'Dancing With the Stars': Bruno's Sauciest Critiques!
William Levy and Cheryl Burke
Argentine Tango (Season 14)
''Pulsating passion! Thrrrrrrrrrrobbing intensity. Slick! Sexy. Clooney-licious,'' was all Bruno could spit out before seductively lowering himself back into his seat.
Maria Menounos and Derek Hough
Salsa (Season 14)
Bruno had three questions for the Greek goddess of injury and crotch-bobbin' Derek: ''Was it legal? Should I get you a room. Can I join in?''
J.R. Martinez and Karina Smirnoff
Samba (Season 13)
''Talk about hip action,'' Bruno began, gearing up. ''You were like a loin-shattering sex machine! There's a woman up there who's gonna throw herself off the balcony! The Kardashians are gagging! I'm telling you, you have so much fire down below, it was like a volcano! Brilliant!'' Was that Kardashian bit really necessary? I say yes.
Rob Kardashian and Cheryl Burke
Quickstep (Season 13)
Take it from Bruno, Rob: ''Once you know what to do with your bum, everything else falls into place.''
David Arquette and Kym Johnson
Quickstep (Season 13)
According to Bruno, David exhibited ''the exuberance and charge of a frisky teenager on spring break, all greased up and ready to go. Like a llllllive wire. You got everybody going!''
Petra Nemcova and Dmitry Chaplin
Paso Doble (Season 12)
This may have been the most hip action we've seen from Bruno behind the table. ''It's not Petra. It's Carrrrrrrrrmen,'' he drawled while ferociously removing his jacket. ''The femme fatale! The deadly beauty!'' His writhing radius increased so much that Len had to lean away — giving Bruno room to bend over even farther. ''A woman who knows what she wants and how to GET IT!''
Ralph Macchio and Karina Smirnoff
Salsa (Season 12)
Alert the censors! ''You were too rough with your pussy, darling'' was one of the few times ABC had to bleep out this show for the west coast telecast. ''No, I mean a pussycat! Well, what is she?
Hines Ward and Kym Johnson
Argentine Tango (Season 12)
The jacket came off again as Bruno tried to refocus the attention from Kym's neck injury back to his own smoldering body. ''It's a battle of will between a man and a woman. Who's gonna be the dominant partner? WHO'S GONNA END ON TOP? Ohhhhh it was like good sex. You never want it to end!''
Kendra Wilkinson and Louis Van Amstel
Samba (Season 12)
''Dancing With the Stars presents The Revenge of the Stripper, Part 1: The Attack of the Killer Boobs. Let's do it now, Kendra. Let's get it on!'' Bruno was practically begging her for a lap dance while perched on the edge of the desk on Guilty Pleasures night. Tom Bergeron countered the attack with one of his own guilty pleasures: revisiting Bruno's esteemed stint as a backup dancer in Elton John's ''I'm Still Standing'' video.
Gilles Marini and Cheryl Burke
Foxtrot (Season 8)
This gallery would be endless if I used every saucy thing Bruno's ever said. So I'll just drop this slice of sizzling French toast onto the griddle for now. Gilles had been ''simmering with sex'' that week. ''Every step was driven by relentless errrrrroticism. I tell you, I've had enough now for three months!''