Fall TV Ads Graded: Best & Worst of 2014

It’s Carrie Matheson as Little Red Riding Hijab. This ad does so much with so little. Striking, intense and instantly communicates what’s unique about season 4—Carrie playing the spy game in the Middle East—with one stark image and no text. Brilliant. A

Yo, NCIS, show us yer boobs! Most new cop dramas would never dare have a poster this festive. No guns, just a bare hint of badges. This looks like an ad for a show about cheerful New Orleans coworkers who drink Hurricanes, eat gumbo, and earn beads. CBS probably figures they don’t need to tell fans an NCIS spin-off is a cop show at this point (and they’re probably right). B

Intense shot of Mountain Man Rick. TV’s top-rated drama doesn’t need anything more than this to get fans excited. Yet The Walking Dead posters have gotten less epic each season and the show deserves something that’s not merely good, but fantastic. Plus, the ad doesn’t tell you much about what’s new this year. B

Swipe left! Swipe left! Okay, I feel bad for this show because people seem to hate it so much, and it hasn’t even premiered yet. Not sure a marketing campaign could change that. Also, that non-tagline ”a new comedy” reminds me of ads for doomed movies released in February where the best critic quote the studio can find is merely descriptive (”It’s an action movie!”). Still, you will remember this ad more than most sitcom posters in this gallery (I know, that sounds like a threat). B-

Why have one photo when you can have seven? Why suggest what the show is about when you can literally write ”Glee meets The Fault in Our Stars”? Why let the viewers feel something when you can tell them exactly what to feel (”You are going to fall in love—or we’re killing these sick kids”)? C+

Not a fan of upside-down actors on posters, makes me tilt my head like a dog that just heard keys jingle. B-

”Romantic, mysterious, seductive. Castle, the new fragrance by Calvin Klein.” C+

This is like a bad music video where the band acts out every verse. The ad very precisely demonstrates that Debra Messing plays both a cop AND a mom (but-but-but how can she possibly do both?!). Then this adds off-putting divider lines that cut Messing’s arms in half(!) and Messing’s husband and cop partner are giving each other these weird smiles behind her back. D+

It’s an Easter Egg hunt! From the ”Grodd Lives” graffiti to the Big Belly Burger and Amertek signs, the poster for CW’s Arrow spin-off is full of nuggets for hardcore fans. But if you’re not versed in DC Comics-speak, this ad keeps you at a distance—the city seems to swallow up the star (and the charming Grant Gustin is certainly poster-worthy). I wonder if The CW wanted to avoid showing his quasi-cheesy costume up close? Let’s compare The Flash ad to this next show… B+

Here are four of Gotham‘s multitude of character posters that are typically advertised as separate one-sheets. Fox’s team smartly avoided two big pitfalls: They focused on the characters rather than the city, despite the show’s title (that we’re not looking at skyline in these ads is a miracle—a skyline was used in the very earlier teaser art). Then Fox gave each character their own poster rather than have an awkward group shot. Each character feels like they have their own agenda and story to tell. A

ABC didn’t overthink this. Ioan Gruffudd is a hot guy so ABC sells us a hot guy, here looking like a black-tie Christian Grey after watching a Stanley Kubrick film. B-

Screams Photoshop, but isn’t bad. Note traitorous Brett Dalton on the right is turned the other direction. Adding a crack in the emblem is getting pretty heavy handed with the symbolism, though. (Why, it’s like the group has been fractured by his two-faced betrayal.) B-

AHS has the best track record of any show in this annual gallery. This year’s creepy dollhouse of freaks doesn’t quite compare to the show’s previous stunning shock campaigns, yet this retro carnival poster has plenty of fans and is full of telling detail. This ad makes me want to crop the image closer and dial back the faded filter to bring the main characters more to life (which is perhaps the whole point). A-

First thought: ”Lazy.” Second thought: ”So?” This is actually pretty unusual and risky for a CBS poster since the stars are not shown. Focuses on the threat and how that threat could be anyone (ladies, if you’re not utterly terrified to walk down the street at night, network TV is apparently not doing its job). B-

Really pops. Looks like a book cover, presumably intentionally. Viola Davis is supremely proud and confident. Note the tagline—sometimes the best way to sell a show is to talk about a different show. B+

NBC’s bad judge could be a little badder than this. One extra blouse button undone and a short-ish skirt is more like Slightly Immodest Judge (and lifts the backdrop from a 40-Year-Old Virgin ad). Not bad, yet feels like a mock poster that would line the network hallways on 30 Rock. C

”Holmes and Watson are back.” Sorry, it’s TV’s other Holmes and Watson. The tagline refers to Sherlock splitting to London last season, and now the detective is reuniting with his partner. But still my reaction is, ”Of course they’re back.” You could do a version of this tagline for every returning show—The Dunphys are back, the S.H.I.E.L.D. gang is back, CW’s vampires are back. If Holmes and Watson were not coming back, there wouldn’t even be a poster in the first place—even though that would actually be more interesting and worth sharing to the masses: ”Holmes and Watson are NOT coming back! ? No-no, the other ones!” C-

”You can’t keep a good standup down,” says Fox, but this deeply sitcom-y sitcom sure tries. Martin Short lunges in from the side. Instant response: Do not like. Listen to John Mulaney’s standup instead. C-

Call it The Cristela Project. How dare Cristela Alonzo try to out-wry Mindy Kaling? C

Thank you, DC Comics, for not insisting on calling this show DC Comics’ Constantine (unlike ABC’s Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.) and settling for that little line below the title. A breezy, off-kilter ad and Matt Ryan’s gaze grabs your eye. B-

Those clothes! It’s like they’re dressed as Skittles. Or if ABC took one of Bill Cosby’s gaudy sweaters from The Cosby Show in the 1980s and used it to inspire an entire new sitcom family’s wardrobe. And why are they pointing at us and laughing? Are they looking in a mirror? Still, as a family portrait shot, it has more appealing energy than most. B-

The Big Bang Theory-as-crime-drama. This ad is so typical broadcast TV, so very on-the-nose, I want to hate it but I can’t. This does the job, even though Robert Patrick’s ghost is creepily haunting the background. B

Awww, geeez, NBC, we’re so flattered! In addition to this mock Entertainment Weekly cover, NBC also did covers inspired by on our sister publications Time and People. (Go Time Inc! Plenty of stock still available!) Dexter did the same idea many years ago, but it’s still fun and makes the point that NBC had one of the very few shows last season that got people buzzing. I’ll leave this grade to you in the comments. N/A

Bad news: There’s no It’s Always Sunny art this year (because the fan favorite doesn’t return until January). So The League is stepping up in its place. Can’t argue with riding a unicorn. B+

Every actor in fall TV ads gets airbrushed, but rarely is a face this close. Tea Leoni looks like she’s been sculpted into a worshipful idol, a pore-free, impenetrable statue version of herself. The image successfully conveys strength. B

Jeez, Fox, first sick kids in a hospital on Wednesday nights and now a dead kid on a beach on Thursdays. What do you have planned for Friday—a dramedy about puppies in an animal shelter? Making the young victim the focus of the Gracepoint ad definitely makes this image feel tragic. Is that a good thing? B-

The opposite of the Mysteries of Laura poster. The deep, dark, primal water is a wonderful metaphor for a drama about marriages blown apart by infidelity, while the faces of Dominic West and Ruth Wilson are haunting. Not sure this makes me want to actually watch the show, but it’s a gorgeous ad. B+

Cool tagline. The kid’s half-nestled face conveys some emotion and creepiness. B

So much warmth it’s practically flammable. B-

Sorry Once Upon stars, ABC is pushing the big Frozen storyline this fall, so you’re off the poster. I suspect the only reason Elsa isn’t facing us is because nobody knows who actress Georgina Haig is. More OUAT thoughts for the show’s second poster, which is next… B

Want to hear something weird? The Desperate Housewives posters almost always included an apple. It was an Adam & Eve riff (see here, here, here, here, etc.). Then Once Upon a Time came along and guess what? Those posters sometimes had apples too (like this, this, this). It fits—Snow White, Evil Queen, poison apple—but this is still bizarre since we’re talking about 10 years of ABC Sunday night drama posters often having an apple in them across two totally different shows. It’s like somebody in marketing has a secret fruit photography fetish, or was just gleefully messing with us (the tagline for Housewives‘ season 8 literally taunted: ”How do you like them apples?”). So when this year’s ABC key art folder arrived, I first saw that previous OUAT poster. ”Aha, the apple spell is broken!” I exclaimed. But no. ABC sent two Once Upon posters and the second was a frozen apple. I hope ABC keeps making apple posters, it’s like a marketing department version of Hodor. I want to see how long they can keep it going before some top Disney executive calls down and yells, ”What the f— is it with you guys and apples?!” Grade: Apple!

Hey it’s a poster for that new movie starring Katherine Heigl and Seth Rogen?or whoever. C+

So different than almost all the other sitcom posters because it’s actually funny. Once again inspired by Awkward Family Photos. A-

One likable average Joe amid a sea of loud Irish relatives? Check. I wonder how much discussion was had when staging this shot about which actors would have their mouths open versus closed. Images of the frozen gape-mouth foursome could be diabolically used to create the world’s most unsettling blow-up sex dolls. C+

A fun (if busy) ad that reminds you why you watch—or used to watch— Modern Family. I appreciate that they’re getting away from that formal wear trend of previous ads, where the cast looked like they just won an Emmy. B-

This year’s ”it grew on me” poster. An ad for this show could have gone wrong in so many ways. Notice her white belt against her pink dress, echoing a positive pregnancy test’s red line across white. The ad version of the test result in her hand is a more visible plus sign instead of the usual line, but that may have meaning too as her character is deeply Catholic (she’s basically clutching a cross). The blooming flower dress suggests fertility too. Really like the title font. B+

Boardwalk is typically a strong contender, and this ad is weaker than some past entries. Still effective. Nucky sinking down into darkness with blood splatter on his face with the tagline teases a bloody downfall for the New Jersey kingpin. B+

David Beckham allegedly insured his legs for millions; Holly Madison her breasts; Keith Richards his hands. Charlie Hunnam should insure his back. SOA usually has strong art, and this final year may be its best (the video teasers using this same Jax/skull concept are, if anything, better). Notice Jax’s finger is on the trigger of his gun and the gun is down the back of his pants. Once noticed, I couldn’t help thinking: He’s about to shoot his butt off. A-