Read a hilarious, exclusive chapter from Trixie Mattel and Katya's new book.

By Joey Nolfi
July 13, 2020 at 06:37 PM EDT
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Whether you're a top getting to the bottom of sexual frustration or bottoming out in your pursuit of gratification in the boudoir, the drag superstars' new book is the perfect consultation tool for your upcoming exploits. As EW's exclusive, NSFW excerpt (see five full pages — with photos — here) from the hilarious self-help book proves, landing the perfect partner in bed isn't difficult, even as a Russian spinster living above a drag bar all by herself.

The insightful chapter sees Katya answering the "call to hoeing," as she puts it, by considering her partner's needs, courting the finest men from Craigslist, being a polite host (with refreshments always at-the-ready), and, finally, chasing your lover out with a broom when the pressure becomes too intense, and, as Katya promises, you can do it all without making a trip to the clinic shortly thereafter.

Credit: Courtesy of Plume

"Sex is lovely but it isn’t everything, and whether you have a s— ton or none, it’s not a moral issue. It’s about your physical and mental health and only you can decide if you are in balance, so don’t fall prey to shady people or institutions that would slap a value judgment on you for getting your jush," Katya explains in a solo passage nestled between other entries by her cowriter Trixie Mattel. "Personally I don’t like to be dickmatized. It’s not a good look, especially since I know that a good dick is only really just that — a good dick. A great book, or a wonderful television show, or a sensationally restorative night’s sleep can be equally if not more satisfying alternatives, and none of these will give you crabs."

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