Celebrity Memoirs: Highlights From the 50 Juiciest

1 of 50

50. Carole Bayer Sager, They’re Playing Our Song

Simon and Schuster

When she was dating Paul Simon, the singer once overheard her mother tell her father: “Midgets! That’s what they’ll have. They’ll have midgets.”

Buy it here.

2 of 50

49. Stewart Granger, Sparks Fly Upward

Granada Publishing

The actor on his dalliance with the very bossy Hedy Lamarr: "If only she'd shut up and stopped giving orders, the ordeal might have been consummated.”

Buy it here.

3 of 50

48. Rob Lowe, Stories I Only Tell My Friends

Henry Holt and Co.

The actor does omit some incidents from his memoir, but he’s quite forthcoming about his infamous sex-tape scandal: “Sometimes being a trailblazer is overrated. If the Kim Kardashians and Colin Farrells and all the like had let their video oeuvre out into the zeitgeist before me, mine may have been met with a mere titillated shrug.”

Buy it here.

Continued on next slide.

4 of 50

47. Martin Short, I Must Say: My Life as a Humble Comedy Legend

Harper

When Short was at a party at with both Mike Nichols and Warren Beatty, "Warren said, 'I met Eleanor Roosevelt.' Mike called out, 'Did you f--- her?'"

Buy it here.

5 of 50

46. Katharine Hepburn, Me

Ballantine Books

The actress remembers her decades-long affair with Spencer Tracy: “We did what he liked. We lived a life which he liked. I struggled to change all the qualities I felt he didn’t like. Some of them which I thought were my best I thought he found irksome. I removed them, squelched them as far as I was able…”

Buy it here.

6 of 50

45. Esther Williams, Million Dollar Mermaid

Harvest Books

The actress’ kiss-off line to Jeff Chandler — who had a penchant for cross-dressing — was epic: "Jeff, you’re too big for polka dots."

Buy it here.

Continued on next slide.

7 of 50

44. Christina Crawford, Mommie Dearest

William Morrow and Company

Joan Crawford’s daughter remembers her allegedly abusive mother: "From her throne in the eye of the hurricane, brandishing her wand of obsession, rules the queen of chaos herself: Mommie Dearest."

Buy it here.

8 of 50

43. Richard Pryor, Pryor Convictions

Pantheon

"On television, people talked about having happy lives, but in the world in which I grew up, happiness was a moment rather than a state of being…. It never stayed long enough for you to get to know it good. Just a taste here and there. A kiss, a sniff, a stroke, a snort."

Buy it here.

9 of 50

42. Carrie Fisher, The Princess Diarist

The beloved actress looked back fondly on her fling with Harrison Ford during the filming of Star Wars: "My affair with Harrison was a very long one-night stand."

Buy it here.

Continued on next slide.

10 of 50

41. Brandi Glanville, Drinking & Tweeting

Gallery Books

The Real Housewife dishes on her husband’s then-affair with LeAnn Rimes on the set of Northern Lights: "LeAnn had 'accidentally' smeared some cake frosting on her top...[She] asked my husband, not realizing that I was standing behind the both of them, if he wanted lick it off her….This woman asked my husband if he wanted to eat the frosting mess she'd dropped on her nonexistent chest? ... He hadn't realized I was there, either, and he laughed with hungry eyes at the suggestion.”

Buy it here.

11 of 50

40. Lauren Bacall, By Myself and Then Some

HarperCollins

The actress famously describes being seduced by Humphrey Bogart on the set of To Have and Have Not: “About three weeks into the picture, I was sitting in the dressing room at the end of the day, combing my hair. Bogie came in to bid me good night. He was standing behind me, and we were joking as usual, when suddenly he leaned over, put his hand under my chin, and kissed me. It was impulsive. He took a worn pack of matches out of his pocket and asked me to put my phone number on the back. I did.”

Buy it here.

12 of 50

39. Tab Hunter, Tab Hunter Confidential

Algonquin Books

The actor on his sexuality: "In my personal life, I was quite a different Boy Next Door that the one that Mr. and Mrs. Middle America — and their fan-club daughter — imagined me to be."

Buy it here.

Continued on next slide.

13 of 50

38. Brooke Shields, There Was a Little Girl

The actress spoke frankly about her mother’s alcoholism: "It would probably have been easier for me to admit to her disease if I was ever physically abused. My particular abuse was much more subtle and created a longer-lasting impact. Because every time Mom drank, she left me. … I felt abandoned by her when she drank, but as long as I wasn’t hurt and she was accounted for and alive, I could justify that everything was all right."

Buy it here.

14 of 50

37. Shirley MacLaine, My Lucky Stars

Bantam

Working with Debra Winger on the Terms of Endearment set was not easy. "Hey, Mom, get over here. These [placement marks] are yours.".... 'I heard you,' I said. 'I know marks when I see them.' 'Good,” [Winger] said. 'How's this for a mark?' She turned around, walked away from me, lifted her skirt slightly, looked over her shoulder, bent over, and farted in my face."

Buy it here.

15 of 50

36. Ava Gardner, The Secret Conversations

Simon and Schuster

The actress was contracted to write a memoir but after hours of conversation with her ghostwriter, changed her mind; this book is drawn from those tapes. On the time she nearly killed Howard Hughes: “I hit him with an ashtray. I think it was onyx. Anyway, it was heavy…. Louis Mayer nearly had kittens when he heard about it. He was convinced I’d killed the guy.”

Buy it here.

Continued on next slide.

16 of 50

35. Lena Dunham, Not That Kind of Girl

Random House

In her essay collection, the actress remembers her rape: "I also know that at no moment did I consent to being handled that way. I never gave him permission to be rough, to stick himself inside me without a barrier between us. I never gave him permission. In my deepest self I know this, and the knowledge of it has kept me from sinking."

Buy it here.

17 of 50

34. Mario Lopez, Just Between Us

Celebra

The TV host and actor on losing his virginity at age 12: “What happened next was mostly a blur. I remember a lot of kissing and touching, but past that, I was clueless. I knew nothing about a woman’s body. All I could do was try desperately to piece together the fragmented and unreliable information that I’d heard from my older cousins."

Buy it here.

18 of 50

33. Jon Cryer, So That Happened

Berkley

Two and a Half Men co-star Charlie Sheen told him that his fits of anger were induced by testosterone cream. "Three times a day you rub the cream on your thighs, and it's deceptive, because you feel the same, but suddenly you're flying into a rage."

Buy it here.

Continued on next slide.

19 of 50

32. Tatum O’Neal, A Paper Life

William Morrow Paperbacks

In her memoir, the actress claimed that her friend Melanie Griffith, then 18, "dragged me into an opium-fueled orgy" when she was 12.

Buy it here.

20 of 50

31. Jodie Sweetin, Unsweetined

Gallery Books

When she attended the LA premiere of New York Minute, a Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen film, in May 2004, she writes, “I knew I couldn’t last a New York minute without doing more meth. I had it in my purse, with a straw, in a little baggie inside a lip-gloss container. Often I would do meth quickly in public bathrooms, blowing the smoke into wet paper towels so you couldn’t see it. At the premiere, though, I just snorted it because I knew I couldn’t bring a whole pipe."

Buy it here.

21 of 50

30. Mia Farrow, What Falls Away

Nan A. Talese

The actress was not happy with former partner Woody Allen: "You’re not supposed to f--- the kids!"

Buy it here.

Continued on next slide.

22 of 50

29. Diahann Carroll, The Legs Are the Last to Go

HarperCollins

On the possessiveness of Sidney Poitier, with whom she had a long affair: “Sidney called me at my hotel . . . ‘You b----, whore, tramp,’ he yelled. ‘I know he just left your bed. I won’t have you running around with other men. You belong to me!'"

Buy it here.

23 of 50

28. Melissa Gilbert, Prairie Tale

Gallery Books

The actress wrote that Johnny Depp once asked to feel her at-the-time lactating breasts at a party, and that she replied, "Yeah, do whatever you want."

Buy it here.

24 of 50

27. Frank Langella, Dropped Names

Harper

The actor is frank about colleagues like Charlton Heston: "It was as if he had appointed himself the forever Numero Uno on the call sheet of life."

Buy it here.

Continued on next slide.

25 of 50

26. Scotty Bowers, Full Service

Grove Press

The longtime Hollywood pimp hardly held back, describing one actor who "liked what is commonly known as 'water sports' or a 'golden shower' ... On an even more provocative level, [he] occasionally enjoyed it when his sexual partners — especially young ladies — 'dropped a deuce' or defecated on him."

Buy it here.

26 of 50

25. Patti Lupone, A Memoir

Crown Archetype

The actress and singer recalls actor Paul Sorvino, whom she worked with on the doomed production of The Baker’s Wife: "On the first day before he was officially introduced to us, whenever a new cast member would enter the rehearsal room, he would hit a high C. It was like having Howdy Doody at Auschwitz."

Buy it here.

27 of 50

24. Tina Turner, I, Tina

Dey Street Books

The singer remembers her abusive husband Ike: "[He] grabbed one of those shoe stretchers and started beating me with it… And that was the beginning, the beginning of Ike instilling fear in me. He kept control of me with fear. Why didn’t I leave him? It’s easy to say now I should’ve."

Buy it here.

Continued on next slide.

28 of 50

23. Shirley Jones, A Memoir

Gallery Books

The Partridge Family mom was definitely not as square as you might think: “We were all in the pool when Jack said, ‘Hey, let’s all take off our clothes, go inside, and have a foursome!'"

Buy it here.

29 of 50

22. Tina Fey, Bossypants

Reagan Arthur Books

The comedian and actress remembers an incident on the SNL set where Amy Poehler was goofing around: "Jimmy Fallon, who was arguably the star of the show at the time, turned to her and in a faux-squeamish voice said: 'Stop that! It's not cute! I don't like it.' Amy dropped what she was doing, went black in the eyes for a second, and wheeled around on him. 'I don't fucking care if you like it.' Jimmy was visibly startled."

Buy it here.

30 of 50

21. Julia Phillips, You’ll Never Eat Lunch in this Town Again

Random House

The Hollywood producer called Goldie Hawn "borderline dirty, with stringy hair," David Geffen the "Donald Trump of show business," and agent Michael Ovitz "the Valley viper."

Buy it here.

Continued on next slide.

31 of 50

Priscilla Presley, Elvis and Me

Berkley

Elvis’ wife describes their version of a sex tape: "It was the era of the Polaroid… He was the director and I was the star acting out fantasies."

Buy it here.

32 of 50

19. Leah Remini, Troublemaker

Ballantine Books

In her Scientology memoir, the actress has more than a few choice Tom Cruise anecdotes: When Tom Cruise’s longtime assistant resigned, “someone decided that she had done something wrong, and she had to undergo a sec-check* that she says cost her so much that she lost her house. Instead of viewing this…. as cruel injustice, she felt a huge sense of accomplishment when she finished her sec-check. She took pride in the fact that she left Tom in good standing with the church.”

Buy it here.

33 of 50

18. Lee Grant, I Said Yes to Everything

Blue Rider Press

The actress says she was being romanced by Warren Beatty at a party in 1975 when “I saw Warren’s eyes attach themselves to something in the distance. I turned around and saw in the next room, the dining room, Dolly Parton, quietly sitting at the table, alone, scribbling on a pad. In an instant, I could feel myself dropped as this new yummy dish was making Warren’s mouth water."

Buy it here.

Continued on next slide.

34 of 50

Barbara Walters, Audition

Vintage

The legendary journalist describes behind-the-scenes machinations at The View: "The premise of The View is that of a team working together, but for Rosie it was more like Diana Ross and the Supremes, as little by little she took over."

Buy it here.

Account

Highlights From the 50 Juiciest Celeb Memoirs of All Time

1 of 50

50. Carole Bayer Sager, They’re Playing Our Song

1 of 50

2 of 50

49. Stewart Granger, Sparks Fly Upward

2 of 50

3 of 50

48. Rob Lowe, Stories I Only Tell My Friends

3 of 50

4 of 50

47. Martin Short, I Must Say: My Life as a Humble Comedy Legend

4 of 50

5 of 50

46. Katharine Hepburn, Me

5 of 50

6 of 50

45. Esther Williams, Million Dollar Mermaid

6 of 50

7 of 50

44. Christina Crawford, Mommie Dearest

7 of 50

8 of 50

43. Richard Pryor, Pryor Convictions

8 of 50

9 of 50

42. Carrie Fisher, The Princess Diarist

9 of 50

10 of 50

41. Brandi Glanville, Drinking & Tweeting

10 of 50

11 of 50

40. Lauren Bacall, By Myself and Then Some

11 of 50

12 of 50

39. Tab Hunter, Tab Hunter Confidential

12 of 50

13 of 50

38. Brooke Shields, There Was a Little Girl

13 of 50

14 of 50

37. Shirley MacLaine, My Lucky Stars

14 of 50

15 of 50

36. Ava Gardner, The Secret Conversations

15 of 50

16 of 50

35. Lena Dunham, Not That Kind of Girl

16 of 50

17 of 50

34. Mario Lopez, Just Between Us

17 of 50

18 of 50

33. Jon Cryer, So That Happened

18 of 50

19 of 50

32. Tatum O’Neal, A Paper Life

19 of 50

20 of 50

31. Jodie Sweetin, Unsweetined

20 of 50

21 of 50

30. Mia Farrow, What Falls Away

21 of 50

22 of 50

29. Diahann Carroll, The Legs Are the Last to Go

22 of 50

23 of 50

28. Melissa Gilbert, Prairie Tale

23 of 50

24 of 50

27. Frank Langella, Dropped Names

24 of 50

25 of 50

26. Scotty Bowers, Full Service

25 of 50

26 of 50

25. Patti Lupone, A Memoir

26 of 50