By Amy Ryan
Updated July 11, 2006 at 12:00 PM EDT

Sometime during TV Guide Channel’s Aug. 27 Emmy preshow, Joan Rivers will conduct her 1,000th red carpet interview. (She’s done 980 so far, mostly during her previous gig at E!) Noting her own propensity for gaffes, Joan quips that she hopes the 1,000th interview subject ”will be wearing a name tag.” No word on how TV Guide Channel plans to mark the milestone moment, but I suggest that the lucky celeb should be given a tiara and a botox injection on the spot, plus a pair of strappy stilletto heels from Stuart Weitzman made of diamonds and the hides of baby Komodo dragons, a pectoral squeeze by Isaac Mizrahi, and a DVD of Joan’s forgotten classic movie Rabbit Test. After which, Joan will miraculously fly away (or at least, what’s left of her that’s original will fly away), daughter Melissa will retire to a quiet life of breeding horses and making occasional appearances on The Surreal Life, and Kathy Griffin will take her rightful place as queen of the awards-show arrival interview.

addCredit(“Joan Rivers: Gregory Pace/”)