PAUL STANLEY AND GENE SIMMONS
Dalton Ross: I don’t mean to sound like a geek, but if I rock and roll all nite and party every day, won’t I get tired?
Stanley: You sound like a geek.
DAVID LEE ROTH
Dan Snierson: Which is the more poignant Van Halen lyric: Sammy’s ”Only time will tell if we stand the test of time,” or your ”Got an on-ramp comin’ through my bedroom”?
Roth: Well, obviously what I speak ain’t poetry. And if you thoroughly understand that, then you see the poetry in it. Sam seems to have repeated himself within the space of 18 syllables. I will forever be cursed as an artist, but he could become a congressman.
Snierson: If blondes have more fun, what do redheads have?
O?Brien: Sensitivity to light. You decide which is sexier: Blondes having more fun, or me under a big Rose Kennedy hat?
Ross: Why didn’t Dr. Banner just shop at a big-and-tall store so his clothes weren’t always ripping when he got pissed off?
Ferrigno: I think he liked the way his pants fit, and he was embarrassed to show his legs.
Scott Brown: Both Haley Joel Osment and Jonathan Lipnicki got a start on your ’90s sitcom. There’s no question here — just stunned silence.
Foxworthy: We all knew Haley was the most talented person on the set. He used to walk around saying ”I see bad actors.” And that was the same year the New York Post voted me worst actor on TV.
Snierson: As a kid, you wanted to be a marine biologist but had a change of heart after watching Jaws. Did you decide that you didn’t want to be an actress anymore after seeing From Justin to Kelly?
Clarkson: I decided that when they showed me the script. Yeah, that’s the most horrible — yeah. I had to do that movie because I won the show. I didn’t have a choice. Contracts. They can be crappy.
Snierson: Your old show Sliders depicted alternate universes. Tell me about the one in which you didn’t make Kangaroo Jack.
O?Connell: Very dark world. There is no happiness. It’s Blade Runner meets Brazil. You know, Kangaroo Jack helped people. It made the world a better place. In Kangaroo Jack 2: Jack Is Back, there is a possibility that there will be a freeing of Tibet.
Snierson: How psyched are you when they list the cast alphabetically?
Arnett: For the most part, I’m really happy. I’ve turned down some projects with Alan Alda and Alan Arkin — I wasn’t feeling either of those projects. But I’d be happy to work with Catherine Zeta Jones in a two-hander where we’re both rogue cops. You know who else I’m considering working with? Renée Zellweger. I’d pop into a project with her in a minute.
Snierson: I heard that you auditioned for the role of ”half a man” but were turned down. True?
Cryer: Sadly, yes. It’s because I’m so damn manly. They said, ”Who’d buy that? Jon Cryer? Half a man? Yeah, right!” I ooze manhood — and I’m getting that checked out.
Snierson: Will Top Model offer up never-before-seen behind-the-scenes moments, like when the girls are all curled up with Sartre texts, discussing continental existentialism?
Banks: That’s what it’s all about. The trend of modeling is moving away from the external into the internal. So you’ll be seeing a lot of whatever you just said.