You've been warned.
For 25 years he’s been the bad boy of the Marvel universe: a mercenary, once known as Wade Wilson, who was mutilated in a gonzo cancer treatment and became the vigilante Deadpool. The incident cost him his creamy complexion, but he gained super-human powers and retained his filthy sense of humor and selective moral code.
Now, on the occasion of his self-titled biopic (out Feb 12 and starring Ryan Reynolds, who also played Deadpool in 2009’s X-Men Origins: Wolverine), EW spoke exclusively with the Merc With a Mouth himself for an emotionally naked chat about Spider-Man, Tina Turner, and the jackboots of God.
ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: Mr. Deadpool, you’re often referred to as an anti-hero. How do you feel about that label?
DEADPOOL: Labels are for jars. I keep my enemies’ organs in mine.
Marilyn Monroe was born Norma Jean Mortenson. Tina Turner was Anna Mae Bullock. Who was Wade Wilson, the man you used to be?
Wade Wilson was in fact, Tina Turner. Mind. Blown.
You’ve been nicknamed “The Merc with a Mouth.” Is your mouth your best feature? If not, what is?
Curiously, my a–hole has the brighter smile. And more teeth.
Your movie stalled a number of times before being greenlit in 2014. What was the lowest point for you?
I once had aggressive, middle-of-the-night anonymous sex in a public park with several U.S. Senators. But the low point? Probably auditioning for Spider-Man.
The film received an R rating for “strong violence and language throughout, sexual content, and graphic nudity.” What’s the most offensive thing about it?
There is absolutely nothing offensive about this movie. In the future, it will be used in kindergartens to shape tiny minds into wholesome soldiers of God.
Have you ever seen the Clint Eastwood movie The Dead Pool? Do you worry fans may confuse the two?
Please… Not even Clint Eastwood saw that film.
You are pals with Wolverine. What does he smell like?
I only know what he tastes like. In a word? Umami.
Do you get starstruck by other superheroes? Who’s your superhero crush?
Peter Parker is by far the most impressive member of One Direction.
Many of your superhero colleagues like Captain America and Thor avoid the topic of sex. Do you have any tips for them?
I only have one tip for them. So they’re gonna have to share.
You named your Katana swords after Golden Girls actress Bea Arthur. Why is she more alluring than Betty White or Rue McClanahan?
Could she be less alluring? Kidding! Betty White makes me swoon.
You’re incredibly fit. What’s your secret for staying in shape?
My first girlfriend was named Shape… And trust me, it wasn’t a secret.
You’ve said that Vanessa is the great love of your life. What romantic couple have you modeled yourselves after?
Batman and Robin.
Colossus, an acquaintance of yours from X-Men, is made of organic stainless steel. Do magnets stick to him? Anything else?
Haven’t tried the magnet thing, though that sounds cool. I’ll get back to you. What does stick to him is his reputation as an insufferable, long-winded prude.
Your main superpower is your ability to regenerate after injuries. What would you change about your appearance if you could?
If I could grow body hair, I’d have a Brazilian that starts at my forehead and doesn’t stop until Sao Paolo.
Which historical figure do you most identify with?
In your comics you often speak directly to the reader. What kind of art do you hang on your fourth wall?
The fourth wall isn’t a wall, it’s negative space, viewed by an audience through a proscenium or upon a screen. What are you, some kind of idiot?
You’ve described yourself as a lapsed Catholic. So, if heaven exists, what do you hope God is wearing when you enter the Pearly Gates?
Nothing but a very light spackling of baby powder. And maybe a pair of sturdy boots. Obviously.
Your job is pretty stressful. How do you unwind after a long day?
Reclined on my papasan, listening to the soft cries underneath my crawl space.
What’s the last movie that made you cry?
Which childhood memory comes up most often for you during therapy?
I’d need crude sock puppets and a sh– ton of tissue to get into that.
Red is obviously your favorite color. What’s your favorite word? Favorite holiday?
Codswallop. Alanis Morissette Day.
You always profess your love chimichangas. What’s the key to a great one? And can you recommend a Mexican restaurant?
Part fluff, part crunch. Tee Pee, Phoenix, Arizona.
It’s an election year and people are making big promises. Do you think you and your movie can Make America Great Again?
AMERICA IS ALREADY GREAT. WHY DO YOU THINK I LEFT CANADA?
You’re known for being so honest. Is there anything you’re afraid to talk about?
Not one goddamn thing is off-limits. Kinda like people’s Facebook profiles.
Will you attend the Oscars this year or have you joined the boycott?
Let’s just say the red carpet will match the drapes.
You’ve had a cult following since 1991. Are you prepared for mainstream fame?
I am. I just had my lips done.