Hoff couldn't say that
Credit: Instagram/therock

Next year’s Baywatch reboot just started filming, but Paramount debuted footage from the Dwayne Johnson-led film at CinemaCon on Monday night. The teaser confirmed the stars’ promises that this will be a Hard-R Baywatch, in the spirit of 21 Jump Street — and following the runaway success of the R-rated vulgarian superhero romp Deadpool. Johnson and costars Zac Efron and Alexandra Daddario appeared in a video to introduce the footage, which ended with Johnson declaring, “This is our beach, bitch!” which is already on some T-shirt somewhere. Below: The five most R-rated lines that made it into the teaser.

5. “Dude, the line was f—ing crazy. Good news is these doughnuts are super fresh.”

Zac Efron, playing a character with muscles.

4. “I’m gonna take these doughnuts that you stood in line for … say ‘F— THIS NOISE’ and throw them right in the trash.”

Johnson, not standing for Efron’s guff.

3. “My gut is screaming some fishy sh– is happening over there. And my balls are saying, ‘Let’s go over there right now.'”

I guess Johnson just saying one “sh–” isn’t R-rated by itself. But this isn’t just a throwaway line of dialogue. It leads to a whole conversation between Johnson and Efron about anthropomorphic testicles, concluding with this immortal line…

2. “Why the f— do your balls sound like 3-year-old girls?”

Cancel the Oscars, Johnson just won them all.

1. “This is Baywatch, you p—y!”

Also said by Johnson. Put that on the poster.

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