David Sedaris convinced Tracey Ullman to help narrate his next audiobook — here's your first listen

Not long ago I met a high school teacher who'd had his students listen to the audio version of one of my essay collections. They were not impressed. "The one I feel sorry for is the old lady," one student gripped.

"What old lady?" the teacher asked.

"The one who had to read all those stupid stories."

This happens all the time. "I got your audiobook, and was sorry to realize that rather than than reading it yourself, you got some woman to do it," a stranger wrote regarding another of my essay collections.

"That woman was me," I responded.

When I complained about it to a guy at a book signing, he said, "You don't sound like a woman, you sound like Piglet."           

I said, "Who?"

"Piglet," he said. "You know, Pooh's friend."

Well, I thought, at least he's a guy.

I knew early on that I wanted someone to read all the U.K. and Irish and Australian entries in this book. So much of what I've heard in those countries is funny specifically because of the way it was said. So I wanted somebody British, who was good at regional accents. Then I thought, Well, since people think it's a woman recording my audiobooks anyway, why not get the real thing? A British woman who's fun and patient and good at accents. Tracey Ullman.

She's me in this book, or at least the me that I am in England and Ireland and Australia. And occasionally France or the U.S. if I'm reflecting back on something that took place in any of the aforementioned countries.  That might sound confusing, but it's not, really. Also, just so you know, Tracey Ullman was incredibly warm and charming and told outrageous stories between takes. In half of this book she's me. But I wish I was her.