By Dan Snierson
Updated October 09, 2015 at 11:02 PM EDT
Credit: Lifetime

“This is crazy! I cannot believe we are going to be on the cover of Rolling Stone!” enthuses the actress simulating Courtney Thorne-Smith in The Unauthorized Melrose Place Story. “That’s, like, for super famous people, like U2 or The Spin Doctors.”

All right, stop, Calabro-ate and listen: Lifetime is back with a brand-new ’90s-nostalgia edition. After recreating the behind-the-scenes drama of such TV hits as Saved By the Bell, Full House, and Beverly Hills, 90210 without authorization or critical praise, the network is now rummaging around the L.A. apartment complex called Melrose Place. Airing Saturday at 8 p.m., the movie unspools the tale of the prime-time series that began as a “authentic, grounded look at 20-something life” but morphed into an increasingly outrageous, guilty, soapy pleausure as Heather Locklear was brought in to bitch it up and goose ratings.

Wlll Melrose Place alums take issue with some of the events that the movie depicts? Will Twitter have way too much fun tomorrow night criticizing some of the casting? Did I once try to learn the Melrose Place theme song on guitar? Probably, definitely, and you can’t prove anything. Dramatically take off your wig and watch a scene that revisits the 1994 Rolling Stone photo shoot that put Locklear, Laura Leighton, and Josie Bissett on the cover (and tucked away Daphne Zuniga and Courtney Thorne-Smith on the inside cover, which is kind of like putting something in parentheses, but much worse.)