John Oliver rails against birds
Last Week Tonight was off Sunday, but host John Oliver wasn’t going to miss an opportunity to rail against… birds.
“As the weather cools down, birds are going to start their seasonal migration, which is of course when they travel to warmer climates in order to feed, grow, and mate,” says Oliver in a video released Sunday. “It’s their version of Eat, Pray, Love, except birds are too dumb to realize that everything they needed was inside them the whole time.”
That was just the first of many jokes disguised as insults. “But before the migration begins, I have a brief message for the birds of the Northeast as they begin their journey southward. Are you listening birds? Here it goes: F— you, birds!”
Oliver continued: “F— you! I hope you never come back. To me, every single bird is just a s—-y sequel to the dinosaurs, and we’d be better off without ya. And yes, I’m talking to you geese. You look like ducks that played football in high school and never stopped going to the gym.”
Oliver later revealed the potential source of all this frustration with birds: jealousy. “I hope all you disgusting sky mice enjoy your tropical getaways while the rest of us face the frigid torment of winter. And I hope each and every one of you flies into a wind turbine on your way north next spring.
Watch Oliver’s clip below.
Last Week Tonight With John Oliver