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Following recent caucuses in Iowa and New Hampshire, multiple Republican presidential candidates decided to end their campaigns: Rick Santorum, Chris Christie, Carly Fiorina, and Jim Gilmore. As always, the best salute to these fallen tributes came from Stephen Colbert, who continued his Hungry for Power Games segment on Wednesday night. And this time, Colbert’s version of Caesar Flickerman had a new sidekick: a stuffed pet named Caligula.

“Caligula here is like many presidential candidates,” Colbert said. “When he first appears on the scene he seems fierce, but soon you realize: dead on arrival.”

After a brief eulogy for the withdrawal of “former Pennsylvania senator and Sunday school teacher who assigns homework” Rick Santorum (“as a good Catholic, withdrawal is the only method he approves of”), Colbert discussed the fall of Christie, “Quasimodo’s handsome brother.” Despite a huge campaign effort in New Hampshire, Christie got nowhere in the final results.

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Colbert went on to make a computer joke about former Hewlett-Packard executive Fiorina (“voters’ reaction was CTRL-ALT-goodbye”), and speculated about what might have happened with Gilmore’s campaign. Where most candidates’ results were measured in percentage, Gilmore got only 12 votes in the Iowa primary, and then 133 in New Hampshire.

“Why did you drop out, Governor?” Colbert asked. “At that rate, just seven states later, you would’ve hit two-and-a-half billion votes, which is one for every pig that would’ve flown over your inauguration.”

Watch the full clip below.

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The Late Show With Stephen Colbert
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