS focused on the stars. Handsome result, but the action-heavy pilot’s intensity is lost. The tagline also suggests a show about Big Brother security fears instead of stopping crimes. Grade: C+

Next: HBO’s Boardwalk Empire…

Person of Interest: See clips and get the inside scoop

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Boardwalk Empire

Speaking of feeling watched, the second-season poster for Boardwalk Empire has Nucky’s rivals closing in on all sides. Stylish and well composed, but gives off a creepy vibe for a show that is not. Grade: B

Next: Fan favorite Dexter…

Boardwalk Empire: See clips and get the inside scoop

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Dexter

The religion theme in this season’s Dexter sounds heavy-handed, but this poster once again has the Showtime drama delivering a devilishly fun ad. Red blood gives him wiiiiings! Grade: A-

Next: A giant Simon Cowell…

Dexter: See clips and get the inside scoop

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The X Factor

Fox puts this X Factor poster on buildings… showing a giant poster on a building. And the poster shows a huge crowd of people gathered around taking photos — of the giant poster on the building. That’s how exciting this show is! Grade: B-

Next: A surreal Grimm…

The X Factor: See clips and get the inside scoop

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Grimm

The best and worst thing about this poster is that it perfectly captures the show’s wacky concept: Cops solve crimes committed by fairy tale creatures. This ad looks like it could be high-concept new drama (which it is) or a CSI parody (which it isn’t). Grade: B-

Next: A fetching 2 Broke Girls…

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2 Broke Girls

Co-workers disagree, but I say this ad really draws you in. It playfully captures the glowering sexiness of Kat Dennings and the sunniness of Beth Behrs. Photoshopped within an inch of its life, sure, but earns a big tip. Grade: A-

Next: A familiar Glee…

2 Broke Girls: See clips and get the inside scoop

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Glee

Deja vu, anyone? The cast trades last year’s slushies for this fall’s dodgeballs. After three years of grinning Technicolor posters, at some point the sameness starts to feel, well, the same. Grade: B

Next: A glowing Hart of Dixie…

Glee: See clips and get the inside scoop

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Hart of Dixie

The CW always makes such pretty posters. Rachel Bilson looks to be a size -7 and could probably save a bundle on air travel by packing herself in that suitcase (”I can’t … quite … fit … my mane of luxuriant hair!”). Um, sorry, what was this show about again? Ah, small-town doctor. Right! Grade: B

Next: A stylish Pan Am…

Hart of Dixie: See clips and get the inside scoop

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Pan Am

It would be really hard to screw up an ad for this stylish show. And ABC does not. Ultra-retro and very clean. Pan Am stewardesses > Playboy Club bunnies. (Also: Does Southwest Airlines really represent societal progress? Discuss.) Grade: A-

Next: A divisive Fringe…

Pan Am: See clips and get the inside scoop

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Fringe

Fox normally has creatively trippy art for Fringe, but this year’s ho-hum effort says, ”It’s on Fridays and probably its last season.” Looks like somebody fed a Fringe cast photo through a paper shredder. Grade: D+

Next: Cleveland spoofs Die Hard…

Fringe: See clips and get the inside scoop

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Cleveland Show

This is the best of Fox’s animated posters this fall: Cleveland doing a take on Die Hard. Bonus point for Tim the Bear as Hans Gruber. Grade: B-

Next: Zach Galifianakis on a moped…

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Bored to Death

This zippy ad makes the HBO comedy look nothing like its dare-to-ignore-it title. And look, the magic moped took 50 years off Ted Danson. Grade: B-

Next: New sitcom star Whitney…

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Whitney

One in a series of posters with quips about modern love courtesy of born-with-a-porn-name star/comedian Whitney Cummings. Hipsters will roll their eyes, but maybe its target audience will like it. Grade: C+

Next: Dr. House in the big house…

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House

Dr. House rocks the orange jumpsuit while keeping cool despite being in prison. Probably the oldest show on the air whose network still shoots an original and clever poster for it every year. Grade: A-

Next: CBS’ new medical drama…

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A Gifted Man

Patrick Wilson’s ”gift” is his deceased wife keeps hanging around, so why does this ad look like he’s the one taking a nap in heaven? Overall, a handsome shot, but lacks drama. Grade: C+

Next: Raising Hope…

A Gifted Man: See clips and get the inside scoop

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Raising Hope

Taking a cue from Glee‘s usual bubblegum look, Raising Hope‘s second-season poster pops with bright colors. Screams ”fun” like an unruly kid given a sugary soda. Grade: B-

Next: A totally freaky American Horror Story…

Raising Hope: See clips and get the inside scoop

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American Horror Story

Rosemary’s S&M Baby! Huge points for artistic daring, though you wonder how many mainstream viewers this ad will pull in. Grade: A-

Next: Kelsey Grammer returns in Boss…

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Boss

Basic. I would like to see more of Kelsey Grammer’s face, but the poster doesn’t commit any major sins (unlike his naughty politician character). Grade: B-

Next: NBC’s latest sitcom hope…

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Free Agents

Sitcom couple in bed? That’s every. TV. Sitcom. Since. The Brady Bunch. Yes, it communicates the anxiety of their accidental hook up, but … does it make you want to watch the show? Grade: D+

Next: It’s Always Sunny…

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It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

It’s tough for a comedy ad to actually make people laugh with one shot. This pulls it off. Seemingly inspired by the Web site Awkward Family Photos, the ad captures the show’s sarcastic dysfunctional family. Plus: A cat in mittens is always a win. Grade: A

Next: Modern Family…

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia: See clips and get the inside scoop

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Modern Family

What is with the all-white actors-in-heaven ads this year? Charlie’s Angels, A Gifted Man and now Modern Family. Good tagline, pretty picture, but pushes the family so far back you don’t feel a connection and the formalwear makes me think all the Emmys are going to their heads. Grade: C+

Next: Really, a morgue table?

Modern Family: See clips and get the inside scoop

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Body of Proof

Grew on me. Seemed distasteful at first — a morgue table? Then I kept coming back. It’s a striking image that tells you what the show is about. Grade: B-

Next: Snow White redefined…

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Once Upon a Time

Gorgeous cast photos redefining fantasy characters. Grade: B+

Next: Will Arnett is wiped out…

Once Upon a Time: See clips and get the inside scoop

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Up All Night

A comedy about the first-year of parenting. And you can tell that, right? Some single viewers will want to run screaming from this ad, but for those who like infant hijinks with their primetime comedy, this is effectively chaotic. Grade: B-

Next: Nathan Fillion does his handsome rogue thing…

Up All Night: See clips and get the inside scoop

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Castle

Perhaps the simplest ad of all. But doesn’t this warm photo make you like Richard and Kate and want to spend an hour with them solving crimes? Grade: B

Next: Hung beds how many women?

Castle: See clips and get the inside scoop

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Hung

Wait, what? Is Thomas Jane sleeping with the goddess Kali? This takes a typical Hollywood shot (legs poking out from under the covers) and adds an impossible surreal twist to make you do a double-take trying to figure it out. I count at least 8 legs, and it looks like each is supposed to be from a different woman, with one disappearing under his left arm (Behind-the-scenes factoid: He was photographed alone). Tagline is a groaner, though. Grade: B-

Finally: The Walking Dead goes rural…

Hung: See clips and get the inside scoop

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The Walking Dead

Gorgeous. It’s like Wyeth’s famous bleak painting Christina’s World — if Christina was a sheriff’s deputy being chased by zombies. Grade A

The Walking Dead: Catch up and get the inside scoop

Replay gallery

Account

Fall TV Report Card: We Grade the Ads

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Ringer

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Chuck

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Two and a Half Men

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New Girl

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The Playboy Club

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Terra Nova

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The Good Wife

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Charlie's Angels

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The Office

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Prime Suspect

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Revenge

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Person of Interest

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Boardwalk Empire

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Dexter

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The X Factor

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Grimm

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2 Broke Girls

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Glee

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Hart of Dixie

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Pan Am

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Fringe

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Cleveland Show

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Bored to Death

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Whitney

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House

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A Gifted Man

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Raising Hope

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American Horror Story

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Boss

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Free Agents

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It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

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Modern Family

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Body of Proof

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Once Upon a Time

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Up All Night

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Castle

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Hung

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The Walking Dead

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