Michelle Buteau
Credit: Mindy Tucker

We all have our Dirty Dancing "I carried a watermelon" moment — a time we said something so horrendously stupid to a person we find attractive we just want to slam our head into a desk.

For comedian Michelle Buteau, it was when she told a comedian she was dating, er, sorry, "hanging out" with, that they could've been the "Will and Jada of comedy." Buteau details the ill-fated non-relationship and the lessons she learned from it in this exclusive clip from the audiobook rendition of her new memoir, Survival of the Thickest, out Tuesday.

"When it comes to relationships, I have to act like I’m in a new restaurant," Buteau reads. "If I want it, I have to ask for it. Just like a waiter, a man can’t read my mind to figure out what I want."

It's one of the numerous hilarious anecdotes she shares in her new book, which touches on everything from her struggles with infertility to her wild days of self-discovery in college. Buteau, who recently released a Netflix special, brings her signature wit and outrageous sense of humor to the storytelling, while still diving deep into vulnerable moments. "I'm so caught up in the world of 'It's got to be funny,' [but] I'm also a human being that has been through this human s---," she recently told EW.

Lest you think Dirty Dancing is the only iconic pop culture property to get referenced in the book, Buteau has one at the ready at every turn. "It's important to own your sexuality to figure out what you like and don't like," she told EW, referencing her frank discussion of desire and sexuality in the book. "Sort of like Julia Roberts in Runaway Bride: She had to eat all of them eggs to figure out how she likes her eggs. Let me f--- the dicks to see which dick I like."

Listen to the clip above for more.

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