By Michael Slezak
Updated August 27, 2006 at 12:00 PM EDT

Entertainment Weekly’s Michael Slezak offers his “insights” on E!’s red-carpet coverage (starring Ryan Seacrest):

‘Twas the night of the Emmys, and in Slezak’s pad
Not a person was speaking, lest they make him mad
The E! Emmy preshow, was about to begin
Let’s root for Aunt Sassy, and break out the gin!

6:01 p.m. Ryan Seacrest explains E!’s new head-to-toe “Glam-Cam” — “We can see the French pedicures and everything!” — which serves as a stark reminder why Isaac Mizrahi is no longer with the telecast.

6:04 p.m. Ryan is asking Jennifer Love Hewitt about her infatuation with corpses. Nice! Always set the bar low.

6:08 p.m. Debbie Matenopoulos weighs in: “Booties are the new boobies! Let’s get to the bottom of this.” Really, what can I add to that?

6:11 p.m. Finally, E! introduces a cool new idea. B.J. Novak from The Office is getting equipped with a hidden camera, to capture real red-carpet moments. Still, I’m not sure if Ryan is joking when he says Novak’s got a long, visible hair hanging from his left nostril.

6:16 p.m. Our first nominee for Best Red-Carpet Question goes to Giuliana DePandi, who, after discovering nominee Peter Krause’s home state, insightfully exclaims: “Lovvvve Minnesota! Lake Minnetonka.” I’m half-expecting her to mention she has an uncle who lives there and ask if Krause knows him.

6:18 p.m. I’m not entirely sure why E! is letting Joel McHale from The Soup play a clip of a Japanese animated show where a talking poop sings its way down the drain, but I’m totally YouTubing that in the morning.

6:25 p.m. As if you needed anotherreason to root for Will Arnett to win Best Supporting Actor in aComedy, here’s his description of life on the red carpet: “It’s like aterrible day at the beach where you’re wearing a suit and it’s filledwith famous people.” Wife Amy Poehler pitches it as a film idea, whichsounds oddly appealing, no?

6:27 p.m. Stephen Colbert saves an unfunny joke about shouting out tohis fans in sub-Saharan Africa by discussing competition between TheColbert Report (which is produced by Jon Stewart) and Stewart’s TheDaily Show. “If I win, [Stewart] kicks his own ass!”

6:34 p.m. Giuliana is interviewing Isaiah Washington. I’m worried she’sgoing to tell him she has a friend who’s black, and then ask if heknows the woman, but thankfully, she only makes him give up his pornname. (For the record, it’s Ringo Main.)

6:37 p.m. Tyra Banks works the red carpet in a fierce (yes, fierce!)$50,000 dress (she emailed Ryan yesterday to tell him the price). E!talking head Jay Manuel shores up his Top Model day job by declaring,”It’s worth every penny! She looks stunning!”

6:45 p.m. Shout out to Jane Kaczmarek and Bradley Whitford’! (Hey, it can’t be all snark all the time here atPopWatch!)

6:52 p.m. Leah Remini is my new personal hero. When Ryan asks her howoften she sees “it” (Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’ baby, natch), shegives him a withering look, and notes, “I like to call ‘it’ ‘her.'”Suh-nap, and around the back, Leah!

6:54 p.m. If Ryan Seacrest doesn’t know who Zac Posen is — Portia deRossi’s wearing him — then why am I watching his telecast? Goodquestion, I’m switching over to NBC. They’ve got Tim Gunn, after all!