By Mary Sollosi
Updated August 23, 2016 at 12:00 PM EDT
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Amy Schumer got her first Met Gala invite this year and met Queen Bey herself at the stylish event, but the down-to-earth comedian isn’t drinking the Lemonade.

Talking about her new memoir, The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo, on Howard Stern’s SiriusXM radio show Tuesday, self-described introvert Schumer said glamorous Hollywood parties are “my worst nightmare,” and the Met Gala in particular “felt like a punishment.”

“I left, not the second I could; I left earlier than I should have been allowed,” she recalled of the star-studded annual fête, which revolved around the theme “Manus X Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology” this year. “I got to meet Beyoncé, and she was like, ‘Is this your first Met Gala?’ and I was like, ‘It’s my last.’”

After a stellar 2015, Schumer shot to the top of the A-list — but she has no patience for industry parties. “It’s people doing an impression of having a conversation,” she said, adding that overly fashion-conscious events also rubbed her the wrong way. “We’re dressed up like a bunch of f—ing a–holes,” she said to Stern, noting she’s “not trying to make lots of celebrity friends.”

But of course, it’s ridiculous not to be friendly with any of your co-workers, and Hollywood is no different. “Lena Dunham is one of my best friends,” Schumer told Stern, “and Jerry Seinfeld and Chris Rock and Louis C.K.” Just don’t expect her to become a member of Taylor Swift’s squad: “The people that I care about, I have to keep it so real with them,” she says. And if she started popping up in matching-swimsuit Instagrams, “They’d be like, ‘get the f— out of here.’”

Schumer will have to grin and bear it through another star-studded, high-fashion occasion next month when she attends the Emmys as a nominee. In addition to being recognized for her sketch comedy series Inside Amy Schumer (for which she won an Emmy last year) and hosting SNL, her HBO special Amy Schumer: Live at the Apollo, directed by her famous friend Chris Rock, is nominated for Outstanding Variety Special. Schumer isn’t getting her hopes up, however: “I’m not winning,” she assured Stern. “I’ll wear flats.”

Why so defeatist, Amy? “It’s in the same category as Lemonade.”

Listen to the whole conversation below.