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August 24, 2015 at 12:00 PM EDT

Ben Higgins was finally named the next Bachelor on Monday’s episode of After Paradise, but those 20-odd ladies on the upcoming 20th season will have to get in line — Amy Schumer just might be interested in what good ol’ Ben H. is hiding underneath those cable-knit sweaters.

The comedian called into the Bachelor in Paradise aftershow to congratulate Ben H. on his journey to love … sort of. “Don’t do it!” she warned him, before getting sidetracked into a criticism of Joe Bailey: “As someone who has met Joe, he is like, dead-eyed, and is crazy, and I think it’s crazy nobody mentioned his new haircut.” (For what it’s worth, I happened to notice that Joe, too, has joined the ranks of men from Kaitlyn’s season who have copied Shawn Booth’s haircut.) 

“Ben, I am so excited for you. I hope you find love,” Schumer continued, adding: “Do you want to have phone sex right now?”

Careful, Ben — look what happened when Kaitlyn Bristowe had a pre-existing phone relationship with someone other than her contestants. It ends well for nobody.

But seriously, we’d do anything to get Schumer on the next season of The Bachelor. Please somebody make it happen

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