11. Naima Adedapo (Last week: 8)
S. Ty thinks our exotic flower has a ”sorcerer’s grasp of melody,” but all I hear are the wrong notes. Love didn’t have much to do with her rendition of Tina Turner for last week’s Birth Year Songs night.
10. Thia Megia (Last week: 11)
Are all the colors of the wind…beige? Zzzzzzz.
9. Jacob Lusk (Last week: 9)
The mama’s boy with a tremendous heart and a trembling face took on ”Hearts Alone” all by himself. It was about time someone on American Idol sang this, am I right?! Just kidding. Jacob’s rendition came nowhere near Carrie Underwood’s or even Allison Iraheta’s. Hate to say it, but he’s just too pitchy ALL THE TIME.
8. Haley Reinhart (Last week: 8)
I know she’s always in the bottom three; I just really like her! The walking lipstick disaster gave ”I’m Your Baby Tonight” her own twist (another word for twist is sometimes growl), and that was enough to make her one of my favorites from last week. It was a pretty dismal week, y’all.
7. Paul McDonald (Last week: 10)
The ”cool dude with a loose mood” suffered from sickness during last week’s Elton John performance. I guess that’s why they call it the flu.
6. Lauren Alaina (Last week: 5)
The D.J. Tanner look-alike with an extremely pink momager was technically strong on the vocals of Melissa Etheridge’s ”I’m the Only One,” even if she didn’t seem to make much of an emotional connection with the lyrics. Which demons are you hiding from, Lauren? Tell us! Sing it!
5. Casey Abrams (Last week: 1)
Last week’s ”Smells Like Teen Spirit” stunt struck me as a stand-up comedian mimicking Nirvana — and with that, my former fave has dropped way down. Pick it up, Fraggle Fozzie!
4. Stefano Langone (Last week: 6)
His rendition of ”If You Don’t Know Me By Now” was perhaps the best performance of last week. Granted, that’s like saying it was the king of low-carb beers, or in Brett Loewenstern-speak, a firm and juicy poison apple in a pile of bruised poison apples.
3. James Durbin (Last week: 3)
After the Durbs rocked Bon Jovi, Steven Tyler promised to ”Be There” duetting with him on an Aerosmith song during the season 10 finale. Pretty confident there, Gramma Stevie!
2. Pia Toscano (Last week: 2)
Pia was able to keep things energetic with a strangely uptempo remix of Whitney Houston’s ”Where Do Broken Hearts Go” — even though her vocal strength was very nearly overpowered by her billowing white silk jumpsuit. Where Do Clouds Go to Die? Right in there.
1. Scotty McCreery (Last week: 4)
I don’t know, dawg. People like him! Babies ’round the nation are locking dem doors and putting the lights of their parents’ phones down low in order to vote for him in secret.