The worst sex writing in 2018 is by all men
James Frey already achieved distinction for angering Oprah Winfrey, and now he’s achieved another honor courtesy of the Literary Review: the Bad Sex in Fiction Award for 2018.
The author, who became controversial when it was revealed that elements of his best-selling memoir A Million Little Pieces were fabricated, beat out seven other male writers with his novel Katerina, about a young American writer named Jay who has an affair in Paris with a Norwegian model.
According to the Literary Review‘s website, “Each year since 1993, the Bad Sex in Fiction Award has recognized an author who has produced an outstandingly bad scene of sexual description in an otherwise good novel. The purpose of the prize is to draw attention to poorly written, perfunctory or redundant passages of sexual description in modern fiction. The prize is not intended to cover pornographic or expressly erotic literature.”
Only three women have claimed the title for worst sex writing since the award’s inception 25 years ago, but this year the nominees were all men: Major Victor Cornwall and Major Arthur St. John Trevelyan for Scoundrels: The Hunt for Hansclapp, Julian Gough for Connect, Haruki Murakami for Killing Commendatore, Luke Tredget for Kismet, William Wall for Grace’s Day, and Gerard Woodward for The Paper Lovers.
Though competition was stiff, the judges said, “Frey prevailed against a strong all-male shortlist by virtue of the sheer number and length of dubious erotic passages in his book. The multiple scenes of sustained fantasy in Katerina could have won Frey the award many times over.”
In order to honor his spectacular achievement, we present you with the following excerpt. Warning: It may offend those with delicate sensibilities.
I’m hard and deep inside her f—ing her on the bathroom sink her tight little black dress still on her thong on the floor my pants at my knees our eyes locked, our hearts and souls and bodies locked.
Cum inside me.
Cum inside me.
Cum inside me.
Blinding breathless shaking overwhelming exploding white God I cum inside her my cock throbbing we’re both moaning eyes hearts souls bodies one.
I close my eyes let out my breath.
And if that wasn’t enough to make you gouge your eyes out, please enjoy the following list of terrible ways in which the male nominees attempted to describe the human body:
- “…her pleasure cave…” (Scoundrels)
- “…an empty vessel for what feels like disembodied consciousness…” (Kismet)
- “…the enamelled pepper mill within her.” (Scoundrels)
- “…her long neck, her swan’s neck, her Alice in Wonderland neck coiling like a serpent, like a serpent, coiling down on him…” (The Paper Lovers)
- “…that part of her actively swallowed my penis, immersing it in what felt like warm butter…” (Killing Commendatore)
- “My ejaculation was violent, and repeated. Again and again, semen poured from me, overflowing her vagina, turning the sheets sticky.” (Killing Commendatore)
- “He kisses them. Teases a nipple with his lips. It’s so soft; and then, suddenly, hard. Wow.” (Connect
- “Her vaginal ratchet moved in concertina-like waves, slowly chugging my organ as a boa constrictor swallows its prey.” (Scoundrels)
Until next year!