December 16, 2015 at 06:02 PM EST

Jill & Jessa: Counting On

TV Show
Current Status
In Season

In the Duggar family’s return to TV, Anna Duggar speaks out at length for the first time about her marriage to former 19 Kids and Counting star Josh Duggar. Earlier this year, unearthed police reports from 2006 revealed that Josh had been investigated as a teen for molesting five underage girls, including sisters Jessa and Jill; later, he confessed to cheating on Anna through dating site Ashley Madison.

“It was definitely a hard thing,” she says in the candid interview, clearly holding back tears. “I think it is such a betrayal for a spouse to go through what we’re walking through … It was hard to realize that it was such a public thing, and so, not only was it a betrayal against me, but it was also a betrayal for those who call themselves Christian.” 

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Anna adds that their identity as a religious, Christian couple meant breaking their “vow before God to be loyal to each other.” “So, from my heart, it was just like, how could this happen in our marriage?” she explains. “Josh was my first love, my one and only, but I knew that my only hope was to cling to my faith, because I knew if I went off of what I was feeling, I would turn a mess into a disaster. In the stun and shock of everything, I was just praying to God to help me respond to this.”

Watch the clip below:

The second of three episodes of Jill and Jessa: Counting On airs Sunday at 9 p.m. ET on TLC. 

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