By Madeline Raynor
Updated August 18, 2016 at 06:04 PM EDT
Gallery Books

The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo

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  • Book

Amy Schumer’s book The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo is hilarious, tender, and at times heart wrenching.

The collection of humorous and personal essays, which came out Tuesday, covers everything from dating, sex, and fame to family, food, and body image. Schumer goes deeper on embarrassing stories she’s shared on stage and opens up about painful memories of abuse, familial troubles, and insecurities. Through her revelations, fans who know Schumer from Trainwreck or Inside Amy Schumer come out with a truer understanding of who Schumer really is.

Below, EW breaks down the best one-liners from The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo. For a full deep dive, see our review.

1. On body image…

“I’m not the hottest chick in the room. I would be like the third-hottest bartender at a Dave & Buster’s in Cincinnati.”

2. On body hair

“I’m shaped like a cactus, and when I don’t shave for four hours I feel like one, too.”

3. On roles for women in Hollywood…

“[Hollywood is] an industry where you go from playing a lead love interest to a turtleneck-and-knit-vest-sporting grandmother who, despite missing her husband, still has a lot of love to give to pets, in half the time a leading man turns into a grandpa.”

4. On “pastitzza”…

“How about ordering a gluten-free pizza and also pasta from Seamless and putting the pasta on top of the pizza and eating it? Good call. But a word of advice: if you’re gonna get pastitzza (which is not a thing, except for with me), only order it if you’re already falling asleep and you’ll be woken up by the buzzer when the delivery guy gets there.”

5. On the regrettable fashion choices…

“This calls for a zebra-print mini and a tube top!”

6. On losing weight for Trainwreck

“Because no woman is believably loveable unless you can see her clavicles form all angles.”

7. On scrolling through a dating app geared toward creative people and celebrities…

“The [guys] all posted the same two Rolling Stones songs and the same photos of themselves riding a motorcycle, chilling with a bulldog, holding an old-timey camera in Europe, or doing a cannonball off cliffs somewhere tropical.”

8. On doing press for Trainwreck…

“On that press tour, I was interviewed by what felt like every journalist in the world—from the most well-known news stations to dudes who were taping the first episode of their podcast.”

9. On her parents’ remarriages…

“But by the time marriage number three and stepsibling number whatever come around, you just kind of learn their name and maybe, if you’re up to it, you get a feel for their general vibe.”

10. On her first year in college…

“I was living on my meal plan, stealing food from the student union, and scamming drinks off guys when necessary—which wasn’t easy because freshman year I looked like a blond Babadook.”

Episode Recaps

The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo

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