Wake up, sheeple

By Christian Holub
Updated March 28, 2016 at 04:50 PM EDT

Last Week Tonight With John Oliver

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Last Week Tonight was off the air on Sunday in honor of Easter, but host John Oliver nonetheless provided a Web exclusive in the style of his favorite YouTube genre: conspiracy videos. Satirizing the people who make long videos trying to prove that Katy Perry is a grown-up JonBenet Ramsey or that the Denver airport was designed by the Illuminati, Oliver decided to tackle an Easter-related topic: the vast conspiracy behind Cadbury Creme Eggs.

Oliver does not ask why Cadbury Creme Eggs aren’t available year-round (“They have already gotten to you, turn this off now, you’re a tool of the establishment and you’re too far gone to wake up”) but why they exist at all. According to Oliver, the Cadbury Creme Egg “is a terrible candy that tastes like mermaid placenta covered in candle wax.” How, then, did they become an Easter staple? Easy: the Illuminati.

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As Oliver explains, the average Cadbury Creme Egg weighs 34 grams, the same number of streets as Miracle on 34th Street. That’s one of the most beloved Christmas movies of all time; coincidentally, the Christmas carol “12 Days of Christmas” talks about “five golden rings” as one of the ideal holiday gifts. Germany has Europe’s largest supply of gold, and Cadbury Creme Eggs are made in the United Kingdom — in other words, only a quick, affordable flight apart. That connection is actually more of a distraction, however; the “truth” lies in the fact that Cadbury Creme Eggs were originally called Fry Creme Eggs. Why change the name, Oliver asks? Perhaps because “Fry” is a word with three letters — the same number as the sides of a triangle. And if you cut a Creme Egg in half and put it at the top of a triangle, it greatly resembles the Illuminati pyramid. There: Cadbury Creme Eggs are a tool of the Illuminati.

“I have no idea if any of that is true,” Oliver said. “In fact, that’s wrong, I’m pretty sure most of it is completely false. But it felt amazing to say, and it almost made sense, and that is what YouTube conspiracy videos are about.”

Watch the video above. Last Week Tonight returns April 3.

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Last Week Tonight With John Oliver

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