By Shirley Li
March 24, 2016 at 04:18 PM EDT
Jason LaVeris/FilmMagic

Nearly two years after his life-changing accident, Tracy Morgan continues to grapple with the aftermath.

The actor and comedian opened up in an interview with Rolling Stone, speaking candidly about recovering from the crash in June 2014 that landed him in a coma, left him with traumatic brain injury, and resulted in the death of his friend and mentor James “Jimmy Mack” McNair.

At the time, he says, he was most afraid that he had lost everything: For months before the accident, he was already having nightmares about losing his “funny,” or his ability to be a successful comedian. “I said, ‘If my funny ever went away, I’d die,’ ” he tells Rolling Stone from his New Jersey home. “And I thought I was going to die for a long time. My thoughts — I was in a very dark place. I was sitting right here, contemplating suicide. I couldn’t walk.”

Still, the former Saturday Night Live and 30 Rock star explains that despite his serious injuries and memory loss, he did want to recover. “It’s gonna take more than 18 wheels for me to get out of here,” he says. “I have to raise my girl, raise my wife, raise my family.” 

Read the full interview at Rolling Stone