How to play the game that's "just an excuse for a bunch of alcoholics to get together," per Lamorne Morris
Credit: Patrick McElhenney/Fox

True American is a fictional drinking game played on New Girl, where the floor is lava, you drink from a bottle of whiskey that's surrounded by beers, and you shout "JFK, FDR!" sometimes. There's more to it than that, but not much more — the rules are a little unclear, to say the least.

In attendance at the series' 100th episode party in Los Angeles in 2016, EW asked the cast of the Liz Meriwether comedy to weigh in on the game and bestow some insight into how to play. No surprise, all of their answers reflected the ambiguity — and absolute ridiculousness — of the game.

"The first person to get drunk wins," said Lamorne Morris, who stars as quirky cop/cat owner Winston. "Obviously, there are no rules for True American. It's just an excuse for a bunch of alcoholics to get together and say 'But we're having fun, we're playing a game!' Nah, y'all are alcoholics. You should be ashamed of yourselves."

He also advised: "Lock the keys away. Don't be on the road injuring people. I strongly recommend not playing True American because everybody will die," he added in a dramatic voice.

Max Greenfield, who shines as the neurotic and always hilarious Schmidt, echoed the point and spoke to the dangers of the game. "I ultimately think the only goal is to get as drunk as you possibly can, but don't drive," he began. "It's a really bad drinking game. You end up drinking a lot. It actually promotes binge-drinking."

Hannah Simone, meanwhile, wanted some insight herself. "Find out what the rules are and bring them back to us," said Simone, who plays headstrong bartender Cece, the best friend to Zooey Deschanel's Jess. "Everybody goes, 'What are the rules for True American?' and we go, 'Well, there aren't any. That's what True American is.' I would love to see what the rules are. Then maybe we can use them on our show, so we have a little more structure."

As for the titular character, she's not only calling for the rules, but new rules. "It's not a real game," Deschanel said with a laugh. (But to be fair, are any games really real? They're all made up.) "I think the way to win the game is by making up new rules because there are no rules."

To those who dare take on the game despite the above — and if you do, remember that you must be of legal drinking age and to play responsibly! — you've been warned of your fate:

For more on True American, find out what happened when an EW writer tried to play.

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Zooey Deschanel plays lovable Jess, who is plodding through life with a good group of friends.

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