By Lauren Huff
June 24, 2021 at 08:48 PM EDT
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Britney Spears is speaking out after her emotional court appearance on Wednesday.

In a message posted to her Instagram, she apologized to her fans "for pretending like I've been ok the past two years" amid the battle over her 13-year conservatorship, which she is seeking to end. Sharing an uplifting quote about fairy tales, Spears wrote in her post, "I just want to tell you guys a little secret 🤫 … I believe as people we all want the fairy tale life and by the way I've posted … my life seems to look and be pretty amazing … I think that's what we all strive for !!!!"

She continued, "I'm bringing this to peoples attention because I don't want people to think my life is perfect because IT'S DEFINITELY NOT AT ALL … and if you have read anything about me in the news this week 📰 … you obviously really know now it's not !!!! I apologize for pretending like I've been ok the past two years … I did it because of my pride and I was embarrassed to share what happened to me."

Spears ended her post by saying that "pretending" that she's doing all right did help her as "a cool outlet to share my presence … existence … and to simply feel like I matter despite what I was going through." As a result of her experience, she says she's going to read more fairytales.

The singer spoke virtually before a Los Angeles court on Wednesday for about 30 minutes on the details of her conservatorship, her father Jamie Spears, and her management team, saying that the arrangement has left her "traumatized." The conservatorship, which was put in place after her public breakdown in 2008, puts control of her personal life, career choices, and fortune of almost $60 million in the hands of her conservator.

Spears has not given an interview in years and rarely elected to speak in court before Wednesday. Although she posts on social media frequently, a vocal contingent of fans has speculated that the posts to her verified accounts, including her popular Instagram - which often shares videos of her dancing at home accompanied by long, idiosyncratic captions - are yet another aspect of her life not within her control. Her social media channels have not provided any meaningful comment on the increasingly fraught story of her legal situation, and have been cryptically critical of the recent documentary about her life, Framing Britney Spears.

"I've lied and told the whole world; I'm okay and I'm happy.' It's a lie," Spears said in court. "I thought I just maybe if I said that enough. Because I've been in denial. I've been in shock. I am traumatized. You know, fake it till you make it. But now I'm telling you the truth, okay? I'm not happy. I can't sleep. I'm so angry it's insane. And I'm depressed. I cry every day."

She also alleged that her conservators have prevented her from getting married or seeing a doctor to remove an IUD so she could try to have another child.

The "Toxic" songstress ultimately asked to end the conservatorship. "I just want my life back. It's been 13 years and it's been enough," she said.

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