Why He’ll Win: Oh, who are we kidding? Not a chance in hell this dude wins.
Why He Won’t: Logic. Common Sense. Sanity. Granted, all of those things are in short supply on this show, but Busey winning would take ridiculous to a whole new level.
The Bottom Line: Once again Busey will make it waaaaaaay past when he should due to his alleged entertainment value, but then Trump will mercifully cut him loose.
La Toya Jackson
Why She’ll Win: Because she either has blackmail photos of Trump or has hypnotized him into thinking she is way more famous and incredible than she actually is. He already brought her back once after firing her for no reason whatsoever, and now chose her again for the All-Star edition. What does she have on this guy?
Why She Won?t: Because Ivanka will finally snap her dad out of it and he’ll realize how little she brings to the show, either in talent or personality.
The Bottom Line: She’ll make it far on last name alone, but there?s no way she can win. Or is there?
Why He’ll Win: Because he says he’s a changed man. No more inviting himself out for dinner and drinks with bewildered hotel guests during a task.
Why He Won’t: Hold on, if he’s not going to invite himself out for dinner and drinks with bewildered hotel guests during a task, then why the hell is he back? Anyway, there are so many reasons why Dennis Rodman is not going to win I am not even going to bother to list them all.
The Bottom Line: It will be hard for Rodman to top how useless he was last time. But it will be even harder for him to win.
Why She’ll Win: Because she has the same blackmail photos La Toya does. Trump keeps on bringing her back for more and more even though nobody wants to see her. Even less people want to see her win.
Why She Won’t: Way too unlikable.
The Bottom Line: Omarosa doesn’t even want to win. Her arrangement with Trump is clear: He brings her back and she agrees to go overboard in acting like a villain to create drama and thereby extend her 15 minutes of fame. Everybody wins. Except viewers.
Why She’ll Win: She was in Playboy. Trump likes Playboy. Which is why all Bunnies seem to do well in this game, including Brande herself, who tied for third place in season 2.
Why She Won’t: Sadly, she’s just not smart enough. As we’ll see in the premiere, she can bring in lots of money, but has problems then adding it up.
The Bottom Line: Brande is a perfectly nice lady who will work hard and get along with almost everyone. Unfortunately for her, that’s not likely enough to end up in the winner’s circle.
Why He’ll Win: Nice guy. Hard worker. Team player.
Why He Won?t: It’s a bad sign that Dee’s most memorable Celebrity Apprentice moment was not even on the season he competed. (I’m referring, of course, to the way he showed up in Twisted Sister regalia for John Rich’s 7UP ad: ”7UP Retro — keepin’ it reeeeeeeeeeeaaaaalll!?) Dee had surprisingly little charisma last year for a guy that used to dress up in pseudo heavy metal drag.
The Bottom Line: He won’t be incompetent enough to go first, but if he doesn’t up his personality game, Trump will get rid of him instead of one of the crazies who create drama.
Why She’ll Win: Hmmm, I would do a better job telling you why she will win if I could at least figure out who the hell she is first.
Why She Won’t: Trump likes his winners to be big names (one of the reasons Annie Duke lost in season 2). No way the Deal or No Deal briefcase opener becomes champion.
The Bottom Line: Trump digs hot chicks, so she can ride off of that for a while. And the woman is not stupid. But she hardly qualifies as either ”all-star” or ”celebrity,” so a win would be even more shocking than her inclusion in the cast to begin with.
Why He’ll Win: Because Trump thinks the name Baldwin is famous enough. And because, after appearing on multiple seasons of both Celebrity Apprentice and Celebrity Mole, the law of averages says at some point you simply have to win.
Why He Won’t: Have you watched Celebrity Mole or Celebrity Apprentice? (If you answered yes than you, like me, have a serious problem.) Baldwin truly puts the average in law of averages.
The Bottom Line: Baldwin’s faux-smoothness will only get him so far before he is once again exposed as a fraud. He has mid-season boot written all over him.
Why He’ll Win: He’s done it before. Plus, he’s famous enough, entertaining enough, and competent enough. A true triple threat!
Why He Won’t: He’s done it before. The last thing Trump wants to do is repeat himself.
The Bottom Line: In the premiere, Trump keeps hammering Michaels for wanting to compete again, saying he should have just gone out on top as a winner. I can’t help but feel that The Donald — who loves nothing more than being right — is going to want to make that point by firing him along the way.
Why She’ll Win: Trump is obsessed with her artificially enhanced lips. Sometimes that’s all it takes.
Why She Won’t: Rinna is a follower, not a leader. What happens when she has to run the show and take charge? My guess: bad things.
The Bottom Line: The possibility exists of Rinna making it far, but she feels more like another sacrificial lamb being led to the slaughter so that crazies like Busey can have a few extra weeks.
Why He’ll Win: A surprise breakout last time he appeared, Lil Jon demonstrated hard work, intelligence, and versatility. He also handled the Boardroom extremely well and is likely to be well-liked by others.
Why He Won’t: It’s still hard to imagine Trump handing the title over to the King of Crunk.
The Bottom Line: He could easily make the finals this time, but I have the sneaky suspicion Lil Jon comes up a lil short once again. I just have the feeling Donald Trump feels silly saying his name. Because Donald Trump saying ”Lil Jon” certainly sounds silly.
Why He’ll Win: Even rival Clay Aiken dubbed him the smartest player last season. Penn is savvy in the Boardroom and at least credible in pretty much every task. He can raise money, MC a show, brainstorm a concept, and is famous enough to be declared a winner.
Why He Won’t: Penn’s people skills did him in last time. If he’s painted a villain of sorts again, it will sour Trump on naming him a winner. Another reason Annie Duke unfairly lost in season 2.
The Bottom Line: If Penn’s teammates love him instead of loathing him, he could be the one hired for a non-existent job from the Trumpster when all is said and done.
Why She’ll Win: Apparently, she has some sort of super memory that helps her remember everything that has ever happened. I guess that could come in handy.
Why She Won’t: Although she already lost on this show once, so how handy can those memory powers really be?
The Bottom Line: I like Marilu’s chances in this game. I think Trump respects her, and she fills that role of the confident female that appears comfortable in the corporate world. Plus, I need to write nice things about her, because she evidently remembers everything and may hold a grudge.
Why He’ll Win: A runner-up in the first Celebrity Apprentice, Trace is tough, smart, and well-respected — something we are not used to seeing on this show.
Why He Won’t: Judging by how miserable he looked when I sat behind him on an All-Star Celebrity Apprentice bus ride just before filming commenced, he looked like he would rather be anywhere else on the planet than doing this again.
The Bottom Line: Trace is back for one reason only — to raise money for his charity. His biggest obstacle may be his temper and clear disdain for people like Donald Trump and adviser (and former season 1 rival) Piers Morgan. But he would have to be considered the front-runner in this group.